From the monthly archives:

January 2009

bestsexwriting2008 Best Sex Writing 2008

Best Sex Writing 2008” by Cleis Press, is compilation of twenty-one provocative personal essays, sex journalism, and sex blogging that all focus on that one “dirty” word: sex.  In her introduction, Rachel writes: “Sex. One little word, so much drama. One little word, so many interpretations, definitions, permutations.”  Sex may be the only thing that links these essays, for they are all written from an eclectic range of voices with unique perspectives, exploring a diverse range of topics from sexual culture, sex work, sex toys and health, gender identity, race and crime.

While all of the essays were provocative, revealing information on numerous topics I had not considered, some really grabbed my attention including Ashlea Halpern’s graphic “Battle of the Sexless.”  This edgy essay examines-with razor-sharp detail-the agonizing journey through voluntary (sometimes self) castration and eunuch culture.  It reveals what motivates men to go to such extreme measures to become genderless and rid themselves of their testosterone-producing overactive libidos.  Castration, for reasons other than oncological, is considered “taboo surgery” in the medical community; so many men who want to get “cut” must resort to the “subculture of underground cutters willing to perform guerrilla surgeries in motel rooms, at medical fetish clubs, and just over the Mexican border.”  Although this article may make you cringe, it is not written for its shock value alone, but is treated with compassion.  A must read.

Another very intriguing article was Trixie Fontaine in “Menstruation: Porn’s Last Taboo.”  Oddly enough, I could identify with this piece very much as my study of film and feminist art has centered around the “abject” and the “monstrous feminine” which analyzes the role of women in the horror genre and the fascination with the bleeding female body as seen as the all-devouring vagina or vagina dentata.  Fontaine explores the veiled eroticism in menstruation porn, and the obscenity laws and double standards in the porn industry that accepts some body secretions (semen) as acceptable, while others (like menstrual blood) are seen as obscene and offensive.

Kelly Rouba’s “Tough Love,” is a first-person account of sexual ecstasy and disability, as she describes the challenges and frustrations as well as joys and accomplishments she and others who have physical disabilities experience while trying to achieve a fulfilling sex life.  This was a great article and a topic that isn’t written about enough.  When we think of sex, we often think in terms of able-bodied people.  Rouba notes that, “When we broaden our concept of sex, then it’s more inclusive.”

“Surface Tensions” by Jen Cross, stood out because of the personal style and nature of the piece.  It is an intimate journal narrative written in stream-of-consciousness style that explores the author’s struggle to cope with her conflicting gender identity and how she is perceived by other queers in the lesbian community based on her “surface” appearance.  This essay was emotionally and creatively articulated, and as a reader I could almost feel the tensions and emotional scars that lay buried just beneath the surface like violin strings ready to snap.

Another one of my favorite essays was Greta Christina’s “Buying Obedience: My Visit to a Pro Submissive.”  This piece is a spellbinding glimpse into the world of sex work, when a former stripper desires to experience sex work from the other side, as a consumer who pays for a professional submissive.  Written in four parts, it explores the liaison from first conceptualization, to her fears and expectations and the encounter itself, then finally her analysis of it afterward.  The writing is sexually charged and riveting, and one feels as though they are a fly on the wall in the house of lust-created within the reader’s mind.

Sex bloggers Lux Nightmare and Melissa Gira’s “The Pink Ghetto: A Four Part Series” looks into the complex world of writing for sex and the stigmatization of having to deal with their “fringe identities.” They explain mainstream’s view that only sluts write about sex which leads to them getting “blackballed (pinkballed?) from any kind of ‘legitimate’ work”.

Finally, other interesting reads include “Dangerous Dildos,” Tristan Taormino’s investigation into the phthalate sex toy debate; and “Sex in Iran” by Pari Esfandiari and Richard Buskin that uncovers the sex and drugs culture of Islamic youth whose ideals clash with the fundamentalist authority.

Best Sex Writing 2008 is a must read for those who want to be intellectually stimulated by provocative essays that explore the edges of sexuality, and as Rachel notes at the end of her introduction: “[like] good sex should do: leave[s] you wanting more.”  Rachel Kramer Bussel certainly has her finger on the pulse of the world of sex writing.

Get Your Copy of Best Sex Writing 2008 at Amazon.com Best Sex Writing 2008

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David Lachapelle

by Viviane on 01/29/2009

in photography

lachapelle2 David Lachapelle

Photo by David Lachapelle

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Forget Valentine’s Day at your peril….

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nippleclamps1 Nipple Clamps 101

Breasts and nipples are my favorite parts of the female anatomy because they are so fun to play.  It is very hot playfully torturing a pair of breasts and watching them respond with pleasure, as your play partner moans and squeals with abandon.

Nipple clamps are a great way to add breast play into your play routine, and they work well on men and women, provided your partner enjoys nipple stimulation.  Most women enjoy having their breasts played with and many men have sensitive nipples as well.

There are several types of nipple clamps, from the very simple clothespins to elaborately styled Japanese Clover Clamps, as well as one with weights and jewelry.   For the purposes of this review I want to compare the three main types.

Tweezer Clamps

 Nipple Clamps 101

Tweezer Clamps are the cheapest and usually the most popular with novices who haven’t used nipple clamps before.  They are shaped like tweezers, as their name suggests, and are long and thin with an adjustable tension ring that you slide closer to the end to tighten around the nipples.  This type may be a bit confusing to use at first as some people try to place the nipples between the pincher ends, rather than in the wider space where they are supposed to go.  Don’t do this.  It can be very painful, as I’ve learned from experience.  These types of clamps are also a bit finicky to put on and adjust if you are a bit clumsy or have larger fingers.  I actually do not recommend these for beginners even though they are cheaper because they are the most difficult to use, and if you are not carefully, you can slide the rings to tight and pinch the nipples in them, which really hurts.

Clover Clamps

 Nipple Clamps 101

Japanese Clover Clamps are not for novice use and are popular in the s/m scene for pain play.  These clamps have an elaborate mechanism of arms that look like little vice grips and tighten slowly around the nipple with weight or light tugging adding increased pressure.  They are larger and heavier than ordinary nipple clamps, and therefore tighten around the nipples just from their own weight.  The pressure they apply is from strong to extreme which is why I’d only recommend these for serious pain sluts.  I am a bit of a masochist and can’t stand these on myself for more than a minute, although I have very sensitive nipples.  Clover Clamps feature gripper pads which helps them stay fixed to the nipples.  Luckily, they unclamp very easily by just pressing the two sides of the clamps to release.

Bull Nose Clamps

nippleclamps2 300x300 Nipple Clamps 101

Bull Nose Nipple Clamps fall in the middle price range between the other two clamps.  To use another tool analogy, these are more like adjustable pliers that feature a screw that can fine-tune the pressure of the clamps, to get the perfect amount of tension between pleasure and pain.  These are my favorite type of nipple clamps because you have control over how much pressure you apply, and the dominant person in play (IMHO) should always be in control.  They are also easy to use, which is why I would recommend them for novices.

Using Nipple Clamps

I wish someone had told me the proper way to use nipple clamps before I had tried them on my first victim long ago.  Many people think they should go on the nipples themselves, but I find they are much more effective if you pinch as much of the areola between them that you can.  You would think that the more flesh you clamp, the more painful it would be, but this is actually the opposite.  The areola can stand more pressure than the nipples themselves, so you can actually make them a bit tighter and leave them on longer.  The longer you can leave them, the more time to play.  So the closer you apply clamps to the end of the nipples, the more they are going to hurt; the closer to the base and areola, the more tolerable and pleasurable they become.  I believe that the right amount of tension between pleasure and pain makes them the most effective.  That way, when you tug on them, your partner will experience more pain and when you release they will experience more pleasure.  So to me, it is a playful balancing act between the two, where you vary sensations for optimum effect.

The Warm Up

So don’t just slap those clamps on before your play with the breast/chest and nipples of your partner first in a little warm-up.  As with every type of pain play, a warm-up increases endorphins and pleasure, which allows for increased force, pressure and pain.  So you can suck, lick, bite and pinch the nipples, as well as squeeze, pinch and slap the breasts to warm them up.

Applying Nipple Clamps

After the warm-up, I like to grasp the nipples between my thumb and the knuckle of my pointer finger and tug.  I try to grab as much flesh as I can, then place it between the clamps and slowly adjust until I get the right reaction from my partner that tells me they are experiencing pleasure, yet discomfort.  Repeat with the other nipple, and now you are ready to play.

Playing with Nipple Clamps

Most nipple clamps come with a chain that affixes the two clamps together.  You can tug on the chain to increase pressure and lead your partner around by their nipples.  You can also get you partner to hold the chain between their teeth to expose the underside of the breasts for light percussion play.  Depending on how tight you have the clamps, depends on how long you can leave them on, just like any other types of bondage or restriction.  It is important to watch the nipples for changes in color (you normally don’t want them to turn purple), and also feel them for temperature.  Nipple clamps constrict the blow flow to the nipples, so it is important no to leave them on too long if they are tight.

The best part about nipple clamps is removing them, for as the blood rushes back to the nipples, the nerves come back to life and this is when your partner will experience the most pain.  This pain is only temporary and will subside as the nipples become very sensitive, which make them much more fun to pain with.  The rest I will leave to your imagination!

You can purchase Bull Nose Nipple Clamps and other S/m toys at PinkCherry.com

468x60static 1 Nipple Clamps 101

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Oh my word, what’s happened to Twitter in the last month? Or, indeed, in the last week? Twitter used to be a semi-obscure micro-blogging platform on which bloggers, geeks and socialites indulged in occasional interaction. People like you and me, mostly. We used it to share our woes about work and to moan about idiots on buses. We scrutinised the thoughts of acquaintances in far flung locations and responded instantly to their emotions and enquiries. We revealed our innermost anxieties and spewed forth a dribble of heartfelt irrelevances. In short, Twitter was both intimate and trivial.

And then Twitter changed. People started broadcasting less and conversing more. A greater proportion of messages were directed not @everyone, but @someone. Twitter became more of a public email service where online friends chatted openly, and the rest of us saw only half of their conversation. Meanwhile marketing gurus recognised the usefulness of an unregulated social network and moved in to groom advocates for their products and online services. Twitter became less parochial, more worldly-wise, and activity ratcheted up a level.

via @girlonetrack
(More . . .)

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3 NYC Weekly Leather Dates: Jan 29 Feb 4

and Trinity Post on pissing.com

Thursday, January 29

Friday, January 30
TES TNG: “The Dynamics of Co-Topping” w/ Lolita and Boymeat
TES College Night Slumber Party Massacre w/ Michelle Storm & Rob
Paradise Lost party

Saturday, January 31
Open Rope Share
ONYX-Pearls Northeast: “Leather Resolutions”
LSM Women and Trans BDSM Play Party

Sunday, February 1
LSM new member Orientation and Safety

Monday, February 2
CV Meeting: “Confronting Your Shadow – Top Drop, Self Care for Dominants and GUILT!”
McNally Jackson: Daniel Bergner, Author of The Other Side of Desire

Tuesday, February 3
TES: “Suturing” w/ Mistress Trish

Wednesday, February 4
TES: The Equestrian Club at TES (TEC@TES): Gearing Up for 2009
Pleasure Salon

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Episode 2. Sasha Grey’s car is jacked up and James Gunn is the only guy who can help her.

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Masturbation Frequency Linked to Prostate Risk in 20s, Protection in 50s

By Daniel J. DeNoon
WebMD Health News

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Jan. 27, 2009 — Frequent masturbation in young men is linked to higher risk of early prostate cancer, but it lowers prostatecancer risk for men in their 50s, a study shows.

High levels of male sex hormones, or androgens, may increase a man’s risk of prostate cancer. But different studies of this question, done in different ways, have reached different conclusions.

To look at the question in a new way, a team of researchers at England’s University of Nottingham looked at whether men with more intense sex drives were at higher risk of prostate cancer.

Polyxeni Dimitropoulou, PhD; Rosalind Eeles, PhD, FRCP; and Kenneth R. Muir, PhD, obtained detailed sexual histories from 840 men. About half the men got prostate cancer by age 60, and about half did not have cancer.

The findings were surprising. Sexual intercourse did not affect prostate cancer risk. But frequent masturbation did — in different ways, at different times of life.

“Frequent masturbation during men’s 20s and 30s increased their risk of prostate cancer,” Dimitropoulou tells WebMD. “But men in their 50s who masturbated frequently had decreased risk.”

More. . . .

Thanks, Lynsey!

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On a recent Wednesday evening, Robert was with a client in Greenwich Village. It was a first-timer who’d called him a few days earlier to arrange a meeting at a bar on 9th Street so they could speak face-to-face before closing the deal he’d proposed earlier.

When Robert arrived, the man, in his mid-60s and, Robert said, “handsome and fit for his age,” was sipping a martini; Robert ordered a glass of pinot noir. After their drinks were done, he went back to the guy’s apartment, had sex with him and became $360 richer.

“I like it when clients ask me to meet them out somewhere first,” said Robert the following night, when he stopped for coffee at a Bedford Avenue cafe en route to some art openings on the Lower East Side. (He agreed to speak with The Observer on the condition we’d use a pseudonym.) He was wearing tight Uniqlo jeans tucked into Army-issue boots and a vintage plaid button-down fastened to his chest by skinny Marc Jacobs suspenders. “It gives me a chance to be charming,” he continued. “Build up their desire. Get them to want me.”

Robert sounded like a professional letting you in on a bit of strategy. Still, he doesn’t seem like what they call a “pro” on Law & Order. At least if you saw him on the street, you’d probably think he looked like any other hip 23-year-old who moved to Williamsburg because it was cooler than whatever suburb had spawned him. But he is—to use an old British expression that’s currently the preferred terminology for some men who work this job—a rent boy, selling his companionship, sexual or otherwise, for a hefty hourly fee. He’s been escorting more or less full time for about half a year now, making as much as $3,000 a week. Before that he worked in an Apple Store for around $15 an hour.

“I never thought I’d be doing this,” he said, “but it just sort of worked out that it’s actually a lot of fun!”

It’s one of the oldest stories in this city, of course. For many of us in post-Ashley Dupre New York, the word “escort” conjures images of decadent trysts between beautiful women and influential politicians or other members of high society.

Much quieter, and a much smaller sector of the prostitution economy, are the men who fill the same role: charging high rates (though usually not as high as Ms. Dupre) to meet with rich clients, without having to work the streets.

More. . .k

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eric traore Pleasurist #13

Image by Eric Traore

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #12? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #14? Submit it here before Sunday February 1st at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • Maui Silicone Anal Beads by Kyle
  • The words “anal beads” cause my internal 14 year old boy to giggle nervously and worry about the potential tenting in his jeans. My slightly more mature self smiles appreciatively with no less potential for tenting. I’m a fan of buttsex…

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Sex Kits

Lube/Massage Oil/Bath Stuff

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult Movies/Porn

Toy Storage

Miscellaneous

banner Pleasurist #13

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We won’t find out by trying to separate biology from culture.

The cover asks “What is Female Desire?” and the story title, “What do Women Want?” seems to promise that scientists are getting closer to figuring out one of life’s great mysteries. Daniel Bergner, in fact, does not attempt to answer those two questions (and the small subtitles make it clear that he isn’t going to try) but rather he profiles the work of several scientists who are researching women’s sexual response, their subjective sense of arousal, and the ways those do or don’t line up.

It is a well-written article and a very interesting read. It takes on complex questions and, within its scope, attempts to address them without oversimplifying or sensationalizing (except for the first sentence of the article, in extra large and colorful print that reads “Meredith Chivers is a creator of bonobo pornography.”). I would encourage anybody to take a look. But prepare to be frustrated as well as intrigued. Some readers will be frustrated, as was Meredith Chivers (a psychology professor at Queens University, and one of the scientists whose work is the focus of the article) because the answers are not clear and meticulous research takes so long and is so difficult to do, and because, as she is quoted as saying early in the piece, “The horrible reality of psychological research is that you can’t pull apart the cultural from the biological.”

More. . ..

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spread 300x135 Spread Review, Sundance 2009 (SpoutBlog)
The advantage of seeing the Ashton Kutcher-starring Spread at Sundance, as opposed to in theaters down the road, isn’t just the fact that director David Mackenzie hasn’t yet been forced to neuter the film’s skintastic sex scenes his 2003 Young Adam was shaved down for far less to get an R rating here in the States, but also the way it so nicely compliments a film that screened a few days later, Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience. Neither movie quite works on its own, but as a pair, they are the yin to one another’s yang — portraits of a Hollywood hustler and high-class escort that, taken together, give a well-rounded picture of that world.

More . . ..

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Sex in America: Can the Conversation Change?
An Evening Symposium Co-sponsored with Huffington Post
New York Open Center
Friday, February 20, 7:30pm
Members: $18 / Nonmembers: $20
Please call for location.
More info

Esther Perel, LMFT, Leonore Tiefer, PhD, Ian Kerner, PhD, Amy Sohn and Cory Silverberg

Adultery, abortion, homosexuality teen sexuality, abstinence campaigns, sex education, pornography and family values are all active items on the national political agenda. Despite living in a time of unprecedented sexual freedom in America, the practice of policing sexuality has continued unabated since the days of the Puritans and the profound national discomfort with sexuality is all around us. When we are taught that sex is dirty, but we should save it for the one we love, is it any surprise that so many couples become erotically alienated? How do the politics of sex enter the American bedroom? Join some of the most bold and distinguished thinkers on sex in America in a thoughtful and provocative conversation about sex, pleasure, desire, eroticism, infidelity and monogamy.

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Nina Hartley’s Guide to Erotic Bondage (2005)
Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Ernest Greene
Cast: Nina Hartley, Carmen Luvana, Randy Spears, Tommy Gunn

ninahartleysguidetoeroticbondage Nina Hartleys Guide to Erotic Bondage

Sorry this is late!  It was supposed to go out Friday, but I took off to a sex show and forgot to post it!  Better late than never ?

Nina Hartley’s guides are either hit or miss.  There is usually always good advice in them, but sometimes the production quality is low and the editing can be awkward.  It also seems that the performers only get once chance to get their lines right, which takes away from the credibility.  Nina is usually always “on”, but her co-stars sometimes have a few problems with the speaking parts.  This is not the case with “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Erotic Bondage“, however. Carmen Luvana is a great co-host in this DVD, and her Puerto Rican accent is charming.  You can tell that she is reading the lines, but she doesn’t miss her cues.

Like all of Nina’s guides, this one starts out with an instructional intro chat between Nina and her co-host. Nina and Carmen discuss why you would want to experiment with bondage, fantasies and pop culture that make bondage intriguing, as well as consensuality and safety.  They never really get into the types of restraints you can play with during bondage, including rope! which was disappointing.  This DVD is very, very basic.  The only types of restraints they use are cuffs, a collar and Carmen has an arm bracer on during her sex scene with Tommy Gunn.  I really thought Nina would have spent more time on types of restraints, even as an introduction.  So, the DVD description of “Join your host Nina Hartley and her sexy guests as you ‘learn the ropes,’” is a bit misleading as they never actually use ropes at all.

After the chat, Nina demonstrates bondage on Randy Spears.  First they negotiate the scene, which is great as it demonstrates how couples or play partners might really approach this.  Randy is a big sweetheart of a man and thoroughly adorable.  It is pretty hot seeing him pull against the restraints like a Herculean hero.  Nina has a great dungeon and it would have been cool to get a bit of a tour and have her describe some of the nice bondage furniture she has.  She binds Randy to a bondage board and starts teasing and playing with him.  She rubs his cock with her nylon-encased feet and this seems to turn Randy on quite a bit.  The scene is very playful and they definitely have some hot chemistry together.  Later, they go through various positions on a bondage bed, but Randy isn’t really restrained, except for wearing cuffs, which seemed to be more of an impediment to the sex.  Still, the sex is hot as they perform oral (Randy is a pro at this and so is Nina), vaginal penetration and finish off with anal (Nina’s favorite).  I like that Nina shows the use of gloves for penetration with fingers and lubricant for anal to illustrate proper safety considerations, instead of fantasy ideals.

Next up is Carmen and Tommy Gunn.  I thought this scene would have great given how hot Carmen and Tommy are. They both have bodies to die for and are sexy as hell.  But, Tommy really never takes charge and seems a bit lost as to what to do with Carmen once he has her bound.  The sex isn’t bad, and Carmen is very vocal repeating something in her Spanish tongue over and over that is hot, but Tommy doesn’t seem to get into it as much.  And, again the bondage is so basic, it really didn’t add much to the sex.  It would have been cool to have a little bit of playful power play in here, but that never happens.

I would have enjoyed this DVD much better if there had of been more emphasis on the bondage showing different types, various scenarios and equipment.  For me, bondage also means a loss of freedom of movement, which wasn’t always the case here. This DVD is more for people who have never tried bondage and may be curious, and is much more about the sexual aspect.

I am looking forward to reviewing “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Bondage Sex” however, as it has Claire Adams (bondage queen!) and is mostly likely what I was hoping for in this one.  Also, I have wanted to watch some of Nina’s Private Sessions, which look more kinky and free than her guides.

Find other great sex toys and Adult DVDs at Sextoy.com!

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Sugasm #157

by Viviane on 01/25/2009

in sugasm

nika 006 Sugasm #157

Nika (Hegre Art)

Photo: Nika (Hegre)

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #158? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom .Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
A 2009 Wish For Smut Writers
“Sex bloggers are on the cusp of what I see as being a new kind of sexual revolution.”

Q&A with Domina Doll
“I enjoy teaching others how to explore that aspect of themselves.”

Overtaken
“He kissed the side of my neck, sweeping my long hair out of the way, working his mouth across the side of my neck to press little bites along my collarbone.”

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: When The Truth Hurts

Editor’s Choice
Dictation with Davis

Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews
Four Seasons Studded And Ribbed Condoms Review
Sari Stripping
Taking action

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Autobiography of a Masturbator: Porn O’Graphicus, Part 6
Banging on the Bongs
Horror Vacui
How NOT to Talk About Size and Sexuality
Lessons I’ve Learned (so you don’t have to )
The Recruiting Process

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Ariel (errotica archives)
da Deflowered HNT
Maria Ford Ripped Open Revealing Breasts in Passion Cove
Meggan Mallone – All Tied Up

BDSM & Fetish
20 Macaroons
Forced bisexuality revisited part 2
KSL Kontest Winner for December
Leaving The Ramrod
My First Cell Popping
Poly Mono Saturated Thoughts
A year of lustful quality

Sex Advice

Anal Sex Precautions
Ask Miss Bliss – My Wife Wants a Threesome With Two Guys

Dear Em & Lo: Help, I Can’t Orgasm with My Boyfriend!

Erotic Writing and Experiences
All woman
And With Your Eyes
Close
Dick Meets Jane…Again
Fire and Ice
If you come to a fork in the road, take it
Last Chance
Middle School Fantasy
A Quick Fuck in a Shadowed Corner
She Walks in Beauty, Chapter 2
Stripper Academy: Visiting Professor
The Summer of Roses
Weasel Journal
The Workout Part One
Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend Keeps Calling You Sweetie in Public

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

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