violetblue

Let’s face it, the internet is a great way to make connections, whatever your goals. violet blue has a lengthy and thoughtful post about howto: protect yourself from the craigslist experiment:

Use common sense when you read a Craigslist ad. If it’s too good to be true, it probably is — meaning, question the authenticity of everything you read on any free anonynmous ad service. Proceed accordingly with the way you respond, how you present yourself to the person you’re responding to, and how much information you reveal about yourself in your reply. Wait until you’ve had more than three emails from the person you’re corresponding with before you offer up anything like what I have listed in the next bullet point.

And if you would like a Gmail invite (to start setting up the dummy accounts you’re going to need), please email me at viviane 212 AT gmail DOT com with your email address.

Happy birthday, violet!

Here’s your present…

sexy chopper Happy birthday, violet blue

Hipsterotica

by Viviane on 09/01/2006

in violetblue

You straddle your fixie while I bend over to unlock my sparkly bass-boat blue cruiser. We ride to your place, slowly so that my flyaway mane doesn’t fly away too much. I admire your diesel jean covered ass and the grungy u-lock sticking out of your back pocket. Finally we arrive at your house and make ourselves comfortable on your Ikea couch with Mates of State singing in the background. I kick off my cowboy boots and pull off your chucks. You run your hands up my leggings and under my miniskirt (which I specifically did not buy from the Gap). You tell me that I’m smarter than other girls you know and I unzip you pants. We fuck until the cd stops playing.

(more. . .)

[via violet blue]

violet blue just announced that she has a new column with the San Francisco Chronicle:

It’s official. I’m now the sex columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.

Not just ‘plucked’ from the blogosphere to freelance for a 141-year-old mainstream media institution; Phil Bronstein hand-selected me to be their frontline sex writer, with a column and everything that comes with it.

Totally. awesome.

We’ll celebrate when you come East, darling girl.

The new “no liquids or gels” restrictions mean you can’t tote your KY jelly on-board (heavens to Murgatroid, whatever shall we do?), and you may want to think carefully about where you pack that vegan Hello Kitty bluetooth butt plug:

As far as packing non-vibrating sex toys and devices in carry on, use your own common sense. Some items, like nipple clamps and cock rings, may appear innocuous enough to escape a screener’s scrutiny. But be aware that security officials are on heightened lookout for anything unusual, and you may find yourself in the awkward position of explaining what a penis pump is for. It’s probably better to leave it in your checked luggage than have to mumble something about it being “a medical device” or wing a lame excuse about a “joke gift for a friend.” Whatever you do, don’t offer a demonstration – that will probably land you on the “no fly” list.

If you think you can beat the system by carrying your sex toys on your person, you might want to think again. Of course, you’ll have to empty your pockets of anything metal and put the contents in a tray, and anything battery-powered like a vibe will be subject to extra scrutiny. Attempting to wear a strap-on through security is risky as well. The bulge in your crotch is likely to draw attention anyway, and if the harness has any metal rivets or buckles, it will set off the metal detector, and you’ll be pulled aside for a pat-down. Likewise for any wearable clit vibrators. The one exception here might be a non-vibrating butt plug, inserted ahead of time. If you enjoy wearing a plug in public, it could help alleviate the tedium of a dull flight and long lines in the terminal.

Link to “Sex Toy Travel Advisory,” dated August 16, 2006. Violet Blue has been covering this topic for years on her blog in detail: Link.

The dangers of feeling numb—physically or psychologically—during sex

Anal Eze is my archnemesis. Superman has Lex Luthor, Spider-Man’s got Venom, but my enemy number one comes in a tube and retails for less than 10 bucks. Nearly every day, someone asks me about using Anal Eze or a similarly named desensitizing lube to make backdoor sex easier. “It says on the package it’s made especially for anal sex,” they tell me. Uggghhhh. I counsel these wayward souls to steer clear of it. Anal Eze and lubes like it contain benzocaine (or a similar ingredient), a topical anesthetic—think Ora-Gel for your butthole. They numb your butt so you can’t feel what’s going on; when you use them, you’re more likely to go farther or take something bigger in your ass than you’re ready for. The result: a sore ass, possible tearing and damage to the delicate lining of the anal canal and rectum, and pain—all things that won’t exactly make you want to rush right out and try anal sex again. Plus, on the off chance that the anal penetration is pleasurable, you won’t be able to feel that either. A sticker on a bottle of Rear Entry lube says it all: Numbs your most sensitive spots. Who wants that? Wouldn’t you rather be able to feel someone touch, tease, and torment your most sensitive spots?

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violet blue has also written about unsafe sex products.

google Searching for perverts on Google Trends
violet blue posted about putting Google Trends through its pervy paces (my dream to sexmap Google Trends). Google Trends ‘lets you compare the world’s interest’s in your favorite topics.’

I can’t resist trying a search, so here are a few more, along with the #1 city for that search.

And coming any minute now, some enterprising programming will combine the Google Map API and Google Trends, making us visually oriented pervs so happy.

night4 Two posts about Sexonomics(Photo of Audacia Ray by Logan Grendel)

violet blue:

I just read Who’s Counting: Sexonomics — Prostitutes’ Incomes (popup warning) at ABC news and my brain snapped like a rubber band. I’m going to the gym (today, definitely the punching bag) and I’ll be back after I cool off, but if anyone wants to send me comments on this, please do. I’d love to see what one of my brainy female sex-worker friends would do with this freakonomics-to-sex work model. Talk about confusing sex with marriage… Snip:

“Developing the consequences of their mathematical model, Edlund and Korn argue that the primary reason for the income differential is not the risk sometimes associated with the practice of prostitution but rather that prostitutes greatly diminish their chances for marriage by virtue of their occupation. Men generally don’t want to marry (ex)prostitutes, and so women must be relatively well-compensated in order to forgo the opportunity to marry.

“Employing market concepts, doing some calculus and assuming that “women sell and men buy,” the authors also conclude that prostitution generally declines as men’s incomes increase. Wives and prostitutes are competing “commodities” (in the reductionist view of economists, that is), but wives are distinctly superior in that they can produce children that are socially recognized as coming from the father.

“Thus, if men have more money, they tend to buy the superior good and, at least when wives and prostitutes come from the same pool of women, tend to buy (rent) the cheaper good less frequently. More obvious perhaps is that prostitution generally declines in areas where women’s incomes and opportunities are greater.”

So, does this mean the next time I rent a stud I should save the receipt? Seriously, also: gay sex work makes up a huge economic trade, and it’s totally missing from this lame article… (Thanks to nightbird for the link!)

Audacia Ray:

It’s an interesting attempt at the rationale behind the motives for prostitution and to puzzle out the answer to the question “why do prostitutes make so much damn money?” And I of course cannot resist the temptation to pick it apart. At this point I’ve only had energy to read the 3 page ABC News piece, and not the 35 page economics paper it is about – I’ll get to that when I’m not half dead with tiredness and shit-sick of reading academic papers.

First of all, the article (and the study it is about, I presume) makes the basic mistake that most media about sex work makes – the assumption that sex workers as a whole are of a particular class that is fairly uniform. Basically, this means that the population being written about isn’t identified in terms of where they exist in the spectrum of sex work possibilities and income level. In the ABC News piece, the workers being written about seem to be mid-level escorts or call girls, but this is never pointed out – the group of workers is just referred to as “prostitutes.” Though there is brief mention of the ugly side of non-consensual sex trafficking, there is no real discussion of the difference between what has been termed recreational and survival sex work. Survival sex work is sex work in which workers face multiple vulnerabilities including violence, entrenched poverty, and sexual and drug related harms. Survival sex workers are often street workers, who are much-maligned by the press and the law. Recreational sex workers are sex workers who evaluate their options for employment and then freely choose sex work – the workers written about in this piece are recreational sex workers. Though this becomes obvious in the discussion in the piece around marriage, these differences within the industry are never spelled out. In order to do and present research on sex workers that is well-considered, definition of terms is essential. Okay, semantics and methodology rant over. Onto the deconstruction (mmmm, deconstruction).

Friday, a depressing conversation “off the record” with YouTube. Put a big “alleged” in front of my comments from an off the record conversation, but know that they consider anything not squeaky clean family fare a niche they shan’t bother with, and in the niche goes anything with nudity, the arts community and stuff for grownups (inlcuding, as I asked about, say, videos from Abu Ghriab). And yes, they’ll yank your membership if you repeat offend, and no, you don’t get your videos back. Don’t you just hate “community” services that have cool stuff and yet treat everyone like children? I suggested making “mature” areas for non-porn (but edgy not for kids) content retaining the ability to embed a player into a blog, and got the “niche” response. It’s nuts — my site is for adults, and that is *my* responsibility; I have an age check gateway to keep out people under 18. They could just make the content off limits to the wider YT community but still available for embed on outside sites who would then be responsible for the content being seen by adults. That way I could enjoy all the dumb Hollywood trailers I wanted in my YT favorites and blog embed those as virally as I wanted, but could also entertain myself as appropriate to my age, culture and interests. Too bad, like so many sex-negative entertainment venues, in their TOU they see all nudity as sex, and all sex as bad or a liability.

(more…)

I’m at home writing and researching a book that’s due at the end of this month, and I’ve entered into a sex ed area that is a real sore spot for me. You’ve no doubt read my gripes and warnings about the widely available and highly profitable anal numbing creams and “shrink” cremas, but have I ever told you the many reasons why they’re evil?

Lubricants with benzocane and numbing agents such as Anal-Eze, “good head gel” and desensitizing creams contain oils, flavors and colorings, and they are very unsafe. Numbing the back of your throat, the penis, the vagina, and especially the anus can lead to serious injury and infections that can (and often) land users in the doctor’s office or ER. Think: you can’t feel the skin breaking or tearing, and if it’s the anus, there’s fecal bacteria. When you can’t feel pain, you are getting injured, period. Pain sucks, but it’s an important tool during anal play, telling you something’s not right. If it hurts you’re either going too fast, you need more lube, the item is too big, or you’re not really in the mood. And when I researched my fellatio book, I communicated briefly with a dentist who’d seen signifigant bruising *inside* the throat of a female patient — again, just think about it.

(more…)

violet blue writes in her ‘new link orgy‘ about her favorite sex links, and mentions us!

Viviane’s Sex Carnival is another blog high on my RSS list, this group contributed blog covers sex news, sexual health, cultural articles and features of sexual interest, dirty Craigslist posts, weekly curations of excellent sex blog writing from people having lots of crazy sex and much more. It’s addictive, proudly New York based, and run by super-smart, sex positive sex educators. Can you tell how much I love it!?

Waking Vixen Audacia Ray is insanely hot, outrageously smart and one of the most gifted sex writing bloggers out there; it’s really easy to get hooked on her sexually graphic, highly personal and thought-provoking blog. Not to mention all the mouth-watering photos in her galleries, including delicious wet and messy photos, strap-on scenes and more links to the babe sites she models at. She is also a contributor at Viviane’s Sex Carnival.

We’re next to an insanely hot picture of her with some of her tools. But I hope she doesn’t dress like that when she’s welding.

At SFist today, where I’m a columnist, there has been a lot of activity about the whole JT LeRoy unmasking thing. (Read all the comments.) I found out today when I read the Gawker post over my morning coffee, but then several people forwarded me Susie Bright’s extremely revealing post about beiung duped and used, and even it seems treated almost abusively, by the privileged people behind the pseudonym — people who even played “the AIDS card“. I’m not totally shocked, as being someone who survived a childhood similar to that of a LeRoy character, the whole presence of LeRoy in San Francisco seemed fishy and weird; too many cliches, and things like LeRoy’s column in local 7×7 magazine was always about something like shopping in expensive, exclusive botiques with a tiny crumb of “street cred” thrown in at the end. I’m a writer, so I know the tricks. Then again, I don’t trust anyone I don’t know. But still, it didn’t change the way the “Heart” book was way too close to home for me to even get past chapter 3, and it doesn’t change how burned Susie must feel after putting her reputation at stake for someone who could only live up to the characters in her (his) books.

It’s weird, and it really pisses me off. Not as a writer. *As a survivor.* I lived the very real horrors of my childhood to get where I am now — alive, articulate. I didn’t fuck anyone over to get my book deals, and I certainly didn’t exploit very real experiences (like of myself and my friends) to get my books published.

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Tribe.net started implementing their version of adhering to 2257 laws, and the Smart Girls’ Porn Club, among other tribes, is affected. My permanent link to the discussion group of over 450 women about porn, may not be a valid link for much longer. Women in the club lamented Tribe having the “2257 brick thrown at them”, but I have a different story to tell. My Smart Girls’ Porn Club post is below:

This might get me kicked off Tribe, so I’ll reproduce the text on my blog icon smile Tribe and 2257 (violet blue)

Tribe has not been hit with the 2257 brick. Tribe is *voluntarily* applying the 2257 laws to itself — its members, the tribes and the very architecture of Tribe itself.

Two weeks ago Tribe asked me for a phone meeting; I didn’t know what it was about but I figured it had something to do with Tribe’s mature content. They explained to me in a half-hour conference call that they were gearing up to change Tribe’s architecture (entry pages, etc) to conform to updated 2257 laws, which are record keeping requirements. The federal law now requires website owners to keep *physical* records documenting, among other things, that “a book, magazine, periodical, film, videotape, digitally- or computer-manipulated image, digital image, picture, or other matter that contains a visual depiction of an actual human being engaged in actual sexually explicit conduct” is over the age of 18. Visual depictions *after* 1990, mind you.

Link to text of law.

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eykasiw cover sm Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong: MP3s

  • “American Sex Ed” read by Violet Blue: Violet Blue laments the sorry state of porn.
  • “Teaching Rose” read by Jill Morley: Jill Morley talks about giving stripping lessons to a feisty septuagenarian.
  • “The Daily Schedule of a Porno Copywriter” read by Libby Lynn: Libby Lynn reveals the frustrations of writing catalogs of X-rated videos.
  • “Official Documents About the Mile-High Club” read by Russ Kick: Russ Kick reads from governmental documents about the mile-high club.

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