- My Family Found out I Blog About Sex | BlogHer – “Have you considered changing your name?” the message from my aunt read. “Our name is too obscure and boring, don’t you think? The famous do better with something catchy and bright.”…This wasn’t a compliment. It was a very polite way of saying that what I was doing with my life — writing about sex — was not in keeping with the image my father’s family desires for itself.
- Dissent Magazine – Arguing The World – What Gail Dines Doesn’t Get About SlutWalk – Dines shares more common ground with SlutWalk than she realizes. The organizers are not celebrating the word “slut” or “promoting sluttishness in general.” The SlutWalkers are marching in solidarity with all women who have been dismissed, degraded, or hurt by the label. They are marching against sexual violence and the ugly stereotypes that help to perpetuate it.
- Botox and Better Butts? What Messages Are We Sending to Young Girls? | RH Reality Check -
- Uganda’s LGBT Activists Get a Temporary Victory | violet blue ® :: open source sex – The reprehensible “anti-gay” bill in Uganda has been dealt a blow by that country’s brave LGBT activists and the world human rights community. In a nation where homosexuality was already illegal, and punishable by 14 years in prison, this law would have made things even worse, establishing the death penalty, among other things, for having gay sex while HIV positive.
- Bill Sienkiewicz And Frank Miller’s Wonder Woman: Bondage (Bleeding Cool) – DC Comics never saw this image. Neither Bill Sienkiewicz nor Frank Miller intended it to go public. But when it was sold, despite assurances that it wouldn’t go online, somewghere alon the line, it got sold to someone who didn’t know about that requirement.
- NCSF Wallet Card – A pocket reference for dealing with law enforcement
- ‘Paying For It’ Without Regret: An Intriguing Graphic Memoir Of Prostitution : Monkey See : NPR – It’s not that getting dumped by his girlfriend soured Canadian cartoonist Chester Brown on the notion of romantic love, exactly. Because to sour on something, one would have to, at some point, feel strongly about it. And given the facts on evidence in Brown’s latest autobiographical comic, the guy’s not much for strong emotion. No, the Chester Brown we glimpse through the tiny black and white panels the artist arranges with such exacting precision is a creature of intellect. His approach to sex, in the wake of his girlfriend’s rejection, is one of cool logic, dispassionate conclusions — and some very literal cost-to-benefit ratios.
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- » wanna participate? The Visibility Project – The Visibility Project is a photographic portraiture series focused on the Queer Asian American identified community. All the participants have identified as female at one time and the project is inclusive to: trans, ftm, mtf, genderqueer, bisexuals, lesbian, gay, intersex, andro, two-spirit, or any other gender or sexual identifications…Seeking participants who are willing to be photographed at a studio in Brooklyn, NY during the last week of December. Date(s) have not been finalized yet, but please send an email or post a comment if you’d like to be a part of this amazing project. The shoot dates will be between Dec 28th and Jan 2. Looking for all ages, no modeling experience necessary, just be willing to be photographed and interviewed, plan to spend about 20-30 minutes at the location. When the dates are finalized, time-slots will be given to each participant.
- WGLB: Sex and Civilization: The Body as Battleground – But if liberated sexuality is world-destroying from the mythic, fundamentalist point of view, it is world-creating from a pluralistic one.
- Twelve Ways To Scare Away Twitter Followers | Fiction Groupie –
- When’s the Best Time to Publish Blog Posts? | Problogger – I found that among very popular blogs, publishing multiple times per day led to a huge increase in a blog’s success. This tells us that rather than focusing one perfect day or time, we should aim to publish at many times, and on many days.
- Trve West Coast Fiction: Ethics Part I (Danny Wylde) – So here is my self-assigned homework: Talk to those who produce what I believe to be “ethical porn,” interview performers on what they feel differentiates a safe work environment from one that is degrading or dis-empowering, and do my best to figure out if there is any discernible way for consumers to figure out what type of product will get him/her off and still provide a clean conscious.
- Legit or Unfit? Finding Safe, Sound Sex Educators & Support Online | Scarleteen – Not every good sex educator or person you can trust to talk with about sexuality online and get reliable information from has one kind or set of credentials, nor one kind of experience or background. There are formal and informal routes into doing sex ed as your gig, and a lot of different avenues into the field. But even with our diversity, there are some common threads and some typical ways you can figure whose information and help you can trust and whose you probably shouldn't.
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- Comment Period Now Open on .XXX – Make Your Voice Heard | techyum :: – On August 24 the 30-day comment period opened for the proposed .XXX top-level domain. Until September 23, the public is invited to tell ICANN what they think. If you’re unfamiliar with the history and issues around .XXX, and the men who stand to profit from it (while exhibiting blatant disregard for the very serious problems it poses) please read Now Playing: .XXX. TLD Carpetbaggers Give New Meaning to “Drop and Snatch” (carnalnation.com).
- How To Get A Sex Blogger To Have Sex With You | Sex and the 405 – A good way to get to know me is to engage me regarding the content I post. Yes, we may talk about sex, my preferences and your own. That does not mean you should suggest we fuck. It just means we’re discussing our preferences. Please note that many people engage me in this way and the best way to differentiate yourself is by having intelligent conversation with me.
- An Interview with the author of Sex at Dawn; The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality | Examiner.com – I recently had the opportunity to speak with psychologist Christopher Ryan, one of the authors of a revolutionary new book that debunks the theory that monogamy is a natural and thus appropriate construct for our species. The book is entitled Sex at Dawn; The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality and was co-written by Ryan's wife, psychiatrist Cacilda Jetha.
- “it’s not about sex” and other lies « Sex Geek – I realize that I come to my poly from a place of queerness, where because of a long history of oppression, of being told our sex is bad, many of us hold onto and defend the beauty of our sexuality with great ferocity. I come to it from a place of kink, where we spend tons of time talking about how to play and have sex in ways that feel good to us. But whether you’re kinky or queer or poly, all of the above or none of the above, I invite you to join me in refusing to buy into any variety of “sex is bad” or “sex is less than,” no matter whose mouth it comes out of. Whether it’s conservative lawmakers, or our intimate partners; the American Psychological Association or our community leaders; the Religious Right or the sacred sexuality proponents.
- 5 Things an Affair May Not Mean | Christopher Ryan | Huffington Post – In "Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality," Cacilda Jethá, my coauthor (and wife) and I argue that there's a good reason long-term sexual monogamy is hard for human beings. The evidence we present in the book shows that til death do us part may be a wonderful ideal, but it's anything but an easy (or natural) path for most human beings. Yes, we are moral beings (most of us) with the capacity to override our evolved predispositions to some extent, but maybe, just maybe, an occasional slip on that long and arduous path is to be expected…Or maybe not. Such notions of tolerance are actively discouraged in America. As Pamela Druckerman explains in "Lust in Translation," her survey of global attitudes toward infidelity, "It has come to seem obvious to Americans that the discovery of infidelity leads to a confrontation, followed by counseling, perhaps other forms of support, and a long period of discussion and recovery (sometimes in perpetuity)."
- Sex and Censorship: What Recent Attacks on Online Sex Discussions Have to Do With Your Blog | BlogHer – That is what is at stake here. This isn't an issue of us versus them, morality versus indecency, conservatives versus liberals, believers versus atheists. This is a matter of freedom to speak, freedom to congregate, freedom to learn about ourselves and to share that knowledge. That's what this country stands for and it's essential that those of us who believe in these tenets take a stance against those seeking to oppress them.
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- Heads Up! Silicone Lube is Flammable | Charlie Glickman – I have to admit that it never would have occurred to me to check and see if lubricants are flammable. After all, when I think about the question of whether lubes burn, I’m thinking more about allergic reactions and yeast infections.
- What I Write for Money, Honey | Chelsea G. Summers | Filthy Gorgeous Things – The great irony about it all is that I hold great ambivalence about my sex writing—the only writing that I have complete confidence in. While it’s true that in the kingdom of ambivalence I wear the royal skort and eat with the royal spork, I remain unwaveringly ambivalent about the sex-writing.
- Anna Paquin Comes Out as Bisexual – Anna Paquin : People.com -
- Can Animals Be Gay? – NYTimes.com – Various forms of same-sex sexual activity have been recorded in more than 450 different species of animals by now, from flamingos to bison to beetles to guppies to warthogs. A female koala might force another female against a tree and mount her, while throwing back her head and releasing what one scientist described as “exhalated belchlike sounds.†Male Amazon River dolphins have been known to penetrate each other in the blowhole. Within most species, homosexual sex has been documented only sporadically, and there appear to be few cases of individual animals who engage in it exclusively.
- John Willie’s G-String Tie -
- An Epidemic of Sex Addiction? | Dr. Marty Klein | Sexual Intelligence – I’ve been a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist for 30 years. That’s some 30,000 sessions with men, women, and couples—a ringside seat at the human circus. The guy was yet another supposed “sex addict.†I listened to his story carefully, and told him I sympathized with how he had damaged his life and hurt people with bad sexual decisions. “But I don’t treat ‘sex addiction,’†I said. I think it’s a bogus concept.
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- Man on Man: The New Gay Romance (LA WeeklyO – In many ways the growing popularity of gay romance represents nothing less than a tectonic shift in a culture that says women don’t (and shouldn’t) consume porn. Hot and steamy gay-romance literature is to women what Internet porn is to men: They get off on it, mostly in secret, and keep coming back for more.
- Canadian Minister Calls for Regulation of Adult Sex Toys | Cory Silverberg – The letter (which you can download here) calls out phthalates and BPA in particular, pointing to what little research has been done on sex toys, and suggesting that there is an "urgent need for responsible regulation in the adult toy industry." The minister wants products to be safety tested before they can be sold, and the chemical composition of all sex toys to be made publicly available.
- Fantasy On Trial (Again) | Dr. Marty Klein – I’m on my home from Denver, where I testified as an expert witness at a deeply troubling trial—a trial that’s become way too common in America.
- Porn For Women Retrospective 2009 | Ms. Naughty – The year is drawing to a close and thus it’s time again to take a look back at all the newsy and interesting things that have occurred in porn for women in 2009. Overall it’s been a big year with plenty of media attention and what appears to be a growing recognition within the adult industry itself that yes, women do enjoy porn.
- Reality and Faux Ho Bloggers | Monica Shores | Carnal Nation – Sex worker web journals generally fall into two camps: marketing tools used in conjunction with a work name and website, or anonymous confessionals in which the writer discloses details about her personal life and clients. (For the purpose of this article, only female bloggers are examined.) These blogs are uniquely positioned to complicate the discourse around sex work in both negative and positive ways. They're capable of revealing rifts and commonalities in sex worker communities while also influencing the public's perceptions of and reaction to those who sell sex.
- Netflix Spilled Your Brokeback Mountain Secret, Lawsuit Claims | Threat Level | Wired.com – An in-the-closet lesbian mother is suing Netflix for privacy invasion, alleging the movie rental company made it possible for her to be outed when it disclosed insufficiently anonymous information about nearly half-a-million customers as part of its $1 million contest to improve its recommendation system.
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(…) A better example of someone operating on her own terms it’s hard to imagine. Anonymous bloggers everywhere can read Belle’s story and take heart in the fact that it really is possible to be both successful and anonymous in the Internet age.
There’s just one problem: it isn’t.
Let’s give Belle and the Sunday Times the benefit of the doubt and assume that Magnanti really did approach them, and not the other way around. There’s no reason to doubt Magnanti’s version of events, but it’s worth remembering that the Sunday Times has a particularly grubby history when it comes to anonymous bloggers.
(…) But, despite the fact that the print version of Magnanti’s Times’ interview is illustrated with a photograph of her wearing glamourous evening-wear, let’s assume this was an entirely consensual encounter. Knight also mentions in the interview that Magnanti has an ‘ex-boyfriend with a big mouth’ and that she had decided to go public before the decision was forced on her. Again, let’s assume that the ex-boyfriend hadn’t already contacted the Sunday Times.
Even assuming all of that, the existence of the big-mouthed boyfriend neatly illustrates the biggest problem with becoming a successful anonymous blogger. As your hidden life takes over more and more of your normal life, there comes a point where you have to share your secret with someone you trust. Batman had Alfred the butler, Deep Throat had Bob Woodward and, as any child of the 80s will tell you, three people shared He Man’s secret – his friends the Sorceress, Man-at Arms, and Orko. In Belle’s case, there came a point in forming serious relationships where she had to confess her lucrative hobby to her lover. From that point on she was just one bad breakup away from being exposed.
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. . .These days I don’t have a lot of interest in writing about sex at all. Part of my erotica apathy stems from the sense that I’ve written a lot about sex. I’ve described it. I’ve intellectualized it. I’ve made it funny. I’ve made it emo. I’ve done it in a train. I’ve done it with some pain. I’ve done it with a frown. I’ve done it with a clown. And I don’t know how much more I have to say about the sex. I am proud of my sex-writing. It’s damn good and it taught me a lot. It also has helped other people, or so all the emails I have received specifically about my deep-throating posts have led me to believe.
So there’s the feeling that I’ve done it to death. But there’s also the inescapable fact that I’m not fucking anyone right now, and while it would be nice to do so in the future, I’d like to fuck that person without the intellectual specter hanging over my bed and narrating what I’m doing and feeling. No one needs to imagine an apparitional Howard Cosell providing color commentary whilst one is going at it like rabid mongooses, not unless that fantasy would enhance one’s experience, in which case have at it. Plus there’s the fact that most humans don’t want their sexual experiences put into artful narratives and posted where the virtual world can see it. Sex with a human would be nice. Some day.
More. . . ..
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Here are my slides from Monday’s talk at Conversio Virium. I spent much more time talking about sexual privacy than about setup and promotion. Thanks again to Elizabeth and MayMay for the opportunity to speak. This presentation is available on the Blogging page.
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This Monday, November 17th, I’ll be doing an “Intro to Sex Blogging” talk at Conversio Virium, the student BDSM education and discussion group at Columbia University:
What is a blog? Should I have one? How do I set it up? How do readers find me? Should I write as myself, or under a pseudonym? This introductory workshop will provide tips and tools for setting up a blog, finding inspiration and writing well and building readership in this highly interactive medium.
Class info at the Conversio Virium site. Follow them on Twitter.
I’m going to talk about protecting your privacy, writing tips, platforms, and promotions. The handout will be posted afterwards.
What questions do you have about blogging that you’d like answered? Please leave comments below.
If you’re in New York, I hope you’ll attend!
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. . . To bring Elizabeth’s argument back in: if the feminist marketplace of ideas cannot support a true diversity of sexual theory, and neither can the mainstream, then maybe blogging is a wonderful, messy middleground. Personal sex blogging may be (hopelessly?) marginalized to the hoary Blogspots of the the web, but within every Penthousey story, there can still be an ethic of truth-telling. That ethic isn’t too different from our original feminist sex rebellion: against the over-medicalization and patholgization of women’s sexuality, and in favor of the multiplicity of bodies, genders, desires, and pleasures we ought to have the right to.
Personal sex blogging still matters: that’s where our girlfriends can still whisper to us about how their bodies work, stories about fucking that will never make it into a peer-reviewed journal (Elizabeth’s article being a historic exception). Blogging sex is where we can flex our smarts and fuck up in front of our friends. And if sex blogging spawns a few sexperts along the way, they’ll be different than the previous generations — informed by what it means to write within a community, to share what we’ve got without making a buck right away, to defer to others and not have to agree all the time, and to know: not having to compete for the largely irrelevant and played-out role of Most Important Most Famous Most Whatever Sex Expert Lady makes us all richer for it.
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Cancel, unsubscribe, unfollow. Sort out how you want to react to the breakup only after you’ve canceled the relationship, unsubscribed from her Tumblr, or blocked him from Twitter. To undo a relationship that made it online in any form—whether you’ve got photos together all over MySpace or earned your own tag on Gawker—requires investing as much shared exposure as you put in. Make a cold calculation: in my case, that meant reframing a year-and-a-half long affair, across half a dozen online networks, and doing it in just a few days. This condenses everything: how much it hurts, how fast you have to react. You had weeks or months to attach to one another’s blogs, profiles, and endearingly staged snapshots. Now you have to delete or address it all, all at once.
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