http://www.brightcove.com/title.jsp?title=823359685
humor
From the Livejournal library_mofo group (“The Society for Librarians* Who Say “Motherfucker”), LibraryNinja posts probably the funniest reference interview ever:
A female undergrad walks up to the desk for help.
“Hi, I’m looking for anal tourism research.” She says.
I could not have heard her correctly.
“Um, what?” I reply.
“I’m looking for anal tourism research.”
Like Thailand and Vegas? “I think there is a typo.” I counter.
“No, my professor was very specific about anal.”
I don’t ask if there was an oral exam. “We can take a look, but I don’t think that’s right.”
“Please? Anal research is important, I need it bad.”
I start searching in the catalogue, typing in ‘annal’ to end this.
“It’s anal, A-N-A-L. Anal was at the top of the list of the things he wanted.”
I bet it was. “We don’t have it under that listing.”
“Well, how can I get Anal Tourism Research?”
Some Barry White, some K-Y, some minor discomfort.
“How about we try some variant spellings?”
“But I want anal.”
“Please trust me on this.” I don’t want my boss to walk over while she shouts “I want anal!” again.
“Here we go, Annals of Tourism Research.”
“But, anal…”
“Is something very different.”
I could see the dawning in her eyes as she made the connection.
“I, anal, oh my god.”
“Is there anything else I can help you with?”
Even when coeds are begging for me to give them anal, I’m still a professional.
About ‘The Best of Craigslist’
* Postings are nominated by craigslist readers, and are not necessarily endorsed by craigslist staff.
* Postings may be explicitly sexual, scatalogical, offensive, graphic, tasteless, and/or not funny
Does Your Human Need a Date, Too?
“I’m posting for my human, as she thinks this online dating thing is silly and won’t do it herself. But I think it could work.”
For the girls: So You’ve Decided You Want To Date A Houston Musician
“If your musician cheats on you, don’t stay with him. He will not change, he’ll just look for someone who makes him feel like a rockstar without all the jealousy and drama of a real relationship.”
Advice from an ER doctor to drug seekers
“The first rule is be nice to the nurses. They are underpaid, overworked, and have a lot more influence over your stay in the ER than you think. When you are tempted to treat them like shit because they are not the ones who write the rx, remember: I might write for you to get a shot of 2mg of dilaudid, but your behavior toward the nurses determines what percent of that
dilaudid is squirted onto the floor before you get your shot.”
Dear Males
“When I want a relationship I get all these perverts thinking its impressive & proper behavior to tell me how big their penis is within the first 5 minutes of meeting me.”
About ‘The Best of Craigslist’
* Postings are nominated by craigslist readers, and are not necessarily endorsed by craigslist staff.
* Postings may be explicitly sexual, scatalogical, offensive, graphic, tasteless, and/or not funny
sea – The Perfect Craigslist Girl, Or So I Thought
“I never saw her again. I called, texted, and e-mailed for weeks, long after I should have stopped, but I just couldn’t accept it. Then I started to realize that I didn’t know her last name, where she worked, or where her apartment was. I had no way to find her. Why hadn’t I ever thought to ask? Why hadn’t it just come up naturally in conversation? Was it all on purpose?- some sick manipulation? But why?- to what end? I’d become paranoid. Distant. I re-bounded badly, very badly, embarrassingly, over and over again.”
phi – Dear, guy masturbating in the bathroom stall at my work…
“2. Silence is Golden – While we all might empathize with your situation, NO ONE WANTS YOU HEAR YOU SLAP YOUR SALAMI!! And we certainly don’t want to hear the gentle grunts you were letting out. It was like being forced to listen to the audio of a bad gay porn soundtrack, minus the cheesy Casio keyboard jazz/funk fusion music. Keep it down, will ya? “
chi – Let us frolic in my totally dope blanket fort
“My living room is just waiting to be turned into a totally sweet labyrinth of love.”
sfo – Dear Hot Chicks,
“If you are physically attractive and dress in such a way to grab the attention of attractive males, you will also grab the attention of us unattractive males.”
sfo – 143 Reasons That I Will Be The Best Girlfriend You’ve Ever Had
“2. Sex isn’t always love-making to me. Sometimes its just wild, sweaty monkey fucking. It’s cool.
42. I will love your penis
82. I get free condoms from school.
83. I’m 22 with the mind of a 30 year old and a heart of a 10 year old.
108. I know when Pirate Day is.”
bos – I’m Done With Ya, Bitches
“Speaking of Begrudging Attempts at Anal
“Oh, go ahead, just stick it in and get it over with.” A girlfriend actually said this to me once. I have never been a person to nag a woman with requests for anal. I’ve never even asked for it. She asked me why guys are so interested in it and I tried to explain. It’s more about, in an intimate setting, allowing your entire body to become a sex organ, overcoming shame, and trusting one another. A combination of relaxation and overpowering arousal. Don’t patronize my sexuality. “
RANT: Middle-Aged Women complaining about sex!
“Yes ladies, it’s your fault I have no interest in sex! Not getting any and whacking off to porn for 25 years has desensitized my nerve endings to the point that I feel nothing from my navel to my knees!!!! Fantasizing about every possible way of f’ing your brains out has distorted reality for me!!! You, walking in with nothing on under a fur coat pales in comparison to me fantasizing about you rimming my ass while I fuck your sister in front of 18,000 adoring fans at the United Center!!!! “
About ‘The Best of Craigslist’
- Postings are nominated by craigslist readers, and are not necessarily endorsed by craigslist staff.
- Postings may be explicitly sexual, scatalogical, offensive, graphic, tasteless, and/or not funny
No more sex. Please. (s.f. bayarea)
“When I first saw your vagina I was so excited to see all my favorite traits in one package. Now the faint smell and taste that I once loved permeate every tissue on my body. I can’t get the smell off my face (I’ll probably have to shave off my goatee), and the now nauseating taste seems to come from my own sweat or something.
I will forgive you one transgression though because you obviously were unaware, but in the future remember that immediately after a man comes, it is exactly the wrong time to torture him by latching yourself to him like a freaking 5-point safety belt and grinding hard against his incredibly sensitive penis. It’s not funny, I tried to throw you off, but if you’ve ever been in a straight-jacket ….”
10 Reasons to Date a Lesbian (san diego)
“1. I don’t hate men. This is because, unlike most straight women, I don’t have an ex-boyfriend or an ex-husband who has cheated or otherwise done me wrong. Instead, the men I’ve chosen to spend time with have always been my friends. We’ve drunk beer together, gone camping, and talked about girls. I only have good things to say about the guys I know.”
Tips for Using Craigslist to Overcome Post-Break-up Depression (vancouver)
“1. Post daily missives, alternating between maudlin, yet not entirely hopeless, pleas for reunion in Missed Connections, and scathing, wrathful inditements of the other person’s character on Rants and Raves when plaintive Missed Connections posts are ignored. If your daily Craigslist ritual seems to be further deepening the chasm of your agony, create a list of tips for others who may also be struggling with the demons of misguided internet therapy.”
You Might Be Fucking My Roommate, but… (milwaukee)
“Fucking in our common areas. The only reason I know this shit goes on is because I’ve found the condom wrappers in very odd locations. There’s nothing I can do about this, but it creeps me out to think about where either your or her ass has been. If I knew you were both clean and conscious individuals, this might be an area of negotiation, but I know her habits. I’ve seen glimpses into yours. Do what you want in the shower. Otherwise, stay in her room, I beg you.”
Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless. (seattle-tacoma.)
“Four months into dating, I get the “I’m pregnant” talk. She’s going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married “for the baby”. She’s positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she’s gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.
At this point, I’m just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse “oops” on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can’t think beyond their own uteri.”
A man who was found dressed in latex and handcuffs brought a donkey to his room in a Galway city centre hotel, because he was advised “to get out and meet people,†the local court heard last week.
Thomas Aloysius McCarney with an address in south Galway was charged with cruelty to animals, lewd and obscene behaviour, and with being a danger to himself when he appeared before the court on Friday. He was also charged with damage to a mini-bar in the room, but this charge was later dropped when the defendant said that it was the donkey who caused that damage.
Solicitor for the accused Ms Sharon Fitzhenry said that her client had been through a difficult time lately and that his wife had left him and that his life had become increasingly lonely.
“Mr McCarney has been attending counselling at which he was told that he would be advised to get out and meet people and do interesting things. It was this advice that saw him book into the city centre hotel with a donkey,†she said. She added that Mr McCarney also suffered from a fixation with the Shrek movies and could constantly be heard at work talking to himself saying things like “Isn’t that right, Donkey?â€
Supt John McBrearty told the court that Mr McCarney who had signed in as “ Mr Shrek†had told hotel staff that the donkey was a family pet and that this was believed by the hotel receptionist who the supt said was “young and hadn’t great English.â€
Receptionist Irina Legova said that Mr McCarney had told her that the donkey was a breed of “super rabbit†which he was bringing to a pet fair in the city. The court was told that the donkey went berserk in the middle of the night and ran amok in the hotel corridor, forcing hotel staff to call the gardai.
McCarney was found in the room wearing a latex suit and handcuffs, the key to which the donkey is believed to have swallowed. He was removed to Mill St station after which it is said he was the subject of much mirth among the lads next door in The Galway Arms.
He was fined €2,000 for bringing the donkey to the room under the Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act 1837. Other charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
Update: Apparently, this is a hoax. Rats.
A float depicting U.S. President George W. Bush being spanked by the Statue Of Liberty passes by during the Rose Monday carnival parade in Mainz, western Germany, on Monday, Feb. 19, 2007. Thousands of spectators attended the traditional street carnival parade in the state of Rhineland-Palatinates’s capital. (AP Photo/Bernd Kammerer)
Thanks, Lolita!
Upload your ass here.
About ‘The Best of Craigslist’
- Postings are nominated by craigslist readers, and are not necessarily endorsed by craigslist staff.
- Postings may be explicitly sexual, scatalogical, offensive, graphic, tasteless, and/or not funny
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