Posts tagged as:

relationships

Bookmarks for 2011-03-04

by Viviane on 03/04/2011

The Case Against Drop-down Identities | Smarterware – Human beings and their relationships are complex and nuanced, so the software that attempts to describe them must accomodate a wide range of expression.
Dickinson College students protest school’s handling of sex assaults – Philly.com -
HTTPS Everywhere | Electronic Frontier Foundation – HTTPS Everywhere is a Firefox extension produced as a collaboration between The Tor Project and the Electronic Frontier Foundation. It encrypts your communications with a number of major websites.
Planned Parenthood: House Bars Planned Parenthood From Federal Funding – On February 18, 2011, the U.S. House of Representatives voted to bar Planned Parenthood health centers from all federal funding for birth control, cancer screenings, HIV testing, and other lifesaving care.
6 Surprising Bad Practices That Hurt Dyslexic Users – UX Movement – When dyslexic users read text, sometimes they can experience visual distortion effects [5]. These effects vary in degree from person to person, but they can make reading text that much harder. Below are six bad practices that are likely to cause these visual distortion effects for dyslexic users. These bad practices can also make reading difficult for non-dyslexic users. But the effect they have on dyslexic users is much worse.
ACLU intervenes in Gay-Straight Alliance dispute, protest underway – Since Monday’s report, the local newspaper has editorialized that the district has placed themselves in a difficult position and the ACLU has gotten involved on behalf of the student seeking to for the club. More details after the fold…
Open Marriages – Galleries – The Daily Beast

Tagged as: crime, design, facebook, firefox, gender, identity, lgbt, marriage, planned_parenthood, politics, polyamory, privacy, queer, reading, relationships, security, sex, socialmedia, teen, usability

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Every Ho I Know Says So (video)

by Viviane on 12/16/2010

in sex work

EVERY HO I KNOW SAYS SO is a response to the total lack of accessible online resources for people looking for advice on how to be a good date or lover or partner to a sex worker. We want to support our lovers to continue unlearning the internalized stigma against sex workers, especially in intimate relationships. We think that sex workers themselves have valuable advice and direction to give to people who get into intimate relationships with us. This is the direct message we want to give to our lovers: “We hope that this video is useful to you in your journey to becoming a sex worker-positive and supportive lover and person in the community!!! By continuing to work on your attitudes about our work and educating yourself, you are showing us that you care. We love you!”

Tagged as: dating, relationships, sex workers

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Pre-release screening: Brett and Melanie: The Erotic Documentary with Tony Comstock

by Viviane on 10/14/2010

in Events,movies,Tony Comstock

10/23/2010
7:30 PM

A sneak preview of the seventh in Tony Comstock’s ongoing Real People, Real Live, Real Sex documentary series, Brett and Melanie: Boi Meets Girl is an exploration of sexual pleasure in committed relationships and the problematic place of explicit sexuality in cinema. ”Brett and Melanie” depicts a butch/femme couple, and opens up questions about strength and vulnerability in the context of how we portray and interpret gender. Throughout Brett and Melanie’s interview, there is a constant dance of who is strong for whom, of who is vulnerable and who nurtures; and this dance continues when Brett and Melanie make love.

By including frank footage of Brett and Melanie’s lovemaking along with their candid testimony, the film also opens up questions about the meaning of reality in the context of documentary filmmaking, and explodes preconceptions about the place of sexuality and eroticism in cinema.

Curated by Colin Weatherby, and followed with a panel discussion exploring cinema, sexuality, gender, and love with Velvet Park Managing Editor Diana Cage, Cinekink Film Festival Director Lisa Vandever, and Tony Comstock.

Location: Union Docs, 322 Union Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11211 (Plan your route using Hopstop)
Cost: $9 suggested donation

Union Docs listing

About Brett and Melanie: Boi Meets Girl
2010
Length: 54 mins.
Acquisition Format: Super16mm film and 24p video
Presentation format: 24p DVD

“Brett and Melanie: Boi Meets Girl” is the seventh in Tony Comstock’s ongoing Real People, Real Life, Real Sex documentary series, an exploration of sexual pleasure in committed relationships and the problematic place of explicit sexuality in cinema.

“Brett and Melanie” depicts a butch/femme couple, and opens up questions about strength and vulnerability in the context of how we portray and interpret gender. Throughout Brett and Melanie’s interview, there is a constant dance of who is strong for whom, of who is vulnerable and who nurtures; and this dance continues when Brett and Melanie make love.

About Tony Comstock
In a world awash in sexualized imagery, why does so little of it speak to the common pleasurable reality of sex? A filmmaker and photographer for more than 20 years Tony Comstock has explored this and other aspects of the human condition. Subjects of Comstock’s films have included love, sex, 9/11, indigenous fisheries, hurricanes, refugees, HIV/AIDS orphans, and the visualization of God. His current focus is the Real People, Real Life, Real Sex series. Reaction to these films has ranged from film festival laurels and critical and popular acclaim, to police raids on screenings and intimidation of DVD retailers.

Tagged as: butch, documentary, femme, gender, relationships, sex

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Bookmarks

by Viviane on 09/05/2010

in del.icio.us,sex

Craigslist Censored: Adult Section Comes Down | TechCrunch –
Court won’t force state to defend Prop. 8 | SFGate – The outlook for the legal defense of Proposition 8, California's ban on same-sex marriage, grew cloudier Thursday as a state appellate court refused to order Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown to appeal a federal judge's ruling overturning the measure.
Conservative Group Foiled in Attempt to Mandate Defense of Prop. 8 – Law Blog – WSJ – On Thursday, a state appellate court in Sacramento without comment refused to order Schwarzenegger and Brown to appeal a federal judge’s ruling overturning the measure.
Bering in Mind: Polyamory chic, gay jealousy and the evolution of a broken heart | Jesse Bering | Scientific American – Unless you have the unfortunate luck of being coupled with a psychopath, or have the good fortune of being one yourself, broken hearts are not easily experienced at either end, nor are they easily mended by reason or waved off by all the evolutionary logic in the world. And because we’re designed by nature to be not only moderately promiscuous but also to become selfish when that natural promiscuity rears its head—again, naturally—in our partners, “reasonable people” are far from immune to getting hurt by their partner’s open and agreed-upon sex with other parties. Monogamy may not be natural, but neither is indifference to our partners’ sex lives or tolerance for polyamory. In fact, for many people, especially those naively taking guidance from evolutionary theorists without thinking deeply enough about these issues, polyamory can lead to devastating effects.
American Academy of Pediatrics: ‘The media have become one of the leading sex educators in the U.S.’ – National Sex education | Examiner.com – In a policy statement released yesterday, the American Academy of Pediatrics weighs in on Sexuality, Contraception, and the Media, calls for a national task force on children, adolescents, and the media, and advocates for comprehensive sex education, noting that "It is unwise to promote 'abstinence-only' sex education when it has been shown to be ineffective and when the media have become such an important source of information about 'nonabstinence.'"
One Woman Explains Her Journey From Anti-Porn to Pro-Porn | Our Porn, Ourselves – After working with her former boss and mentor for an unspecified amount of time, female research intern Beth Brigham completely disagrees and now openly disputes with Gail Dines anti-porn claims. Brigham and has since worked in porn and so now can speak firsthand about what’s true in Dines’ porn statements about porn and its performers, and what is not.

Tagged as: adult, censorship, craigslist, empathy, gail+dines, jealousy, kinkontap, legal, lgbt, marriage, polyamory, porn, prop8, relationship, relationships, samesex, sexwork

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Bookmarks

by Viviane on 09/04/2010

in del.icio.us,sex

Comment Period Now Open on .XXX – Make Your Voice Heard | techyum :: – On August 24 the 30-day comment period opened for the proposed .XXX top-level domain. Until September 23, the public is invited to tell ICANN what they think. If you’re unfamiliar with the history and issues around .XXX, and the men who stand to profit from it (while exhibiting blatant disregard for the very serious problems it poses) please read Now Playing: .XXX. TLD Carpetbaggers Give New Meaning to “Drop and Snatch” (carnalnation.com).
How To Get A Sex Blogger To Have Sex With You | Sex and the 405 – A good way to get to know me is to engage me regarding the content I post. Yes, we may talk about sex, my preferences and your own. That does not mean you should suggest we fuck. It just means we’re discussing our preferences. Please note that many people engage me in this way and the best way to differentiate yourself is by having intelligent conversation with me.
An Interview with the author of Sex at Dawn; The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality | Examiner.com – I recently had the opportunity to speak with psychologist Christopher Ryan, one of the authors of a revolutionary new book that debunks the theory that monogamy is a natural and thus appropriate construct for our species. The book is entitled Sex at Dawn; The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality and was co-written by Ryan's wife, psychiatrist Cacilda Jetha.
“it’s not about sex” and other lies « Sex Geek – I realize that I come to my poly from a place of queerness, where because of a long history of oppression, of being told our sex is bad, many of us hold onto and defend the beauty of our sexuality with great ferocity. I come to it from a place of kink, where we spend tons of time talking about how to play and have sex in ways that feel good to us. But whether you’re kinky or queer or poly, all of the above or none of the above, I invite you to join me in refusing to buy into any variety of “sex is bad” or “sex is less than,” no matter whose mouth it comes out of. Whether it’s conservative lawmakers, or our intimate partners; the American Psychological Association or our community leaders; the Religious Right or the sacred sexuality proponents.
5 Things an Affair May Not Mean | Christopher Ryan | Huffington Post – In "Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality," Cacilda Jethá, my coauthor (and wife) and I argue that there's a good reason long-term sexual monogamy is hard for human beings. The evidence we present in the book shows that til death do us part may be a wonderful ideal, but it's anything but an easy (or natural) path for most human beings. Yes, we are moral beings (most of us) with the capacity to override our evolved predispositions to some extent, but maybe, just maybe, an occasional slip on that long and arduous path is to be expected…Or maybe not. Such notions of tolerance are actively discouraged in America. As Pamela Druckerman explains in "Lust in Translation," her survey of global attitudes toward infidelity, "It has come to seem obvious to Americans that the discovery of infidelity leads to a confrontation, followed by counseling, perhaps other forms of support, and a long period of discussion and recovery (sometimes in perpetuity)."
Sex and Censorship: What Recent Attacks on Online Sex Discussions Have to Do With Your Blog | BlogHer – That is what is at stake here. This isn't an issue of us versus them, morality versus indecency, conservatives versus liberals, believers versus atheists. This is a matter of freedom to speak, freedom to congregate, freedom to learn about ourselves and to share that knowledge. That's what this country stands for and it's essential that those of us who believe in these tenets take a stance against those seeking to oppress them.

Tagged as: anais+flox, bdsm, Blogging, censorship, domain, feminism, gender, icann, infidelity, internet, language, marriage, monogamy, polyamory, queer, relationships, sex, sexbloggers, sexuality, tfw2010

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Bookmarks

by Viviane on 06/25/2010

in del.icio.us,sex

Vibrator Use Among Gay and Bi Identified Men – About.com Guide to Sexuality Cory Silverberg highlights findings by scientist Michael Reece, who recently published data about vibrating sex toy use among gay and bisexual men. "Along with Debby Herbenick and colleagues at Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Reece has managed to find the funding and time to conduct basic research on sex toy use that has long been needed," Cory writes.
Gay Workers Will Get Time to Care for Partner’s Sick Child – NYTimes.com – The new ruling indicates that an employee in a same-sex relationship can qualify for leave to care for the child of his or her partner, even if the worker has not legally adopted the child.<br />
<br />
The ruling, in a formal opinion letter, tackles a question not explicitly addressed in the 1993 law. It is one of many actions taken by the Obama administration to respond to the concerns of gay men and lesbians within the constraints of the Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman as husband and wife.
The Myth of Lesbian Bed Death (Village Voice) – But where did this idea of “lesbian bed death” come from? Thank sociologist Pepper Schwartz, who, in her 1983 book American Couples, asserted that lesbians have less sex and intimacy than other couples. Although her methodology and results were later challenged, the idea of lesbian bed death has taken on a life of its own, with damaging results.
Talking Sex, With Kink Educators and Anti-Porn Activists | Amanda Hess (Washinton City Paper) – If KinkForAll and “Porn Harms” have one thing in common, it’s an obsession with airing taboos.

Tagged as: antiporn, bisexual, gay, kinkforall, lesbian, lgbt, men, parenting, porn, pornography, relationships, sextoys, women

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Passionate Bonds: Creating EmPowered D/s Relationships w Laura Antoniou and Midori

by Viviane on 06/25/2010

in bdsm,Events

07/30/2010

08/01/2010

Tired of searching for the ultimate guide to your D/s or SM relationship?

Do you want to make your BDSM relationship the best it can be for you and your partners?

Join Marketplace author Laura Antoniou and internationally acclaimed educator Midori for a special weekend intensive designed for real people who enjoy power dynamics and D/s, who want to consciously create quality relationships that suit their personal hungers and needs in the context of the real world.

Learn about the many styles of relationships we enjoy and discover the hidden and vital aspects of your own special way. You will be guided through a special curriculum designed to clearly identify your value system, behavior preferences and relationship goals.

Participants will develop insights to help them get what they want in current and future relationships. This unique curriculum will provide the tools for each individual or relationship unit to create their own customized manual of effective protocol, rules, etiquettes and codes of conducts. The instructors work closely with each student through out each step.

This weekend will include lectures, group discussions and exercises, with time for reflection and time for pure fun.

While experience or current D/s relationship is not necessary, students must be prepared for hard but fulfilling work. Sincerity, willingness to communicate and full participation is required.

Open to anyone with an orientation or a strong interest for a relationship which includes some variation and expression of power exchange or dominance and submission. Any experience level welcome. The weekend is excellent for those in current relationship or domestic units of 2 or more people. It is also highly effective for those who are not currently in relationship but wish have clear visions, goals and structure in place for future relationships.

Class size will be strictly limited to allow for a unique quality experience emphasizing individualized attention.

Through the unique curriculum and its innovative tools, each individual or relationship unit will create their own customized manual of effective protocol, rules, etiquettes and codes of conduct.

Sponsored by North Bound Leather. More information and registration link here.

= = = = = = = = = =
A note about the weekend from Laura Antoniou, author of the Marketplace series:

For almost 20 years, I have put my passion into teaching workshops aimed at the D/S community. I travel around the leather/SM/DS conventions and conferences and spend, at the most, 90 minutes to share what I know about complicated issues! What we do isn’t simple or easy and it sure can’t be compressed into 90 minutes.

With Passionate Bonds, participants get to bring their full attention and focus into an intimate setting where everything is about THEM. From the minute you settle in until the final session, it’s your identity, your relationship, your style, your taste, your values – your PASSION – that Midori and I want to find, identify and support.

From there, we can help you build the best way to live YOUR life. Not someone else’s way, not a fantasy, not some idealized, impossible to achieve image – but your honest, realistic and yes, romantic style of dominance & submission. From the little details about what to call each other to the big picture items like time management and planning for the future. In three days, you find out what is really important to you and how to best bring it into your life, with your current partner(s) or the next one.

You can spend your money on a new pair of leather pants or your time at a weekend watching dungeon play or fetish fashion. Or, you can make an investment in your relationships and values. If you are passionate about why you do this and want to know how to make your fantasy into reality, then this weekend is yours.

Laura

= = = = = = = = = =

A note from Midori about the weekend:

Laura and I are are thrilled about the upcoming weekend we’re co-facilitating. After years of into-the-wee-hours talks on the joys and pitfalls of real world D/s relationships, disparity in practical information, causes of D/s burnout, the need to address how to deal with real life challenges, our own D/s thrills and spills, we created and launched this last year.

We’ve created an experience where you can crystallize your vision and goals, create protocol that serves your style and relationship objective and discuss changes in that relationship. It’s not an easy process but we believe it’ll save you much heartache later. It’s made for both those already in and those who want to be in D/s relationships. We don’t teach the “one true way” – instead we strive to guide you to finding your authentic and fulfilling way.

This will be our pleasure!

Midori

Tagged as: bdsm, d/s, Events, relationships, Toronto

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Bookmarks for March 24th

by Viviane on 03/25/2010

in del.icio.us,sex

Getting Down About Hooking Up | Shira Tarrant | Ms Magazine Blog – What is new on the sexual landscape are debates about whether casual sex is all about fun and free will, or if hooking up is linked to sexual assault and womenâ€™s objectification.
Vegas’ Mystery Sex Blog | The Daily Beast – A Sin City prostitute is posting her sexploits on Twitter and her blog. Richard Abowitz talks to the anonymous woman who’s inspired a city-wide guessing game.
It’s Called a Scene Name for a Reason | Lee Harrington – It’s called a scene name for a reason.<br />
Because its the name they want used in the scene.
Hidden World of Girls – THE KITCHEN SISTERS are launching a new NPR multimedia series exploring the hidden world of girls. Stories of coming of age, rituals and rites of passage, secet identitiesâ€”of women who crossed a line, blazed a trail, changed the tide.
Dating A Porn Star | Lucy Vonne | The Neave Online Publication – But the minute you mention that sex is part of your profession guys only see one thing and presume things about you. ..Yes, I am constantly consumed with and thinking about sex, which was hard for men to see past. They never saw me as the girl to have a relationship with; I was just the hook up. Or if I did start dating someone, they couldnâ€™t deal with my job and would freak out. You have to put on a certain persona and guys couldnâ€™t separate that from the real me. It makes complete sense that I end up in this type of relationship because not only do I understand him but he gets me.
A tale of intriguing timing. â€” Desk Full of Dildos – The death knell has been sounded, dear readers, for Chilldils. A great idea, which still prevailed even when faced with numerous bumps in the road, a concept that I loved not only because it was my â€˜babyâ€™, but also because it was people like YOU who gave it life, has been barred from moving any further. (More drama about a sex toy company giving personal info on former workers)

Tagged as: dating, fe, feminism, girls, patent, relationships, sex, sexblogs, sextoys, sexwork, women

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Bookmarks for November 30th

by Viviane on 12/03/2009

in del.icio.us,sex

The Sex Doctor Is Out / Violet Blue: Talk to your doctor about sex? You’re better off asking Twitter – Picking out a new doctor that you'll feel comfortable talking to — and hope to get accurate answers from — is a challenge with a health care system that is not consumer friendly, nor awake to the concept of sex-positivity.
YouTube – NYS Senator Diane Savino speaks on the Marriage Equality bill –
13-Year-Old Girl Commits Suicide After Classmates Spread Nude Photos : The Curvature – Hope Witsell made the decision to end her own life. A whole lot of other people seemingly decided that keeping women in their place was a lot more important than protecting a 13-year-old girl, and than stamping out sexual misconduct. A whole society backed that second decision up.
Female Sexologist Awaits Pawtucket Zoning Board | Womens eNews – A sexologist in Rhode Island is trying to open an adult-ed center focused in part on the female pleasure principle. Her battle has been complicated by the recent passage of a ban on indoor prostitution, which she opposed.
The Hunt for Porn-Virgins | Carnal San Francisco – A study that set out to examine male subjects who had never been exposed to pornography was foiled by a lack of porn-virgins.
Good Vibrations Magazine » Blog » Sex-Positivity and Judgment – When I started putting these two simple and elegant concepts together, I came to see just how much I was letting my judgments come out. As I learned to pay attention to how my reactions arise, I began to be able to own them and take responsibility for them. When I learned to use language that reflected the fact that my emotions were internal feelings rather than statements of identity or descriptions of the world around me, they became much less likely to take over my experiences…I think that this has major ramifications for sex-positivity. Speaking from a sex-positive place means that we can take responsibility for our judgments.
Speaking to Las Vegas in the Language of Las Vegas — Kickstarter – This is going to be an art installation that combines sculptural elements, performance, audio, video, photo documentation, and illustrated portraits of Las Vegas sex workers. The purpose of this show is to investigate the connections between the Las Vegas economy & the legal & illegal sex work that happens there.
Hand Holding vs. Hand Held – All Tech Considered : NPR – Can you love your partner and your cell phone?

Tagged as: art, health, IloveNewYorkequality, judgment, marriage, perception, politics, porn, relationships, research, samesex, sexuality, sexwork, society, technology, zoning

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Bookmarks for November 24th

by Viviane on 11/30/2009

in del.icio.us,sex

R-Wipe & Clean – CNET Download.com – We like this system-cleaning utility's feature set and flexibility. Naturally, R-Wipe & Clean can erase your browser's cache, cookies, temporary files, and typed URLs. In addition, you can securely delete any file via the right-click menu in Windows Explorer. You can perform common system deletions as well, such as emptying your Recycle Bin and erasing your Clipboard history.
They Shoot Porn Stars Don’t They | Words & photos by Susannah Breslin – A photo-and-text essay on the adult movie industry and the recession.
Want To Break Up? Tis The Season, So Better Hurry : NPR – It's not just turkeys that get nervous this time of year. Chances are high that a failing relationship will also meet its end during the holidays. That's because it's not just turkey season — it's turkey drop season.
The Complete Guide to Google Wave: How to Use Google Wave – The Complete Guide to Google Wave is a comprehensive user manual by Gina Trapani with Adam Pash. Google Wave is a new web-based collaboration tool that's notoriously difficult to understand. This guide will help. Here you'll learn how to use Google Wave to get things done with your group. Because Wave is such a new product that's evolving quickly, this guidebook is a work in progress that will update in concert with Wave as it grows and changes. Read more about The Complete Guide to Google Wave, and follow us on Twitter for updates and Wave tips.
A Few Questions for Belle de Jour, Call Girl and Scientist – Freakonomics Blog – NYTimes.com –
Indecent Exposure: When Sex Workers Get Outed | Carnal New York – The most common complaint leveled at Belle both before and after the reveal is that her memoir "glamorizes" prostitution—as though simply telling the truth about one's life is synonymous with promoting those circumstances. It's fascinating that in both England and the US, selling sex for money is assumed to be so alluring to most women as to need nothing more than one woman's non-traumatic experiences to convince thousands of others to join the hooker ranks. (Perhaps this is, in some ways, tacit acknowledgement of how few high-paying careers seem readily accessible to women or the pay gap that exists in both countries?)

Tagged as: dating, ebooks, essays, google, googlewave, internet, PC, porn, relationships, sex, sexbloggers, sexwork, tools

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Bookmarks for November 9th

by Viviane on 11/11/2009

in del.icio.us,sex

Text Scarleteen | Scarleteen – To ask Scarleteen a question via text, just text 66746 and start your question with the keyword ASKST.
it’s not rope: couture Shibari in Exit Magazine | violet blue ® :: open source sex –
Film Festival Secrets: Programmer Profile: Lisa Vandever of CineKink – Nothing wrong with a little titillation – or a lot – the CineKink audience has also become used to works that take an intelligent approach to sexuality, to depictions that move beyond the clichés, to portrayals that don’t denigrate or preach. They also join us for the sense of community you can get from experiencing a film in the company of like-minded others. And, of course, for some really killer parties!
This American Life | Ira Glass | Chicago Public Radio – Episode 393: Infidelity
Consumer Reports on condoms | violet blue ® :: open source sex – They also — frustratingly — gave me a password to view the subscribers’ only results of which condoms they tested and the results but told me I could not reproduce the findings. ARGH! I will tell you one thing I saw, however and hope it’s not a breach of their request: never, ever, ever use glow in the dark condoms. I’ll also add that I’m dismayed to see the best performers in their stress tests are condom lines that have additives and desensitizing lubricants on them: they’re apparently rated for performance, not body safety.

Tagged as: cinekink, condoms, erotica, Events, fidelity, film, marriage, monogamy, movies, nyc, relationships, sex, sexed, sexuality, shibari, texting

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Bookmarks for October 29th

by Viviane on 10/30/2009

in del.icio.us,sex

160 Handy Twitter Tools and Resources | Social Media Strategies and Tools Explained –
FWD/Forward – FWD (feminists with disabilities) for a way forward
Richmond High School gang rape: Cops arrest 2 in attack on Calif. teen girl; Bystanders did nothing | NY Daily News – The 15-year-old Richmond High School student hospitalized in stable condition after the attack, which happened while as many as 15 people, all males, looked on but didn't help or call police, investigators said.
Pam’s House Blend:: Is It Transphobia Or Just Bad Journalism At Seventeen Magazine? – The thrust of the article, from the article headline to the bolded and highlighted text, seemed to be that female-to-male transsexuals are really females who are deceiving others. This isn't supported by "Sheri"/Jessica Press's use of proper pronouns throughout the piece, but it is accomplished in the headline chosen for the piece, and the highlighted and bolded call-out boxes for the piece.
The jealousy issue – Times Online – Catherine Millet wrote a book about her own sexual adventures, so it was a shock when she grew obsessed with her husband and his lover. “It was then that I realised I was taking enormous masochistic pleasure in the jealousy, and particularly in the fantasies I conjured up of Jacques and other women. I had become a voyeur.”
Mate debate: Is monogamy realistic? – CNN.com –
Testimony of an Abortion Addict | Bitch Magazine – Irene Vilar’s extraordinary and incendiary new memoir, Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict, is a potential launching pad for a discussion about abortion that is more personal than political. Having terminated fifteen pregnancies in sixteen years, Vilar turns her experiences into a reminder that the complexity of abortion extends beyond the scientific and political arenas.
Hate Crimes Bill Signed Into Law 11 Years After Matthew Shepard’s Death | Huffington Post – President Obama signed major civil rights legislation on Wednesday, making it a federal hate crime to assault people based on sexual orientation, gender and gender identity. The new measure expands the the scope of a 1968 law that applies to people attacked because of their race, religion or national origin. The U.S. Justice Department will have expanded authority to prosecute such crimes when local authorities don't.
Interview with S. Bear Bergman (The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You) — Genderfork – I managed to get a copy of the book, and I need to tell you: it’s wonderful. It’s about life in the middle-ground of gender, and all the many ways the world around us hiccups as we try to live our lives. It’s encouraging and honest, and you should go buy it right now. There are very few people out there who are telling our story well in a mainstream medium. But Bear is one of them.
How Journalists Can Use Twitter Lists to Customize, Discover and Curate | Poynter Online – E-Media Tidbits – The most powerful element of discovery is being able to follow other people's lists. In one click, all the users on that list will appear on your home page and Lists page.

Tagged as: abortion, blogs, books, culture, disability, feminism, jealousy, law, legislation, lgbt, lists, monogamy, politics, polyamory, queerstudies, rape, relationships, socialmedia, tools, transgender, Twitter, violence, women

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Bookmarks for October 25th through October 26th

by Viviane on 10/27/2009

in del.icio.us,sex

These are my links for October 25th through October 26th:

Scary Sex Toys â€“ Sex Toys That Are More Scary Than Sexy | Cory Silverberg – the sex toys below are ghoulish not just in their looks, but in misguided conception, poor design, and sometimes obvious danger.
Social Networking – Legal and Ethical Issues for Lawyers and Investigators | Private Investigator Public Records Internet Search Privacy Reporting – PI Buzz – Much of the discussion concerned access to profile content, – the difference between civil and criminal (where thereâ€™s the familiar prosecution/defense imbalance) cases – whether certain information should be private even if it can be viewed by unintended parties.
Kids and Sexy Costumes: The Problem With Halloween | BlogHer – Without a doubt, Halloween is a survivor; one that sticks around by absorbing the qualities of the culture in prominence where the holiday is celebrated. The truth of the matter is that Halloween is not a holiday for kids. The shift to kids is a very recent thing in its epic history, and I think the emergence of more and more sexualized costumes is both a reflection of our culture’s attitudes toward sex and an attempt to take the holiday back.
Dr. Dick on Demand: Sex and the Aging Male – Iâ€™m receiving a startling number of correspondences lately from older men and their partners, highlighting the sexual difficulties of the aging process. Itâ€™s not surprising that these people are noticing the changes in their sexual response cycle as they age, but it is astonishing that they havenâ€™t attributed the changes to andropause.
Editorial – Oklahoma vs. Women – NYTimes.com – What persuaded the judge was not the affront to womenâ€™s rights, but a technical defect: the law addressed disparate issues in one bill in violation of the stateâ€™s Constitution. Still, the victory for reproductive freedom is heartening.
How to Talk to Kids About Pornography – Tips for Parents on Talking to their Kids About Pornography | Cory Silverberg – If I could only give you one reason why you should at least think about talking to your kids about pornography it’s that, if statistics are to be believed, they are likely to encounter some of it before they reach an age where theyâ€™ll be able to critically understand what they are seeing.
Google Docs Batch Export – Now you can export all your documents, spreadsheets, presentations and PDFs from Google Docs in a ZIP archive.
Time to boycott Scholastic Books? Lauren Myracle’s ‘Luv Ya Bunches’ banned from school book fairs – Last week theSchool Library Journal and other sources reported that Scholastic Books is banning Luv Ya Bunches (a young adult novel by Lauren Myracle) from its book fairs because one of the main characters has gay parents and thus fails to “meet the norms of the various communities that host the fairs.”
Rainbow Response Coalition – Welcome to the home page of Rainbow Response, a grassroots coalition that brings together organizations and leaders from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) communities, along with traditional domestic violence service providers and government agencies. We collaborate to increase the awareness about Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) amid the relationships of LGBTQ individuals, educating within the LGBTQ communities and beyond.

Tagged as: abortion, backup, culture, domestic+violence, facebook, google, googledocs, health, legal, legislation, lgbt, men, parenting, politics, privacy, relationships, sexed, sextoys, sexuality, socialmedia, tools

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Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns

by Domina Doll on 10/15/2009

in bdsm,book,dominance,domination,kink,submission,submissive

â€œScrew the Roses, Send Me the Thornsâ€ was not the first book I have ever read on BDSM.Â When I first started getting interested in BDSM, the internet was my guide, some of it useful, some of it ridiculous, everyone had an opinion.Â I then read â€œDifferent Lovingâ€ and â€œSensuous Magicâ€, both excellent books relating to power exchange, the first being a series of â€œcase studiesâ€ of real lifestylers by Brame, Brame and Jacobs, and the second a more subjective, yet open look into the BDSM lifestyle by sex radical, educator and writer Patrick Califia.

â€œScrew the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochismâ€ by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon is very subjective, written by a male dominant and submissive female couple and first published in 1995.Â It has been hailed as the go-to guide into power exchange relationships and even the BDSM bible.Â Today, the book is fairly dated as both the images and the text will attest, yet there is still a lot of relevant information inside.Â It is written in first person as both Phillip and Molly write various parts of each section, each relating it to their personal experience and power dynamic.Â The tone is friendly and tries to use humor quite a bit which tends to be a bit kitschy at times. The book is also a bit sexist, as Phillip seems to have his own ideas of male and female roles, including sections entitled: “Phillip’s Treehouseâ€”No Girls Allowed” and “Molly’s Quilting Bee,” in which only the males or females in each relationship are supposed to read each part.Â No doubt these dynamics work well for this couple and many others, but I found the tone, the sexism and the sometimes tasteless humor to be sometimes off-putting and found myself rolling my eyes a lot while reading it.

Having said that, this is a good introductory book for those searching to learn the basics of BDSM relationships, but it is by no means the BDSM bible.Â It does teach many different aspects of the power exchange relationship, but bear in mind that it is subjective so to get a full education, read many books on the subject, learn from your own personal experiences and get a mentor if you can and come to your own conclusions.

What you will learn in Screw the Roses

Page from Screw the Roses

Chapter One defines the BSDM terms and roles, which is fairly basic, yet sometimes confusing.Â It states the difference between a Top/bottom and Dom/sub and the interchangeability of these roles.Â Chapter Two talks about communication and trust as well as the psychological aspects of a relationship, all practical advice and Chapter Three gives resources on where to find play partners (the internet!). Chapter Four discusses negotiations, levels in the power exchange (including unrealistic situations), and limits and has a sample negotiation questionnaire which has now become the standard.Â Chapter Five delves deeper in the male/female roles and how men and women should connect with alternate aspects of themselves, ie: their anima and animus.Â Chapter Six introduces the reader into various types of sensation, pain and edge play, whereas Chapter Seven and Eight are all about bondage.Â Â Chapters Nine and Ten focus on percussion play and discipline, while Chapter Eleven deals with endorphins, pain as pleasure and sub-space.Â Chapter Twelve talks about the more psychological elements of BDSM play such as verbal abuse, humiliation, and degradation.Â The final Chapter gives you ideas on how to furnish your play space and the end of the book features a Glossary and several Appendixes with resources, many of which will be now obsolete.

Most of the sections are fairly comprehensive and most people, even advanced players will no doubt find useful information in it.Â I especially enjoyed the part that described the Doms and subs you should avoid with monikers like: Divina Nolo Mentis, Autoerotico Fabula, Neandrathal Vulgaris, and Femme Desparata.Â While these caricatures are tongue-in-cheek, it is amazing how you can find their likeness in â€œrealâ€ scene players so easily.Â Another myth the authors discount is the 24/7 lifestyle Master/slave relationship which they say is too much pressure, unrealistic and unhealthy, and for the most part Iâ€™d have to agree. Â I have rarely seen people live these roles constantly in a relationship and last very long.Â Not to mention that relationships evolve and dynamics change.

So, there are some great pointers in this book, lots of useful info and plenty to read, if you can get past the POV, kitschy humor, and sometimes egotistical sexism.Â And, donâ€™t forget there are a lot of varying perspectives, so read other books on the subject, join your local BDSM group when you feel ready, and find a good mentor to help you learn the ropes.

Screw the Roses | BDSM | Sex Toys

Tagged as: bdsm, book, book review, dominance and submission, kink, power exchange, relationships, screw the roses send me thorns

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Ashley and Kisha

by Domina Doll on 08/01/2009

in comstock films,erotic,erotica,lesbian,lesbians,movies

Like Comstockâ€™s other films, â€œAshley and Kishaâ€ showcases an intimate relationship between two lovers, whose story is tender and unique.Â Ashley and Kisha are two young women who met in college and became lovers.Â Ashley is an out-and-proud lesbian, while Kisha considered herself â€œstraightâ€ and not interested in women, until she met Ashley.Â During their interview, the women talk about how Kisha initially rebuffed Ashleyâ€™s â€œanimal instinctâ€ advances until she tried more â€œsubtlerâ€ methods, â€œeasing her way inâ€ to Kishaâ€™s consciousness until Kisha could no longer resist.

The two are a study in contrasts:Â Kisha is very conservative, soft and voluptuous; Ashley out-spoken, confident and rebellious with a lean, athletic body.Â Â Ashley takes control in the bedroom, awakening Kishaâ€™s body to a rediscovery of pleasure, a pleasure that only another woman can know.Â Both women admit that sex together is the best they ever had.

Their story is sweet and amorous, their lovemaking playful, sensual and erotic.Â â€œAshley and Kishaâ€ is delightful film about the rhapsody of young love between two women and their journey of new sexual discovery.

Ashley and Kisha: Finding The Right Fit (Real People, Real Life, Real Sex series)

Tagged as: Ashley and Kisha, comstock films, erotica, film review, lesbian, love, relationships, sex

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