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book review

Guest Review: The Anal Sex Positions Guide by Tristan Taormino

by Viviane on 02/03/2010

in anal,sex

ANAL SEX POSITION GUIDE Guest Review: The Anal Sex Positions Guide by Tristan Taormino
So, the first thing I noticed about this book is that at first, it comes across as aimed towards cisgendered/heterosexual vanilla couples. Which makes sense, since really, that’s the demographic that needs a book on anal sex positions, which, IMO, isn’t rocket science.

Personally, I would have liked it if there was more of a broad demo, leaning a little more queer. I especially would have liked some queer models for the photos, but hey, that’s me, what can I say? And again: the demo seems to be cis-hetero-vanilla. Though a little bit of the BDSM leaks through in some of the comments made about power dynamics of different positions.

The first section of the book covers the anal sex basics – the hows and whys, lube, communication, etc. Its a great condensation of the info in Tristan’s ‘Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women’. Not everyone who picks up this book is going to have a solid grounding in the how to’s of butt-loving, so this is excellent information to have!

Also covered in a later chapter are toys, and safety issues with them – the biggest one, IMO, is using a toy with a handle or flared base. It constantly amazes me that people don’t think of that on their own, but if they don’t want to go to the hospital and explain why they got whatever they got stuck in their butt stuck up there…they’ll get something with a flared base.  Tristan also shares my dislike of anal beads made of hard plastic and string – icky! Too hard to clean, and too easy to break. There are sooo many nicer types of anal beads out there, and she shows a variety of pictures of toys for people, so they can know what they’re looking for. Or at. Buying toys can be intimidating, especially if you don’t know what you’re looking for and haven’t ever bought, or even seen, a sex or butt toy before!

I particularly loved that Tristan repeatedly mentioned that, for men, attempting to ‘slip in’ the back door without consent is totally not cool. Having heard stories of that from my friends in the past, I know it does happen. That is the absolute *worst* way to get someone to have the buttsechs with you!

I also love that in the commentary about each position, along with including information like how well the position is for skin to skin contact, or communication, she also covers how the position works, or doesn’t, for those who are larger, have mobility issues, or who may not be as physically strong as others.  This is *excellent* information to have about a position, and this is the first book of sex positions of any type that I’ve read that talks about those issues. (And I’ve read quite a few books about sex positions. I wish someone told me that after four minutes in doggy style I’d be face down, ass up, and hugging a pillow until I built up the upper arm strength to hold it. This is information I would have liked to have known as a teen!) Though I did notice another bit of info I would have liked when I was a newly budding ass queen hadn’t been mentioned – when fucking a man in the ass, make sure you know where his balls are. I still remember the first time I whacked a mans balls with out meaning to because I was enthusiastically fucking him, and he had low hangers. icon smile Guest Review: The Anal Sex Positions Guide by Tristan Taormino Maybe guys fucking other guys figure this out on their own, but I had to learn from experience.

An excellent section of the book, towards the end, covers how to choose the ‘best’ position for anal sex. Tristan points out that for everyone, this is different. Hell, on different days, different positions are better. She talks about communication, comfort, sexual/power dynamics, access to different body parts and other topics briefly, and suggests a few positions/variations that are best for each issues. (See my doggy style/arm strength issue above icon smile Guest Review: The Anal Sex Positions Guide by Tristan Taormino

Another thing I enjoy that was carried over from the Guide are the snippets of anal erotica and short fiction included throughout the book. I luuuurved that part of the Guide, and I love it here!

Overall, I think this is a great intro to butt sex book – it covers what I find to be one of the most common questions I’m asked about anal from anal newbies – ‘what position should I try?’I think this is also an excellent book for people looking to try anal the first time, or who are new to it. For me, I find it to be a nice reference, something I can show people when I need to explain a bit of information to them. Its not quite as in depth about anal as Tristan’s ‘Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women’ in terms of anatomy and such, and it doesn’t go over fisting or other extreme anal practices, but as I said, this is a book for beginners. Us anal-sluts all had to start somewhere, and this is a great place to start!

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Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns

by Domina Doll on 10/15/2009

in bdsm,book,dominance,domination,kink,submission,submissive

screwroses0 300x300 Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns

“Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns” was not the first book I have ever read on BDSM.  When I first started getting interested in BDSM, the internet was my guide, some of it useful, some of it ridiculous, everyone had an opinion.  I then read “Different Loving” and “Sensuous Magic”, both excellent books relating to power exchange, the first being a series of “case studies” of real lifestylers by Brame, Brame and Jacobs, and the second a more subjective, yet open look into the BDSM lifestyle by sex radical, educator and writer Patrick Califia.

“Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism” by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon is very subjective, written by a male dominant and submissive female couple and first published in 1995.  It has been hailed as the go-to guide into power exchange relationships and even the BDSM bible.  Today, the book is fairly dated as both the images and the text will attest, yet there is still a lot of relevant information inside.  It is written in first person as both Phillip and Molly write various parts of each section, each relating it to their personal experience and power dynamic.  The tone is friendly and tries to use humor quite a bit which tends to be a bit kitschy at times. The book is also a bit sexist, as Phillip seems to have his own ideas of male and female roles, including sections entitled: “Phillip’s Treehouse—No Girls Allowed” and “Molly’s Quilting Bee,” in which only the males or females in each relationship are supposed to read each part.  No doubt these dynamics work well for this couple and many others, but I found the tone, the sexism and the sometimes tasteless humor to be sometimes off-putting and found myself rolling my eyes a lot while reading it.

Having said that, this is a good introductory book for those searching to learn the basics of BDSM relationships, but it is by no means the BDSM bible.  It does teach many different aspects of the power exchange relationship, but bear in mind that it is subjective so to get a full education, read many books on the subject, learn from your own personal experiences and get a mentor if you can and come to your own conclusions.

What you will learn in Screw the Roses

screwroses3 Screw the Roses Send Me the ThornsPage from Screw the Roses

Chapter One defines the BSDM terms and roles, which is fairly basic, yet sometimes confusing.  It states the difference between a Top/bottom and Dom/sub and the interchangeability of these roles.  Chapter Two talks about communication and trust as well as the psychological aspects of a relationship, all practical advice and Chapter Three gives resources on where to find play partners (the internet!). Chapter Four discusses negotiations, levels in the power exchange (including unrealistic situations), and limits and has a sample negotiation questionnaire which has now become the standard.  Chapter Five delves deeper in the male/female roles and how men and women should connect with alternate aspects of themselves, ie: their anima and animus.  Chapter Six introduces the reader into various types of sensation, pain and edge play, whereas Chapter Seven and Eight are all about bondage.   Chapters Nine and Ten focus on percussion play and discipline, while Chapter Eleven deals with endorphins, pain as pleasure and sub-space.  Chapter Twelve talks about the more psychological elements of BDSM play such as verbal abuse, humiliation, and degradation.  The final Chapter gives you ideas on how to furnish your play space and the end of the book features a Glossary and several Appendixes with resources, many of which will be now obsolete.

Most of the sections are fairly comprehensive and most people, even advanced players will no doubt find useful information in it.  I especially enjoyed the part that described the Doms and subs you should avoid with monikers like: Divina Nolo Mentis, Autoerotico Fabula, Neandrathal Vulgaris, and Femme Desparata.  While these caricatures are tongue-in-cheek, it is amazing how you can find their likeness in “real” scene players so easily.  Another myth the authors discount is the 24/7 lifestyle Master/slave relationship which they say is too much pressure, unrealistic and unhealthy, and for the most part I’d have to agree.  I have rarely seen people live these roles constantly in a relationship and last very long.  Not to mention that relationships evolve and dynamics change.

So, there are some great pointers in this book, lots of useful info and plenty to read, if you can get past the POV, kitschy humor, and sometimes egotistical sexism.  And, don’t forget there are a lot of varying perspectives, so read other books on the subject, join your local BDSM group when you feel ready, and find a good mentor to help you learn the ropes.

Screw the Roses | BDSM | Sex Toys

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Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

by Domina Doll on 06/20/2009

in book,books,polyamory,polygamy,relationships,Tristan Taormino,tristantaormino

openingup Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

“Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino is an enlightening and thought-provoking book that explores the diverse aspects of nonmonogamous relationships from solo polyamory, to partnered nonmonogamy, to triangles and groups.  The book features a wealth of information from stats to brief histories of polyamory in the U.S., as well as Taormino’s own research on the subject where she interviewed over 100 people living in open relationships over the past ten years.

The Guide begins by relating the history of polyamory, as well as breaking the myths of monogamy and traditional relationships, why you might want to choose a nonmonogamous lifestyle and what makes nonmonogamy work.  Section 2 looks at the many styles or models of nonmonogamous relationships and Section 3 talks about creating and sustaining relationships.  There is also a resource guide at the end which lists books, organizations and websites for further information.

Throughout the book Taormino uses checklists and practical advice for the reader which she says can be used like a roadmap to navigate your own way through the different styles and create your own model based on you and your partner(s) needs, desires, and unique situation(s).  Like any emotional or sexual relationship, polyamorous relationships have unique problems, potential issues and conflicts that arise that are common to open relationships.  Taormino deals with each of these giving practical advice and coping strategies including: jealousy, fear of abandonment, time management, negotiating boundaries, violating agreements, new desire, coping with change, safer sex as well as legal issues.

The highlight of the book is the real life experiences Taormino uses with quotes, stories and advice from a diverse group of people who share their desires, fears, challenges, solutions, successes and failures with the reader to provide meaningful context.  This book is really a thoughtful and comprehensive guide on open relationships of all kinds, leaving no stone unturned.  Enlightening, inspirational, and practical, this book is for anyone interested in or already living in responsible nonmonogamous relationships.

You can purchase “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino at Babeland.


Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

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Tantra for Erotic Empowerment

by Domina Doll on 04/12/2009

in book,books,sacred sex,sacred sexuality,sexuality,tantra

Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: The Key to Enriching Your Sexual Life
by Mark A. Michaels (Author), Patricia Johnson (Author), Tristan Taormino (Foreword)

tantra for erotic empowerment Tantra for Erotic Empowerment

Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is an instructional book that focuses on the erotic possibilities of  Tantric Sex, written by life partners Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, a “devoted married couple who have been teaching Tantra and Kriya yoga together since 1999″ .  Unlike many other books I have read on the subject of Tantra, this book teaches the spiritual quest for enlightenment in its most ancient form, rather than the watered-down versions you normally see for Western culture.  This doesn’t mean that the book is overly esoteric or the concepts difficult to grasp, as Michaels and Johnson explain the aspects of Tantra in the most elementary terms.  It is however, a healthy tome, with a wealth of information on sexuality, sexual spirituality, pleasure, desire, meditation, energy, bliss, transformation and union: basically everything your need to begin your Tantric journey as a novice, or expand upon the teachings you have already learned as an experienced practitioner.  In other words, this is not a quick study guide.  In fact, it has taken me many weeks to read from cover to cover, a rewarding experience that was well worth every word.  The authors actually recommend using the book by reading one chapter per week and then practicing what you have learned, which is the best way to approach this book.

The text features a foreword by Tristan Taormino, fifty-two exercises to do yourself solo or with your partner, multiple illustrations and photographs of Michaels and Johnson showing the various positions, as well as a complete glossary to help you understand all the terminology.  It is also written to be inclusive to all genders and sexual persuasions.

What is best about this book is that the authors use many of their own experiences as a practical guide to inform the reader and guide you on your spiritual quest of sexual enlightenment and pleasure.  It covers all aspects of sexual spirituality and has information both valuable to novices and those already knowledgeable in the art of Tantra.

“Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is a book for those who want to get a taste of Tantric sexuality firsthand, for those who wish to understand their own sexuality more deeply, enhance the sexual component of their relationships, or explore some simple meditation techniques that embrace sexuality as a tool for spiritual growth…  At the same time, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is not solely for beginners, since it explores both the theoretical and practical aspects of Tantra in some depth and includes exercises that even readers who are familiar with contemporary Tantra and Neo-Tantra should find both challenging and original…  We focus on consciousness, an experimental attitude, and, above all, pleasure…” –From the Introduction of the book.

This is certainly one of the best and most thorough books I have read on  Tantra, which is sure to help anyone interested in these topics enhance their sexual pleasure and intimacy together, as well as guide them on the path to their own sexual and spiritual awakening.

You can purchase Tantra for Erotic Empowerment at Amazon.com.  Thank you to the authors for allowing me the pleasure to review their book and to Viviane for suggesting it to me.

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The Mistress Manual

by Domina Doll on 04/03/2009

in bdsm,book,books,dominance,femdom

mistressmanual The Mistress Manual

“The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance” is an instruction handbook by Mistress Lorelei, published by Greenery Press. Its focus is on heterosexual female dominance, but much of the information can be adapted to other gender play scenarios. Written by Lorelei, an experienced lifestyle Dominatrix and feminist, it provides information to women “at all levels of the art”.

In Part One: Becoming a Mistress, Lorelei talks about how expressing one’s female dominance is liberating within the constraints of patriarchal culture, by transforming the power exchange and defying the prescribed gender roles. She also encourages women (and men) to embrace their “shadow selves”, the sides that are denied them in everyday life, but ones they can experience through fantasy. According to the author, the submissive is able to experience an emotional catharsis, by letting go and enjoying a sense of freedom.

Part Two: The Mistress in Action discusses practical ways to assert one’s dominance, the art of discipline and the skills one needs to become a successful Domme. Some of the tools the author examines includes using suspense (mystery and anticipation) and variation to create a compelling scene fantasy, creating a set, using costumes and props, choreographing a scene, punishment as a form of pleasure and release, as well as rewards and aftercare. She also provides plenty of information on various techniques including spanking and flagellation, bondage, humiliation and forms of control.

In Part Three: The Five Archetypal Fantasies, Lorelei introduces the main role playing models: Nursemaid, Governess, Queen, Amazon and Goddess and what part these play in fulfilling fantasies. The following chapters then go on to explain these roles in depth with examples and suggestions. The book also includes an afterword with “Ten Rules for a Successful Mistress” which is a visual summary of the lessons learned within.

The Mistress Manual has a wealth of information, much more than can be covered in a short review. It is well written, with an emphasis on the psychological as well as the physical aspects of D/s. It is an excellent read that has plenty to offer for both novices and seasoned pros.

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance

is available on Amazon.com The Mistress Manual

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How to Be a Dominant Diva

by Domina Doll on 03/27/2009

in book,books

How to Be a Dominant Diva
by Georgia Payne and Julie Taylor

dominantdiva How to Be a Dominant Diva

Ok, so who doesn’t want to be a Dominant Diva once in a while?  Even if you are submissive by nature, or like your partner to be the one in control, sometimes it is thrilling, fun, and empowering to switch the power exchange and bring a bit of unexpected excitement into a relationship.  This is what “How to Be a Dominant Diva” is all about.

This book is tremendously different than what I was expecting.  First, I thought by the title that it was a book that focused on D/s play.  And, while there is some spanking, bondage and blindfolding scenarios in the book, it is marketed towards vanilla heterosexual couples.  Second, I thought it might be one of those lame books that gives you stupid ideas and quotes on every page, like: “Tonight, try a blindfold!” or “Flavored lubes are a great way to spice up oral sex!”  But, this book is actually way deeper and more interesting than that.

First of all, the book is written by two fairly qualified Divas.  Julie Taylor is a writer for Cosmopolitan and Glamour and “has written over 100 sex and relationship features for major magazines”.  Georgia Payne is “one of America’s most prominent dominatrixes with a large clientele in both Los Angeles and New York.”  Both these women are long time friends and have put their ideas and experience together in creating this book, with 69 sexy scenarios you can use with your partner to add a bit of spontaneity and exhilaration into an otherwise “ordinary” love life.

I was actually impressed with the thought put into creating these erotic adventures, such as “Naughty Nurse,” “Treasure Hunt,” “Driving Miss Diva,” “Naked Sushi,” “Abduction Seduction,” and “Caught and Cuffed.”  Each scenario has a front page, then a pull out action plan to guide you through each encounter, detailing the props you will need to carry out your seductive quest.  The following is an excerpt from the book, courtesy of DominantDiva.com “Meet me at Halftime”.

meet me at halftime2 How to Be a Dominant Diva

There are a lot of inspiring ideas that will certainly give some fuel to your fire and get your partner’s motor running as well.  Each adventure uses the element of suspense and surprise to entice and seduce, which are techniques that many of us forget in our day-to-day lives.  Many are played out like games or scavengers hunts, in which your lover wins sex as the prize.  These sexual explorations are not just simple rolls in the hay but ideas that will turn each exploit into a sizzling “sexperience” and night to remember.

This book is a great activity book for those seeking ways to add more pleasure and excitement to their love life.  It’s a keeper and will give you lots of food for fodder to create your own unique sexcapades as well.

You can buy “How to Be a Dominant Diva” at Tabu Toys

and while there get some great sex toys to let the games begin!

tabutoys1 How to Be a Dominant Diva

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Pleasurists #18

by Domina Doll on 03/04/2009

in sex blogs,sex toys,sexblogs,sextoys

05 Pleasurists #18

Image by Don Julian

Yeah!  This week of the Pleasurists My review of Bill & Desiree is featured!  Thank you Scarlet Lotus!

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #17? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #19? Submit it here before Sunday March 8th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • Bill and Desiree: Love Is Timeless by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

    • Everything they do, they do with exhilaration and wild abandon. They explore their sexual love like children who are delighted and amazed by everything they see and touch. I had a perma-smile welded on my face as I watched them make love with such tenderness: their smiles, laughter and joy radiating out of the screen to affect me as well. It was so powerful and beautifully poignant to watch their sweet ecstatic moans and tearful orgasms as they convulsed with ecstasy.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Packing Cocks

Lube/Massage Oil/Bath Stuff

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult Movies/Porn

Miscellaneous

banner Pleasurists #18

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The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori

by Domina Doll on 02/25/2009

in bondage,book,Midori,shibari

The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
Photography by Craig Morey
Publisher Greenery Press (2001)
175 pages, Softcover.

A few years ago (2005) I was lucky enough to take a bondage workshop with Midori: “Intro to Japanese and other Creative Rope Bondage Essentials” in Halifax at Venus Envy, one of the local sex shops.  It was one of two workshops I took with her and was an amazing experience.  Midori-only a small woman in stature-has a powerful and dynamic charisma; cool and collected with an authoritative presence that demands people sit back and take notice.

A friend of mine Kate volunteered to be Midori’s guinea-pig.  Kate is quite a bit taller than Midori, very butch and buff.  Although quite submissive, Kate plays mostly as a dominant as she doesn’t find too many Dom/mes who can handle her.  I was interested in seeing what Midori would do with her.

midori bondage The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori

First Midori stood before Kate and the audience dressed in a gorgeous sea foam and silver Asian-style dress, slowly unraveling a long piece of hemp rope and running it through her fingers as she stared Kate down.  The room was completely silent, except for a few uncomfortable giggles that were soon silenced by Midori’s schoolmarm stare, as Kate stood blushing profusely.  In “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage“,  Midori explains this technique in detail in her “Analysis of a Scene”: “While effectively setting the tone and head space for the dominant, the visual effect of the top methodically stroking the ropes may be quite profound on the bottom…  Many different moods and attitudes might be presented… powerful and slightly intimidating… playful, humiliating…”  Of course, running the ropes through the hands at the beginning of the scene has many other practical uses as well such as untangling the rope, finding debris, and ridding the rope of its “bad habits.”

Next, Midori began to rub the rope over Kate’s body and head.  She held the rope up to Kate’s nose to allow her to smell it like an aromatic aphrodisiac.  Midori explains in her book the strong connection that many bottoms will make with the scent of the rope, associating it “with the sensual, sexual and magical experience of wonderful rope bondage scenes.”  This technique was obviously effective on Kate as she nearly swooned and leaned against Midori who took her weight.

Midori then made a rope blindfold to remove Kate’s sight and place her more into the scene, effectively blocking the audience from her view.  While Kate knew she was still on display, she quickly fell into the grove of Midori’s quick, clever hands working magic on her body.  Midori spun Kate around as she skillfully tied knots, moving the larger woman to her will, sometimes holding her a little off-balance, and then capturing her again within her strong embrace.  In her book, Midori says that the top should make the bottom move to their whim using “firm decisive moves, sometimes punctuated by a quick change in pace… to emphasize the emotional dominance and control the top has over the scene…”  She also calls this to tie with “gusto” where her rhythmic handiwork would suddenly change to a quick yank as she synched the knots which would rouse a sharp intake of breath and sigh from Kate.

Reading “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” was almost like being at Midori’s workshop once again, where rather than teaching the technical aspects of knot-work (Midori only showed us three knots), she demonstrates the dynamics of the scene itself.  In the book Midori talks about her personal history with rope bondage, the visual aesthetics of shibari including symmetry, tension, and balance, as well as introduces the reader to a brief history of Japanese bondage.  She covers safety elements and aftercare as well as explains the various types of rope and what they are best suited for.

The final section of the book shows seven classic positions with photographs by Craig Morey and simple diagrams, focusing on the techniques and knot-work.  Most of the techniques are fairly easy to follow, although some of them can get confusing, especially when a few illustrative steps are missed.  I would have preferred the images to be more step-by-step and photographed rather than line drawings.  As mentioned before, Midori doesn’t focus on difficult knots, but only shows a few basic ties, as she did in her workshop.  Her focus is not on technical skills but rather showing how bondage can be accomplished by a novice.  Any boy scout can learn to tie intricate knots and there are many books on that, but very few people can show effectively the dynamics of a scene like Midori can, that left my friend Kate a pile of wet, hot, quivering mush afterward.

If you haven’t had a chance to see one of Midori’s excellent bondage workshops I highly recommend this book.  It is a great introduction for beginners and I know many so-called “experts” in my BDSM community who would benefit from learning the dynamics of a scene as well.  For someone like me who has had the advantage of seeing Midori live, this book is a great reminder of all the techniques that are taught in her workshop (many that I had forgotten) and may inspire you to take up your rope again and begin practicing.

With the book that I received from Tabu Toys, I also got a length of Japanese Silk Love Rope (5 meters) to play with and practice my knots.  This rope comes in brilliant colors, is soft, yet strong and fairly easy to work with.  Together, “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” and the Japanese Silk Love Rope makes a great beginner’s rope kit to start playing with, and is also an excellent gift for your lover if you want to give them a subtle, yet effective hint.  You can purchase both items from Tabu Toys.

tabutoys The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori

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Sex, Magick and Spirit: Enlightenment through Ecstasy

by Domina Doll on 02/11/2009

in book,books,sacred sex,sacred sexuality,shopping,tantra

sexmagikspiritbook Sex, Magick and Spirit: Enlightenment through Ecstasy

“Sex is a potent method for directing and releasing magical energies.  The sexual act unites the polarities that exist within us to create a strong of energy which can be used to transform consciousness.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Sex, Magick and Spirit by Bonnie L. Johnson and Peter L. Schuerman (Llewellyn Publications 1998) is a practical guide for those who want to explore the ancient mysteries of Sacred Sexuality.  Although it is an older book (1998) on tantra, it is not dated and the information is just as useful now as when I first got the book.  Of course, Tantra itself is an ancient practice, and Johnson and Schuerman’s book makes it accessible to modern-day readers.

Combining their knowledge and experience of Eastern Tantra and Western sex magic, Johnson and Schuerman offer easy to follow methods and techniques designed to explore the esoteric aspects of sexuality.  The book is written in a clear, precise language, including illustrations that demonstrate the various positions and exercises that make it even easier to understand.  It was created both for novice and experienced practitioners alike, with its simplicity and the wealth of information it offers the reader.  Anyone interested in exploring the sacred nature of sexuality will find this book a useful and inspiring resource.

“Sacred sex is a celebration of many things, but it is not merely celebratory. It is also a means of practicing magic, of transforming your consciousness in positive ways.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Inside, the authors describe how to arouse the powers within in order to reach new levels of consciousness, how to heighten sensuality and intimacy between you and your partner “including hands-on techniques for experiencing union with one’s partner and with the Divine on all levels” and how to achieve personal transformation by harnessing the mystical powers of sex magick.

The book continues to delve deeper into the mysteries to describe the collective unconsciousness (Divine Consciousness) and the four main Palaeolithic and Neolithic Archetypes for Relationships, explaining how they relate directly with aspects of ourselves.  Many other topics include the seven energy centers (Chakras) and how to balance the energies and polarities within us, yoga exercises, massage, Kegel (or sex) exercises, breathing, meditation and visualization.   It candidly explains different aspects of sexuality and relationships like masturbation, prolonging arousal, breathing and orgasm, the energetics of sex, sexual ethics, oral and anal sex, tuning into your partner sexually, charging the energy centers, and the Sexuality Rituals such as Sacred Marriage and Sacred Prostitution.

“There were two primary types of sacred prostitution: one‑time prostitution, and long‑term devotion to the goddess. One‑time prostitution was an initiation rite for women, in which a girl, upon reaching puberty, would go to the temple of the goddess (Ishtar or one of her counterparts) and sit outside, waiting for a stranger to make an offering to the goddess and then to deflower her.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Sex, Magic and Spirit is not only for those who practice Wicca, Yoga, Tantra or other Sacred Sexualities.  It is designed for those interested in experiencing greater intimacy, unity, balance, and metaphysical enlightenment with your partner and within yourself.

I personally found Sex, Magic and Spirit informative, well-written, enlightening and fascinating to read.  My partner and I enjoyed experimenting with the various techniques described in the book.  We both found the experience heightened our sensitivity to each others’ needs and brought greater awareness of our own.  I highly recommend this book for couples, individuals or pansexual groups who wish to delve deeper into their own sexual mysteries and awaken the God(dess) within.

Sex, Magic, and Spirit: Enlightenment Through Ecstacy Sex, Magick and Spirit: Enlightenment through Ecstasy is available through Amazon.com

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Best Sex Writing 2008

by Domina Doll on 01/30/2009

in book,pinkghetto,rachelkramerbussel

bestsexwriting2008 Best Sex Writing 2008

“Best Sex Writing 2008” by Cleis Press, is compilation of twenty-one provocative personal essays, sex journalism, and sex blogging that all focus on that one “dirty” word: sex.  In her introduction, Rachel writes: “Sex. One little word, so much drama. One little word, so many interpretations, definitions, permutations.”  Sex may be the only thing that links these essays, for they are all written from an eclectic range of voices with unique perspectives, exploring a diverse range of topics from sexual culture, sex work, sex toys and health, gender identity, race and crime.

While all of the essays were provocative, revealing information on numerous topics I had not considered, some really grabbed my attention including Ashlea Halpern’s graphic “Battle of the Sexless.”  This edgy essay examines-with razor-sharp detail-the agonizing journey through voluntary (sometimes self) castration and eunuch culture.  It reveals what motivates men to go to such extreme measures to become genderless and rid themselves of their testosterone-producing overactive libidos.  Castration, for reasons other than oncological, is considered “taboo surgery” in the medical community; so many men who want to get “cut” must resort to the “subculture of underground cutters willing to perform guerrilla surgeries in motel rooms, at medical fetish clubs, and just over the Mexican border.”  Although this article may make you cringe, it is not written for its shock value alone, but is treated with compassion.  A must read.

Another very intriguing article was Trixie Fontaine in “Menstruation: Porn’s Last Taboo.”  Oddly enough, I could identify with this piece very much as my study of film and feminist art has centered around the “abject” and the “monstrous feminine” which analyzes the role of women in the horror genre and the fascination with the bleeding female body as seen as the all-devouring vagina or vagina dentata.  Fontaine explores the veiled eroticism in menstruation porn, and the obscenity laws and double standards in the porn industry that accepts some body secretions (semen) as acceptable, while others (like menstrual blood) are seen as obscene and offensive.

Kelly Rouba’s “Tough Love,” is a first-person account of sexual ecstasy and disability, as she describes the challenges and frustrations as well as joys and accomplishments she and others who have physical disabilities experience while trying to achieve a fulfilling sex life.  This was a great article and a topic that isn’t written about enough.  When we think of sex, we often think in terms of able-bodied people.  Rouba notes that, “When we broaden our concept of sex, then it’s more inclusive.”

“Surface Tensions” by Jen Cross, stood out because of the personal style and nature of the piece.  It is an intimate journal narrative written in stream-of-consciousness style that explores the author’s struggle to cope with her conflicting gender identity and how she is perceived by other queers in the lesbian community based on her “surface” appearance.  This essay was emotionally and creatively articulated, and as a reader I could almost feel the tensions and emotional scars that lay buried just beneath the surface like violin strings ready to snap.

Another one of my favorite essays was Greta Christina’s “Buying Obedience: My Visit to a Pro Submissive.”  This piece is a spellbinding glimpse into the world of sex work, when a former stripper desires to experience sex work from the other side, as a consumer who pays for a professional submissive.  Written in four parts, it explores the liaison from first conceptualization, to her fears and expectations and the encounter itself, then finally her analysis of it afterward.  The writing is sexually charged and riveting, and one feels as though they are a fly on the wall in the house of lust-created within the reader’s mind.

Sex bloggers Lux Nightmare and Melissa Gira’s “The Pink Ghetto: A Four Part Series” looks into the complex world of writing for sex and the stigmatization of having to deal with their “fringe identities.” They explain mainstream’s view that only sluts write about sex which leads to them getting “blackballed (pinkballed?) from any kind of ‘legitimate’ work”.

Finally, other interesting reads include “Dangerous Dildos,” Tristan Taormino’s investigation into the phthalate sex toy debate; and “Sex in Iran” by Pari Esfandiari and Richard Buskin that uncovers the sex and drugs culture of Islamic youth whose ideals clash with the fundamentalist authority.

Best Sex Writing 2008 is a must read for those who want to be intellectually stimulated by provocative essays that explore the edges of sexuality, and as Rachel notes at the end of her introduction: “[like] good sex should do: leave[s] you wanting more.”  Rachel Kramer Bussel certainly has her finger on the pulse of the world of sex writing.

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