This is what happens when Boymeat travels:
Seeing as it would be a short weekend, I decided to pack light and for once travel with carry-on luggage. This meant no whips, no knives, no canes, or any other typical weapon-like item I would normally bring along. In fact, I only brought one sex toy – a speculum.
Due to an amazing thunderstorm that spontaneously rolled into NYC at 5 PM on the dot, my plane was delayed 4 hours before eventually being canceled. During that delay, I went back and forth the security gates 3 times to have a cigarette to squash my ever growing frustration.
Which meant the TSA had a total of 4 opportunities to figure out what in gods name I had in my bag.
Comedy, thus, ensued.
Attempt #1
TSA – Um, what is that?
Me – It’s a speculum.
TSA – Huh?
Me – It’s used to open things up.
TSA – Like what?
Me – *stared at her blankly*
TSA – *shaking her head* Go.
Attempt #2
TSA – Isn’t this…?
Me – Yes, it’s a speculum.
TSA – Are you a doctor?
Me – Nope.
TSA – I mean this is used for… you’re a doctor right?
Me – Nope.
TSA – Then why do you…?
Me – *smiled at her*
TSA – OooooooooooK. Go on.
Attempt #3
Me – I know what you’re looking at. It’s a speculum. I’ve been through this already with some of your colleagues.
TSA #1 – Hey, wait, I know what this is… it’s a…
Me – Yes, it’s a speculum.
TSA #2 – Oh, right, it’s for opening…
TSA #1 – Noses, right?
Me – Um, nope.
TSA #2 – I… I’m not even gonna ask.
Attempt #4
Me – Before you even ask, it’s a speculum.
TSA – *smiles and waves me off*
Tagged as:
airlines,
security,
travel
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