Does someone involved in BDSM or polyamory do so due to pyschopathology? That question will be addressed in the next phase of our custody case.

As anticipated, the judge has ordered psychiatric evaluations of each parent. In my case, this is called for due to the BDSM and polyamorous activities described in my blog.

As we go through this phase, each parent will meet individually with the psychiatrist for multiple sessions. How many sessions has yet to be determined, but it will be an extensive process. We are to make available all past and current medical and therapy records. We are told to expect that this process will take at least ninety days. So, come Christmas, we’ll likely still be at it.

While we hope that the law guardian, plaintiff’s attorney and my own attorney can agree on a psychiatrist to conduct these studies at a reduced fee rate requested by the court, apparently there are not many doctors willing to accept those lower fees.

So far, we are being quoted standard or slightly reduced charges somewhere between four hundred and six hundred dollars an hour. This process generally involves ten to twenty hours of sessions for each parent. I’m responsible for paying half the total cost, and so face bills between four thousand and twelve thousand dollars.

I’m perfectly confident that, like the great majority of people involved in BDSM and/or polyamory, my sexuality is not compelled by pathology. I am confident that my sexuality does not adversely affect my abilities as a parent. I take great joy in the fact that my children are well adjusted and thriving.

That said, I appreciate the court’s desire to err on the side of caution when the best interests of children are concerned. The court should be assured of each parent’s mental health as we go forward in this matter.

Your support of my legal fund is most appreciated in this phase. While each parent undergoes this extensive process of psychiatric evaluation, there are not likely to be dramatic events to report. For the next ninety days or so, we will each be in private sessions. We won’t have an outcome to report until that concludes.

During this phase, your contributions will go to the psychiatrist as well as to the children’s law guardian and my own attorney.

After this phase, we will be faced with concerns directly relating to free speech and custody: what will the court decide about this parent’s right to write about parenting and sexuality in this blog?

Please feel free to post this appeal (or links to it) on your blogs, and to spread the word within groups and networks concerned with parenting, sexuality and free speech.

Make an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund at:

Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

Not long after I announced that my ex had discovered my blog and made an emergency application to the court seeking sole custody of our children, I was contacted by numerous parents who had been though similar court challenges of their custody based upon their particular sexual lifestyles.

A father wrote to share his sympathies, offering to do anything he could to help. He told me his ex had won custody of their children on the basis of his involvement with BDSM. I was contacted by another parent, a woman who had retained custody of her children despite her ex’s efforts to prove her unfit because she is transgendered. I heard from many other parents whose suitability as custodial parents was called into question based on their sexuality or lifestyle. Some had lost custody, some had won custody, but all knew how harrowing the court process is —not only for the parents, but for the children as well.

Those of us who choose to blog our lives do so at some risk, particularly those of us with readers who may seek to use our words against us. As it happens, parents like myself who do so enter into a gray area in the rights to free speech. In child custody cases, the basic standard is the best interests of the child. The definition of “best interests” may differ according to each specific child in each specific situation. First Amendment concerns in relationship to child custody issues remains largely undefined and untested. It is uncertain how a court will decide when faced with an author, such as myself, who blogs and has also been published in respected and “legitimate” publications over the years. Free speech is a real concern in this case: will the court decide that I am no longer allowed to write about the coexistence of my life as a joint custodial parent and as a sexually active adult?

Each of these child custody/sexual lifestyle cases truly matter to our community. As Anita Wagner, polyamory skills educator and advocate, recently wrote to me, “Child custody is by far the greatest legal challenge to people who are engaged in alternative forms of sexuality. As polyamorous parents go, fortunately we are seeing more and more interest from researchers, and we hope that before too long there will be enough scientific verification to support poly parents. Valerie White is a big part of that effort, and I was glad to see that she is supporting your cause.”

I’m deeply appreciative of the support of Valerie White, Executive Director of the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, for her advice and encouragement, and for her creation of a legal defense fund to assist in this case. I’m also profoundly grateful for the assistance offered by Lambda Legal and by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. These organizations are on the frontlines for our community. If you are unfamiliar with their work, please visit their websites and search the web for examples of the very real impact they have made in the lives of individuals and families.

As for my custody case, it continues apace. The next step is expected to be a psychiatric evaluation of each parent. In my case, this may be ordered to determine if my involvement in BDSM and polyamory is due to some type of psychopathology.

Many of you may gnash your teeth to read this. You know that study after study has shown that people involved in safe, sane and consensual BDSM and polyamory are no more likely than anyone else to suffer from mental illness. And yet the popular perception remains that submissive types are masochists reenacting child abuse or are victims of abuse at the hands of their dominant partner. Similarly, there is the lingering perception that the dominant type is in truth a sadistic abuser. And so it goes, on and on, until the end of pop psychology.

While the activist in me wants to shout out that these are unfair characterizations and wrong-minded assumptions, the parent in me is glad that courts, in these cases, are careful to protect in the best interests of the children involved. Of course I’ll submit to psychiatric evaluation if it is ordered by the court, confident that my engagements with BDSM and polyamory are not born of pathology.

This evaluation will add even more costs to my legal case, as the court will order that that I pay the fee of the psychiatrist. When this case began, I was told that I should expect to spend approximately twenty thousand dollars, and that due to the way the case was filed by emergency order to show cause, that it was best to have the money on hand immediately. (As it happens, that estimate is proving to have been entirely accurate. To put it in perspective, that amount of money might have bought a new car or contributed to a freshman year at Harvard—and this is in addition to the tens of thousands spent by my ex in bringing this motion.) Fortunately, I’ve been able to pay legal and other fees in phases. The next phase will be to finish paying the law guardian and the psychiatrist as well as any further fees of my own lawyer.

Thanks to all of you who have contributed, and are now contributing, to my legal defense fund.

Make an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund at:

Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

Here’s a note from Jefferson about last night’s fundraiser. Thank you to all those who contributed, volunteered or attended! -Viviane

Last night’s Friends of Jefferson event was a great success. Thanks to everyone who attended and contributed. Thanks especially to those who donated items to the raffle—which included, my gosh, an original drawing by Nayland Blake!—and also to the hard-working Friends of Jefferson steering committee, which made it all happen.

A very nice chunk of change is now on its way to the legal defense fund administered by the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund.

I hear the event was a real hootenanny. I didn’t actually attend, as, I am happy to report, I had prior commitments. I prepared a statement that Lolita was good enough to read to those who attended. You can read it here—you just have to imagine my words spoken in Lolita’s gorgeous Queens accent.

Thanks to everyone for coming to tonight’s event. I’m sorry I can’t be there with you, but see, the thing is: I’m home with my children.

And that’s your doing! Thanks to your support of the legal fund established by the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, I’ve been able to retain an extraordinary attorney, as well as a court-ordered law guardian for the children. Based on the law guardian’s observations, the judge ordered a return to joint custody as this case proceeds. This was a great step toward resolving the case with joint custody permanently restored.

However, there are still hurdles to be faced. The case is not resolved and could stretch out for months. While I’m unable to speak directly about the case, I can say that my ex filed in such a way as to make this as expensive a process as possible, counting on her great financial advantage over me.

She knew I didn’t have much money. What she didn’t anticipate is how many friends I have, or how supportive our communities can be. She certainly didn’t expect that I would find such a fine lawyer—which I did, thanks to the Kink Aware Professionals list maintained by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and available on their website.

Should I be successful in having the case dismissed or obtaining an order permanently reinstating joint custody, it will be a lesson to all that neither a person’s sexuality nor his writing should adversely affect his suitability as a good and custodial parent. It is entirely possible to be a parent and “pervert.”

Have fun tonight. Enjoy your Mister Gingers and the company of some of the finest perverts I know. And thanks!

You can help by making an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense at

Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

Join the Friends of Jefferson
on August 27, 7 -10 p.m.
at
Happy Ending Lounge

302 Broome Street, NYC • B or D to Grand Street
J, M, Z to Bowery • F to Delancy

$20 suggested donation—but pay what you wish

Come and get your spank on at the Spanking Booth!

Enter to win:

GRAND PRIZE – original drawing by Nayland Blake
Babeland gift certificates babeland.com
Books • DVDs • Museum passes
Venus Ropes Whip-and-Cane Bag Set and RopeA Scene or Lesson with Boymeat
The Erotic Art of Spanking DVD w/ book by Lolita Wolf
Hitachi Magic Wand
Home Depot Pervertibles Kit
For Your Nyphomation Flogger Trunk
Edens Fantasys Gift basket|
A Scene or Lesson with Lolita Wolf
Lubricious Lube
2 passes to the Sexies Awards
2 National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) memberships
2 NCSF T-shirts

and more!

Permission is granted to forward or post this to your blog or other lists. In fact, we would appreciate it if you helped spread the word. Thanks!

Join the Friends of Jefferson
on August 27, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.
at
Happy Ending Lounge
302 Broome Street, NYC • B or D to Grand Street
J, M, Z to Bowery • F to Delancy
$20 suggested donation—but pay what you wish

Come and get your spank on at the Spanking Booth! Enter to win:

Babeland gift certificates • Books • Venus Ropes Whip-and-Cane Bag Set and Rope • A Scene or Lesson with Boymeat • The Erotic Art of Spanking DVD w/ book, by Lolita Wolf • Hitachi Magic Wand • Home Depot Pervertables Kit • DVDs • For Your Nyphomation Flogger Trunk • A Scene or Lesson with Lolita Wolf • and more!

100 percent of door donations and raffle proceeds benefit the Friends of Jefferson Legal Defense Fund, which is administered by the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

[Graphic by Lynsey]

Jefferson—blogger, educator, and dear friend to so many of us—is at this moment fighting a court battle with his ex-wife, who is seeking full custody of their three children.

Jefferson’s love for his children has been well-documented on his blog One Life, Take Two for years. His ex-wife has stated in court that he is a “great” father who loves his children.

However, among her claims is that his bisexuality makes him an unfit parent.

Jefferson needs our help now. As a writer, his resources are limited. The costs of fighting this case are mounting quickly—and will certainly run into the tens of thousands of dollars.

As of today, there is an urgent and immediate need for at least $20,000 to cover costs associated with attorney fees and those of the law guardian who has been appointed to represent the children.

If he is unable to pay these fees by August 11,
he will be forced to relinquish custody of his children.

This case is of concern to anyone whose sexuality does not fit the standard mold—because it could happen to you. This case is of concern to all writers, because Jefferson’s blog is being used as evidence against him—and that could have repercussions for our First Amendment rights.

Here’s how to help:

Make an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund at:

www.sfldef.org

There you will find out how to donate to Jefferson’s Defense Fund via PayPal or if you prefer, check or money order.

Please note that you MUST mention that your donation be used for the JEFFERSON LEGAL DEFENSE FUND.

In the coming days, www.onelifetaketwo.com will be relaunched with information about Jefferson’s ongoing case. Be sure to visit his blog for updates. In the meantime, you can contact Jefferson directly at friendsofjefferson@gmail.com.

Feel free to copy this and post it to your blog or any email lists Or link back to this post. More graphics may be found here.

Join the Friends of Jefferson
on August 27, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.
at
Happy Ending Lounge
302 Broome Street, NYC • B or D to Grand Street
J, M, Z to Bowery • F to Delancy

$20 suggested donation—but pay what you wish

Drink specials! Mister Ginger (ginger infused vodka, ginger ale, and fresh lime juice) only $4 from 7-9pm. Blue Ribbon beer for just $3 and single liquor well drinks for just $7 all night long.

Jefferson’s ex-wife sued for full custody of his kids, because of his involvement with alternative sexual expression, despite an absence of any evidence that his sexuality adversely impacts his children, and despite an abundance of evidence that he is a conscientious and responsible father. You can see more info and updates at One Life Take Two

100 percent of door donations and raffle proceeds benefit the Friends of Jefferson Legal Defense Fund, which is administered by the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

If you can’t join us, please consider making an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund.

Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

Permission is granted to forward or post this to your blog or other lists. In fact, we would appreciate it if you helped spread the word. Thanks!

Happy birthday to my dear friend Jefferson of One Life Take Two. It all started in January 2005, when I typed the words “sex blog” into Google. And look where we are now. ;-D

He’s off on a cruise with Dee. Walt would not be pleased.  (Jefferson says naughty sites are filtered out.)

Lolita writes:

There was a lot of flogging going on at Jefferson’s sex party. Some regular pigs and some newbies who wanted a taste. Jefferson was excited that he had a new flogger.

I admired the new flogger. “Oooh! This is nice! You needed something a little lighter and softer.”
“Madeline and I went to Purple Passion. They are having an awesome sale.”
“I love Purple Passion!”
“And look at my new boots!” Jefferson held up a pair of tall, shiny black Doc Martens with a gazillion eyelets.
“You must put those on right now!”
One of the girls clamored, “Let me help! I want to put them on you.”

(more . . .)

The Internet was supposed to be a tremendous boon for the pornography industry, creating a global market of images and videos accessible from the privacy of a home computer. For a time, it worked, with wider distribution and social acceptance driving a steady increase in sales.

But now the established pornography business is in decline – and the Internet is being held responsible.

The online availability of copious free or low-cost photos and videos has begun to take a fierce toll on sales of X-rated DVDs. Inexpensive digital technology has paved the way for aspiring amateur pornographers, who are flooding the market, while everyone in the industry is giving away more material to lure paying customers.

And unlike consumers looking for music and other media, viewers of pornography do not seem to mind giving up brand-name producers and performers for anonymous ones, or a well-lighted movie set for a ratty couch at an amateur videographer’s house.

After years of essentially steady increases, sales and rentals of pornographic videos were $3.62 billion in 2006, down from $4.28 billion in 2005, according to estimates by AVN, an industry trade publication. If the situation does not change, the overall $13 billion sex-related entertainment market may shrink this year, said Paul Fishbein, president of AVN Media Network, the magazine’s publisher. The industry’s online revenue is substantial but is not growing quickly enough to make up for the drop in video income.

Older companies in the industry are responding with better production values and more sophisticated Web offerings. But to their chagrin, making and distributing pornography has become a lot easier.

“People are making movies in their houses and dragging and dropping them” onto free Web sites, said Harvey Kaplan, a former maker of pornographic movies and now chief executive of GoGoBill.com, which processes payments for pornographic Web sites. “It’s killing the marketplace.”

(more . . . )

Diah (Hegre)
Sex blogger files for bankruptcy (Yahoo)
a star-spangled booty (pretty dumb things)
Big numbers!
Danae (Met Models)
We’ve been nominated for the Erotic Awards 2007
Who Sleeps Around? Scientists Know (Yahoo)
Lara Is Not A Porn Star (Violet Blue, SFGate)
NYC Weekly Leather Dates May 31-June 6
Another bad penny turns up again: Naomi Wolf on porn (Figleaf’s Real Adult Sex)
Mass deletion of communities on LiveJournal sparks revolt (C|Net)
Calendar Project
Audacia Ray, Helen Boyd & Jessica Valenti Reading @ McNally Robinson
TES: The Bondage Group: Bottoms Up!
That wild BDSM party (Married Man’s Fucktoy)
Broadway Bares 17: Myth Behavior
Ivett (MC Nudes)
ErosZine: Latest Issue (Thomas Roche)
Masha | American Kitchen (Hegre Art)
Pregnant Nympho Sex (10 Zen Monkeys)
Ring Toss: Links for 2007-05-29
Sugasm #81
Fleshbot and Swimsuit Edition (One Life, Take Two)
Glenn Marcus’ S/M Conviction Upheld. (Alan S.)
For the Girls

Photo: Yalena

Remember how Jefferson, Selina, Marcus and I went to Dark Odyssey’s summer camp?

Remember what clueless, trembling, newbies we were? Hell, at least I was. Now, we are going to be presenting at Dark Odyssey’s Spring Fire. How hilarious is that?

We’ll be doing a panel on sex blogging. I will be moderating. Wish me luck – moderating this group could be like herding cats. Between us, our blogs cover a diverse range of interests (as Jefferson dubbed us, the doyenne, the hippie, the whore and the slut) and raise a multitude of issues (creating characters, privacy, anonymity, propriety).

I’ll also be teaching a workshop called ‘Everything You Need to Know about Becoming a Sex Blogger (But Were Afraid to Ask).’ It’ll cover question such as:

• Should I have a blog?
• What is this ‘blogging’ thing?
• How do I get on the internets?
• Sure, I have a blog, but how do readers find me?
• Should I write as myself, or under a pseudonym?

I’ll have a lot of tips and tools for setting up a blog, finding inspiration and writing well and building readership in this highly interactive medium. If you’re promoting a book or project, I have lots of idea about how to get the word out.

Jefferson and Marcus will be doing sessions on orgy organizing and etiquette (‘Naked in a Crowd’) and on male bisexuality (‘Odd Man In’). I plan on sitting at the back of the room and heckling them. ;-D

And Selina’s cooking up a a fun icebreaker event.

Tristan has posted the complete workshop list on the Dark Odyssey website.

See you at Spring Fire!

Tea Party: Showing appreciation
Originally uploaded by viviane212.

When a sissy maid does a good job, one of the ways to thank her for good service, is to bend her over, and show your appreciation on her butt!

At Sunday’s tea party, Lex, Jefferson, Suzanne Portnoy and Viviane spanked and flogged Sissy Maid Stephanie, until it was a bright and rosy red.

Model: Madeline
Rigger: Lolita
Fanboy: Jeffferson

Jefferson opened the door and I got a glimpse of Madeline standing there in a robe with a shy smile on her face. Jefferson kissed me long and deep. I returned his ardor, but I was actually thinking about how cute Madeline was. After the kiss, I turned to her and enveloped her in a big bear hug. “Hi!”

So, not only is Jefferson an amazing fucker, and not only does he make me laugh, but he is also a good cook. And, on top of all that, he sets me up to play with his girlfriend. All good. Great, in fact.

We eat fried chicken and then we follow Madeline to the bedroom, me with my rope bag and Jefferson with his camera. I kiss her, undress her and start teasing her with the rope. Of course, I have brought some of Monk’s rope, too, since she has such a crush on him. And I begin to slowly lay rope on her. Madeline just talks and talks while I do this. She is just babbling away. (more…)