polyamory

Sugasm #159

by Viviane on 02/18/2009

in sugasm

04 Sugasm #159

Photo: Sapphic Erotica

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #160? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
The Annual Anti-Valentine’s Day Posting: 2009 Edition
“Ahh, Valentine’s Day. Sigh.”

Exposed
“We talk a lot about putting me on display, and it was even more intense in reality as it has been in fantasy.”

Yes
“At the edge of the precipice, my nerves rippling with electricity, i tumbled down into you”

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Compassion: A Call From Baghdad

Editor’s Choice
Stairwell

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
A different approach to polyamory
Do vegetarians make good lovers?
Fantasies
Onesies and Twosies
Things I’ve Discovered I Like
Understanding Masturbation Addiction [podcasturbation]

Sex News, Review, and Interviews
20 Questions with Shawn (aka Syd Blakovich)
The Choices We Make…
Stars In My Eyes
Tribute to Milton

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Dakoda Brookes
Hearts -HNT
In the garden of lust
Kiki

BDSM & Fetish
25 Things, the Kinky Way
The Domme Experiment – The Result
Firsts, part 2
Permission
Single Minded Passion
“There is no ’should’” and the sex-positive “agenda”

Erotic Writing and Experiences
A Bossy Blowjob
Concrete
A Gift for Daddy
Guess Who I Came Across At The Weekend?
My Idea…
Naughty Rose goes bananas!
Petulant and Demanding
The Scream
While She was Waiting

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Sexual Privacy and Liberty: Sex Positive Education on Same-Sex Marriage, Group Sex, Polyamory and More!
Wed. Feb. 18th, 8pm, The Center

In this provocative discussion, attorney and sexuality activist Diana Adams explains the legal and political arguments in the recent same-sex marriage cases. Ms. Adams will address both the advantages and disadvantages of the queer movement’s marital and monogamous pursuit of happiness.

She will discuss progressive alternatives to marriage and the possibilities for legal recognition of polyamorous relationships. Ms. Adams will also explain and answer questions about the legality of group sex and sex parties, and the importance of recent gay cruising arrests for all sex positive people!

Diana Adams was educated at Yale College and Cornell Law School, and started her own sexual civil rights law practice in New York City in 2006. She defends alternative families and sex positive people throughout New York State in child custody cases.  She is a nationally-known polyamory activist and educator, and happily provides legal counsel, relationship coaching, and workshops to clients who are polyamorous, queer, and kinky (like her!).  Find her at www.feministoutlaw.com.

Sexual Privacy and Liberty:  Sex Positive Education on Same-Sex Marriage, Group Sex, Polyamory and More!
Wednesday, Feb 18th – 8pm
The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center
208 W. 13th (between 7th & 8th), Manhattan
A/C/E or 1/2/3 lines to 14th Street Station
212.620.7310

ren hard 08 shanna 0204 241x300 Poly and Relationship Mapping Workshop in SF, Jan 16th

This Friday January 16th at 7pm Femina Potens brings you Shanna Katz aka Essin’ Em. Essin’ Em will be presenting Basics of Poly and Relationship Mapping workshop.
This workshop is primarily a lecture and discussion on the ideas of polyamory, open-relationships, non-monogamous relationships, etc. In addition to talking about what poly is (and what it can and does mean to different people), we’ll go over the basic types of relationships that people have (primary, secondary and tertiary) in their lives, how we can map them, patterns to look for, and what we can get out of these maps. We’ll also discuss communication and negotiation with your partners, mediation, and what to do when one or more of you is feeling hurt. Come open minded, and prepared examine your own relationship(s).

Workshop is $10 – $15 sliding scale, no one turned away for lack of funds.

Shanna Katz (aka Essin-Em) is a kinky, queer, non-monogamous, feminist, politically active, sex-educator Femme, with a bit of twisted sense of humor. Her sexuality blog “Sexuality Happens” can be found at www.Essin-Em.com. She spends her time pondering sex, sexuality, the gender spectrum, non-traditional relationships, sex toys, erotic writing, queer sexuality, new definitions of feminism and more.

She has a Master’s in Human Sexuality Education, and does work both online and face-to-face, educating people in a variety of ways about a variety of subjects. She has done trainings, workshops and written curricula for numerous universities including SUNY-Purchase, Colorado College and Princeton University, and has presented at the Planned Parenthood Association of Bucks Country (Doylestown, PA), Passional Toys (Philadelphia, PA), Hysteria Boutique (Denver, CO) and S.E.X. PhD (Denver, CO). In her free time, she’s a mother to her kitty Kinsey, and is a roller derby referee for the Denver Rollers Dolls. For more information on Shanna, go to www.ShannaKatz.com.

Femina Potens is located at 2199 Market St. @ Sanchez. SF,CA 94114. www.feminapotens.org.

Reserve your tickets early at Brown Paper Tickets.

No on Prop 8: 8 lesbian bloggers have banded together to fight California’s Proposition 8. Their goal is to raise $8,000 by October 27th.

The Butterfly Temptress‘ series on cancer is being reprinted at the Best Sex Bloggers. You can also donate to the medical fund set up to help with her expenses by clicking on the link on my side bar. Note: Eden Fantasys was originally set to match the funds, but has pulled out.

Tango Magazine has an article about compersion, the feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another.

Circumcision inquiry: Tristan Taormino’s writing a piece on circumcision. She’s looking to interview a parent-to-be who’s having a boy and has not yet decided whether to circumcise. Please email asktristan at gmail.

Get a badge for your blog:  I love sex and I vote.

Alternet has  a guide to how Obama and McCain compare on gay marriage, LGBT adoption and sex education.  (via Violet Blue)

Pepomint has an essay addressed to monogamous people, on how to be poly-friendly.

A student and part-time journalist who was sentenced to death for circulating an article about the rights of women under Islam after downloading it from the Internet, has had the sentence commuted. Instead, he has been sentenced to 20 years in prison.

AV Flox has a post up at Open Salon about the “(seeming) paradox of how this so-called age of ambient awareness in fact makes us more disconnected in real life.” (via Bonni Rambatan).

Naughty voters, VibeReview has a promotion running until Election Day. Use this link and get 10% on your purchase.

Dan Savage is an asshole. I know that’s not news, but his latest “slog” post in the Seattle Stranger demonstrates his common tendency to crap all over people and events just for the misanthropic fun of it.

It doesn’t matter that he is generally pro poly. His is the last opinion I’d value on that question. What does matter is that his toxic, scornful cynicism leads him to step on his own dick while at the same time slandering others and poisoning the minds of his readers against them:

Link

. . .Polyamory gained a degree of cultural vogue in the sexual revolution of the 1970s, when books like “Open Marriage” made best-seller lists and swingers capitalized on the concept to justify experimentation. But while it failed to survive the era of fern bars for the mainstream population, a small but vocal collection of adherents — many borrowing the language of inclusion used in the gay rights movement — argues that polyamory can be a workable, responsible way to live.

Within the past year, books like “Open,” by Jenny Block, and “Opening Up,” by the sex columnist Tristan Taormino, have argued for polyamory. Celebrities like Tilda Swinton and Carla Sarkozy, the first lady of France, have expressed support for open relationships.

This weekend, a group called Polyamorous NYC, with more than 2,000 members, planned to have a three-day Poly Pride Weekend, featuring a picnic and rally in Central Park.

All this does not mean that polyamory has risen above underground status. Edward O. Laumann, a sociology professor at the University of Chicago and a prominent sex researcher, said many sex studies don’t treat the practice as a category of its own.

Dr. Laumann said polyamorists are probably “just talking like that because they haven’t found somebody special.”

But whether it is a movement, or just something a few a couples do, there is little debate that polyamory holds a certain risqué interest for those who would never practice it, and that it can make one’s life very complicated.

Link

Welcome all polyamorous, poly-friendly, and poly-curious people & their families: Please join Polyamorous NYC in celebration of our 8th annual Pride Weekend!

We have a full weekend of events, and a long list of polyamory leaders and experts coming in from all over country. The festivities kick off on Friday night with the Super Massive Cuddle Party, the largest Cuddle Party of the year. The main event is the Picnic+Rally in Central Park on Saturday with an all-star list of entertainers and speakers. Then come party Saturday night at the After Party. And finally, we have a new addition to the weekend schedule, a Read+Sign on Sunday with experts and authors of some of the most prominent books on polyamory.

EVENTS

Super Massive Cuddle Party
Fri., Oct 3, 8pm (late arrivals will not be admitted)
Room 101 of The LGBT Center, 208 W 13th St., Manhattan

Founders Marcia Baczynski & Reid Mihalko (http://www.cuddleparty.com/) kick things off with a Super Massive Cuddle Party(tm). This playful, fun workshop has been a place for people to rediscover non-sexual touch and affection, a space to reframe assumptions about men and women, and a great networking event to meet new friends, roommates, business partners and significant others.

Poly Pride Rally

(Main Event including presenters & performers from around the country)
Sat., Oct 4, Noon – 6pm
Central Park, Great Hill, 106th & CPW

Keynote speaker: Tristan Taormino, Village Voice columnist & author of Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining Open Relationships Polyamorous NYC’s centerpiece Picnic + Rally is MC’d by Hedda Lettuce and includes sets by poly comedians, updates by poly experts, readings by poly authors, and performances by community supporters such as Houston Bernard, the Pixie Harlots, Naked Highway, and Zach Hagan & 1050.

Pride After-Party
Sat., Oct 4, 9pm – 1am
River Room, River Place, 650 W 42nd St, 3rd floor

Our dazzling spectacular takes place at a private loft with fabulous Hudson River views. Drinks and delectables will be complemented by feature performances by Nasty Canasta, Violet Temper, Pixie Harlots, Kelli Dunham, and Porno Jim. And with Morpheus as MC and DJ Friar Tuck.!

Book Signing and Reading
Sun., Oct. 5, 12:30-2:30pm
Bluestockings Bookstore, 172 Allen (btwn Stanton & Rivington)

Sensual recollections, practical insights, and recounting of history are just three of the aspects of polyamory to be explored through readings and honest discussion: Authors Serena Anderlini, Peter Benson, Kelli Dunham, Barbara Foster, Jaime Grant, Cunning Minx, Leanne Wolfe, Jenny Block and Tristan Taormino read from their fiction and nonfiction writings. Highlights include selections from Taormino’s new book Opening Up: A Guide to Creating & Sustaining Open Relationships and Block’s reading from her nationally recognized book Open: Love, Sex & Life in an Open Marriage.

FOJ email banner 1 Friends of Jefferson: Psychiatric Fees

Does someone involved in BDSM or polyamory do so due to pyschopathology? That question will be addressed in the next phase of our custody case.

As anticipated, the judge has ordered psychiatric evaluations of each parent. In my case, this is called for due to the BDSM and polyamorous activities described in my blog.

As we go through this phase, each parent will meet individually with the psychiatrist for multiple sessions. How many sessions has yet to be determined, but it will be an extensive process. We are to make available all past and current medical and therapy records. We are told to expect that this process will take at least ninety days. So, come Christmas, we’ll likely still be at it.

While we hope that the law guardian, plaintiff’s attorney and my own attorney can agree on a psychiatrist to conduct these studies at a reduced fee rate requested by the court, apparently there are not many doctors willing to accept those lower fees.

So far, we are being quoted standard or slightly reduced charges somewhere between four hundred and six hundred dollars an hour. This process generally involves ten to twenty hours of sessions for each parent. I’m responsible for paying half the total cost, and so face bills between four thousand and twelve thousand dollars.

I’m perfectly confident that, like the great majority of people involved in BDSM and/or polyamory, my sexuality is not compelled by pathology. I am confident that my sexuality does not adversely affect my abilities as a parent. I take great joy in the fact that my children are well adjusted and thriving.

That said, I appreciate the court’s desire to err on the side of caution when the best interests of children are concerned. The court should be assured of each parent’s mental health as we go forward in this matter.

Your support of my legal fund is most appreciated in this phase. While each parent undergoes this extensive process of psychiatric evaluation, there are not likely to be dramatic events to report. For the next ninety days or so, we will each be in private sessions. We won’t have an outcome to report until that concludes.

During this phase, your contributions will go to the psychiatrist as well as to the children’s law guardian and my own attorney.

After this phase, we will be faced with concerns directly relating to free speech and custody: what will the court decide about this parent’s right to write about parenting and sexuality in this blog?

Please feel free to post this appeal (or links to it) on your blogs, and to spread the word within groups and networks concerned with parenting, sexuality and free speech.

Make an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund at:

Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

FOJ email banner 1 Psychiatric Evaluation

Not long after I announced that my ex had discovered my blog and made an emergency application to the court seeking sole custody of our children, I was contacted by numerous parents who had been though similar court challenges of their custody based upon their particular sexual lifestyles.

A father wrote to share his sympathies, offering to do anything he could to help. He told me his ex had won custody of their children on the basis of his involvement with BDSM. I was contacted by another parent, a woman who had retained custody of her children despite her ex’s efforts to prove her unfit because she is transgendered. I heard from many other parents whose suitability as custodial parents was called into question based on their sexuality or lifestyle. Some had lost custody, some had won custody, but all knew how harrowing the court process is —not only for the parents, but for the children as well.

Those of us who choose to blog our lives do so at some risk, particularly those of us with readers who may seek to use our words against us. As it happens, parents like myself who do so enter into a gray area in the rights to free speech. In child custody cases, the basic standard is the best interests of the child. The definition of “best interests” may differ according to each specific child in each specific situation. First Amendment concerns in relationship to child custody issues remains largely undefined and untested. It is uncertain how a court will decide when faced with an author, such as myself, who blogs and has also been published in respected and “legitimate” publications over the years. Free speech is a real concern in this case: will the court decide that I am no longer allowed to write about the coexistence of my life as a joint custodial parent and as a sexually active adult?

[click to continue…]

summercamp design2 01 Dark Odyssey: Summer Camp 08   Workshop list

Dark Odyssey Summer Camp 2008. Banner photo by Hypnox

Dark Odyssey Summer Camp 2008
September 10-15, 2008
Northern Maryland

RATES GO UP AUGUST 25!
My readers of my blog are entitled to a discount – please email me.

The confirmed list of presenters and workshops for Dark Odyssey: Summer Camp ’08 just went live on the website and we are so excited to share it with all of you!

From a world-renowned porn star and an infamous performance artist to nationally acclaimed authors and award-winning educators, we have presenters from around the world, including:

Anton * Barbara Carrellas * Bear * Beth and Preston * Bobby * British “Lucky” Paul
Captain Beatrice & Benedick * Foxy & Sherifox *  Lady Hilary and The
Marine *  Lee Harrington * Lolita Wolf * Margo Eve & Elkor *  Nina Hartley *
Reid Mihalko & Marcia Baczynski * Sarah Sloane *  Sharrin Spector * Sir C *
Susan B * SwitchMe * Whittney Matlock * Wintersong Tashlin

The most unique, exciting workshops anywhere, with an emphasis on hands-on demonstrations. Plus, there are classes are ones you will ONLY see at Dark Odyssey, some of which have been created especially for the DO community, including:

  • Archetypes: Accessing and Integrating your Sovereign, Lover, Magician and Warrior
  • The Art of Seminal Expansion: Taoist Sexual Practices for Men
  • Becoming Orgasmic Providers
  • D/s Tantra: The Tao of Power Exchange
  • Energy, Magic, Sex and the Great Outdoors
  • Flogging Intensive
  • Getting your FeetÅ Wet: Erotic Energy Play 101
  • Inner Monsters: Delving into the Darkness of our Desires
  • Needle Bound: Merging Temporary and Permanent Piercing
  • Poly for Non-Primary Partners
  • Predicament Scenes: Damned if you do. Damned if you don¹tÅ .
  • A Re-Introduction To The Only-Mostly-Dead Art Of Chivalry
  • Seven Touchstones for Getting and Keeping Passionate Relationships
  • Sucking It Up: Erotic Fire Cupping
  • Urethral Play: A Hole of Your Own
  • Yielding to Brutality: Punching and Kicking with Love


PLUS, LOTS MORE ON…

Sex: Cocksucking, Fisting, G-spot and Female Ejaculation
Relationships: Poly and Practicality, Asking for What You Want
Body Mod Play: Cutting, Advanced Cutting, Branding
Spirituality: Energy Pull Ritual and Erotic Awakening Massage
PLUS: An Entire Track of Classes & Events Devoted to Fireplay

In addition to workshops, Dark Odyssey features creative social activities, nightly special events, erotic rituals, lakeside bonfires, the Sex-O-Rama playspace, and a 10,000 square foot fully equipped dungeon open for play around the clock. Legendary special events include:

Body Beautiful * Sunset Yoga * Night in Flames * Energy Pull Ritual * Garden of Carnal Delights * Cupid’s Gambit * Fucking Machines Show * Cigars & Chocolate * Cuddle Party * Fire Spinning * Petting Zoo * Pajama Party

All this happens in a fun camp environment at a retreat with great accommodations: forty cabins with real beds, full bathrooms, hot water showers, and electricity; two swimming pools, canoeing, and hiking; plus, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack included.

Unlike a typical conference event, where you have to pay for registration fees, hotel room costs, plus meals, Dark Odyssey is an all-inclusive event.
Current registration rates are good through August 25, but you can register up until September 9.

Visit our website for more details. We hope you will join us for this exciting event!

Best Regards,

The Producers of Dark Odyssey:
Tristan, Greg, Karri, and Colten

swingtown cbs promo picture 300x259 NCSF Entertainment Media Update for Swingtown

Swingtown – Molly Parker as Susan Miller, Jack Davenport as Bruce Miller, Lana Parrilla as Trina Decker, Grant Show as Tom Decker (CBS Photo by Cliff Lipson)

Show Title: Swingtown
Episode Title: “Pilot”
Original airdate: June 5, 2008
Series continues: Thursday, 10 pm
Network: CBS
Produced by: CBS Paramount Television
Executive Producers: Michael Kelley, Allen Poul and Carol Barbee

Description
From the program’s website – “SWINGTOWN, from the director of ‘Big Love’ and ‘Rome,’ traces two generations of friends and neighbors as they forge intimate connections and explore new freedoms during the culturally transformative decade of the 1970s. It portrays the ever-shifting “swing” of the pendulum that reflected the change in America’s collective value system — morally, politically and socially. After moving to an upscale lakeside Chicago suburb in July of 1976, Susan and Bruce Miller must confront temptation in the form of their provocative new neighbors, Tom and Trina Decker, while not abandoning their old friends Janet and Roger Thompson. As the adult couples evaluate whether to embrace or avoid newfound personal freedoms, the curious Miller and Thompson children begin to discover and assert their own morality and sexual identities as they come of age in a world on the precipice of change. In a shifting social climate — defined by its music, fashion and style — everyone in SWINGTOWN is confronted with personal choices, experimentation and varying attitudes.”

More info, including clips and the most recent episode of the show,
can be found at:
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/swingtown/

NCSF Reviewer’s Note

Originally intended for a cable network outlet, “Swingtown” has obviously been retooled to meet broadcast standards and withstand certain scrutiny from the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). Nonetheless, while it shies away from nudity and direct depictions, the show still manages to take a refreshingly
positive approach to sexual exploration and freedom. The most adventurous couple of the three featured, the Deckers, is presented as sharing a mutual enjoyment of their open marriage and seem to have a healthy, affectionate relationship. Similarly the Millers, introduced to the swing lifestyle in the first episode, are shown to be in love, but just seeking a little something to rev up their sex life.

It’s a little difficult to predict where the series will go over the course of its initial 13-episode run, but given how quickly the Millers jump into the action – counter to what most swingers themselves would counsel – there are sure to be complications ahead. While there are likely some consequences to be faced down the line, hopefully the show will maintain the sex-positive tone it exhibited in its premiere episode.

In light of complaints already being registered from media watch groups and religious political extremists, the CBS network and its local affiliates deserve commendation for airing “Swingtown” and should be encouraged to continue its broadcast.

(Reviewed by Lisa Vandever, NCSF Media Committee)

CRITICAL ACTION – GIVE FEEDBACK ON SWINGTOWN TO YOUR LOCAL CBS AFFILIATE:

Find your station here:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/07/31/utility/main517034.shtml

(Hard copy letters are generally more effective, but sending an email is better than nothing.)

ADDITIONAL ACTION – GIVE FEEDBACK ON SWINGTOWN TO THE CBS NETWORK:

CBS Television Network
51 West 52nd Street
New York, NY 10019

(While hard copy letters are generally more effective, you can also send a direct email to the network via a form on their website -
http://www.cbs.com/info/user_services/fb_global_form.shtml.)

YOU CAN ALSO LEAVE INPUT VIA THE “SWINGTOWN” COMMUNITY MESSAGE BOARD:
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/swingtown/community/
(requires email registration)

HOW TO WRITE VIEWER FEEDBACK

Viewer letters are an effective way to convey a positive image of alternate sexual practices such as SM, swinging or polyamory. Your feedback can help to correct negative social myths and misconceptions about these types of practices, and may influence the future decisions of programmers and producers about the entertainment they provide.

These letters help achieve the advocacy goals of the NCSF.

For more information and suggestions of points to include in your letter, see:
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_keyword&id=182

Please alert us to positive, negative or neutral stories about SM, swinging and polyamory at media@ncsfreedom.org

***

A joint Project of NCSF and ITCR: The Foundation of NCSF

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom is a national organization committed to creating a political, legal, and social environment in the United States that advances equal rights of consenting adults who practice forms of alternative sexual expression. NCSF is primarily focused on the rights of consenting adults in the SM-leather-fetish, swing, and polyamory communities, who often face discrimination because of their sexual expression.

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
822 Guilford Avenue, Box 127
Baltimore, MD 21202-3707
410-539-4824
media AT ncsfreedom DOT org
www.ncsfreedom.org