craigslist

On Monday, a Seattle web developer named Jason Fortuny started his own Craigslist experiment. The goal: “Posing as a submissive woman looking for an aggressive dom, how many responses can we get in 24 hours?”

He took the text and photo from a sexually explicit ad (warning: not safe for work) in another area, reposted it to Craigslist Seattle, and waited for the responses to roll in. Like Simon’s experiment, the response was immediate. He wrote, “178 responses, with 145 photos of men in various states of undress. Responses include full e-mail addresses (both personal and business addresses), names, and in some cases IM screen names and telephone numbers.”

In a staggering move, he then published every single response, unedited and uncensored, with all photos and personal information to Encyclopedia Dramatica (kinda like Wikipedia for web fads and Internet drama). Read the responses (warning: sexually explicit material).

Instantly, commenters on the LiveJournal thread started identifying the men. Dissenters emailed the guys to let them know they were scammed. Several of them were married, which has led to what will likely be the first of many separations. One couple in an open marriage begged that their information be removed, as their religious family and friends weren’t aware of their lifestyle. Another spotted a fellow Microsoft employee, based on their e-mail address. And it’s really just the beginning, since the major search engines haven’t indexed these pages yet. After that, who knows? Divorces, firings, lawsuits, and the assorted hell that come from having your personal sex life listed as the first search result for your name.
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Adults are stupid on the internet.

Premise: I was surfing through the job listings at Craigslist, and inevitably wandered my way into the personals section, and became instantly fascinated with all the posts. I eventually made my way into the “Sex with no strings attached” section, and immediately wondered: Could this be real? Is it really this easy to get laid by simply logging in and making a post, when so many other people out there have to struggle to get laid the normal way? It didn’t take long to realize that for every female who posted, there were anywhere from ten to twenty males posting, and several of the posts mentioned that half the girls who posted were just spammers, which led me to believe that the ratio was even greater than that. So with this curiosity in mind, I set out to find out how hard it was to get laid using Craigslist, or rather, how many people actually responded to the “No strings attached” ads.

Interesting observations:

1. For the New York and Chicago postings where I pretended to be a straight female looking for a male, I had over twenty emails after only three or four minutes of posting. The rate of emails slowed down as the day went on when the post got pushed further and further down on the page.

2. I was overwhelmed with how many straight males simply included pictures of their penises and nothing else. Were they really expecting that a girl would see a picture of their penis and exclaim “That’s the guy for me!”?

Tons of reader feedback here.

(more…)

[via MonMouth, mwah!]

I won’t shoot you in the face like cheney – m4w – 35

….unless you really want me to

[via violet blue]

Why I’m not sleeping with the Nice Guy On the Second Date
“1. Because I’m pretty damn sure that sleeping with you — after the second date — will not be as sexually satisfying as masturbation. Frankly, I’m not going to be that attracted to you after the second date. Waiting until the fifth date just means that I was attracted enough to you on the second date to keep dating you in hopes that I might be attracted enough to you on the fifth date to get some sexual satisfaction out of sleeping with you. (All date time lines are approximate, of course. Fifth could mean third or seventh, depending on you and me and our chemistry). Believe me, I wish I were as attracted to you on the second date as the fifth. But I’m not. And I wish that that the physiology of sex were such that any stick in any hole would do the job for me. But it won’t. So if we make it to five dates, it’s because there’s some actual chemistry there that builds enough for me to overcome all the other disincentives to sleep with you. What are these other disincentives?”

I’ll Cook and Fuck, Just Do My Dishes – w4m – 26
“I love to cook, but lately, I have not been doing it nearly as frequently as I should. I live by myself, and cooking for one and then having to clean the goddamned mess seems like a total hassle. That said, if you promise to be a regular fuck buddy, then I’ll guarantee satisfying you in more than one way. I’ve been told that I’m a great cook and a great fuck. I’m a vegetarian with a bald pussy. Doesn’t cunnilingus on me sound fun?”

Orgasm Notice – 3 Days to Pay or Quit
“Dear Sir,

You have been renting my vagina for the past six weeks. In that six weeks you have had liberal access to myself and my fine ass bobbing on your dick, and you have taken advantage of this opportunity on a damn near daily basis. That is great. I love sex and I love it more when it is a daily experience. However, over the course of these past six weeks, I have recieved only one “payment” in exchange for your many lovely gifts of pearl necklaces and the like.

This arrangement is simply not an acceptable one for my vagina and myself. This notice serves you with a three day period to pay up or get the fuck on. I want an orgasm.”

10 Traits That Make You A Great Girlfriend
“9. She’s intelligent
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the bimbo routine gets real old, real fast. Instead of being the one in total control, you’ll find yourself trying to figure out what she’s really thinking behind those glazed eyes of hers – or if she’s actually thinking at all. An intelligent woman will constantly surprise you and keep you on your toes. She won’t let you get bored of her. Besides, it’s nice to have something to talk about between all that chandelier-hanging sex.

8. She’s sexual
While we’re on the topic, a great girlfriend has to be sexually compatible with you. For instance, if you’re into S&M and she’s more the “fluffy lingerie” type, that’s a problem. The two of you have to be on the same page – or, at least, she has to be willing to wear leather and use a whip from time to time. Of course, this doesn’t imply that she has to know all the right moves straight away; it simply means that you and she have an undeniable attraction toward each other, and are able to communicate your desires verbally (or with physical cues). It is important that you please each other in the bedroom, or on top of the dryer – whatever the case may be.”

SWF with DID Wants Caring Kinky Man – w4m – 29
“If you’re looking for a “normal” woman, please do us both a favor and move on. I’m single by choice, white, in good shape (personal trainer), and attractive enough where I have no trouble getting dates. However, due to some severe childhood trauma, I also suffer from dissociative identity disorder or DID, often mistakenly called Multiple Personality Disorder.

For the past few years, I’ve fought with medication and several therapists and suffered through relationships with men and sometimes women who just didn’t understand the needs of my alters – the other personalities that manifest themselves from time to time. Perhaps I’ll never have a long term relationship ubt I have come to realize in the past few years that there are many kinky people in the world and the internet has given me a safe and sane forum to meet them. So, with a hopeful heart, I’m wondering if someone is out there who can handle all of me.

I’m looking for someone who would be comfortable with all of my alters. Understand that I have no control about which alter appears and when, so you have to be the kind of person who goes with the flow.”

Old Spice and my date with The Slutwitch
“The Slutwitch was beautiful, but taller than I expected and had a deep FM DJ type of voice. She kept flipping her hair every 5-10 seconds so I thought she might be tweeking. She got right down to business after pocketing the 2 Jacksons and let me tell you, she was good at it. As she was slurping away, she tried to slip me a finger, which I thought was weird. I diddn’t last long and exploded just as the second Cramps song began. The whole time I was rubbing her ass and thighs, but she kept pushing my hand away whenever I got to close to her coochie. She grabbed her phone and said she had to take a call and was out of my car before I could even respond. As I watched her slink away, it hit me : My Slutwitch was a dude. Now I don’t know what to think. I had an incredible time, and she WAS just about the hottest thing I’d ever seen, but I swear, I am not a homo, not now, not ever. At this point, my head is spinning, I managed to get her number, but am scared to call her again. It was incredible though. Does anyone know of a therapist who specializes in this area???”

To the tailgating cop who ruined my blowjob on the QEW – 29

“Look, it’s been a few years since I’ve dated a girl willing to even consider giving head while I’m driving. I didn’t think this one would even take me seriously. In fact, _I_ didn’t even take the suggestion seriously, but I made a joke about it and she got a gleam in her eye and told me to take off my jacket.

I was a little uneasy because some asshole in a station wagon had been tailgating me for a minute for two, but I figured, “Fuck him. Let him watch. He’s practically in the back seat as it is.” So down she goes. I just can’t believe this is really happening.”

DISGUSTING but completely true story
“My body reacts to such stress in two ways. One of which is an elevated sex drive. With my boyfriend hunkered down in the library with his own papers and me cozy at home, I knew the most efficient way to finish the job would be to do it myself. I have a small apartment and a nearby roommate, so I decided to take a waterproof vibrator (thank you, Goodvibes) into the shower for some fun in the (loud-to-mask-my-own-sounds) water.

I hop in the shower with the trusty vibe and get warmed up under the spray of the shower. Ahhhh, things were feeling good. I face away from the shower head, prop my foot up on the corner of the tub, and start to have some fun. After a minute or two, with the thoughts of term papers completely out of my mind, I felt my body tense up and release some of that built up tension. Delicious!

Then I remembered the other way my body reacts to stress.”

I Am the Alfred Stieglitz of Cock Pics…
“Once you sense the power of my work, you’ll clearly understand how analogous it is to the power of my fucking. One mind-blowing three-minute session with me and you’ll understand why artists such as myself attract women: it’s a deep-seated sensitivity to the world that artists like myself are only able to communicate by taking photos of our cocks and anonymously emailing them to you.”

Dear Husband: All I Want For Christmas is a Good Fuck
“Every day I watch your little beer belly grow just a bit bigger, and every day I don’t care because I am so horny that I want you anyway, and every day you roll over and go to sleep, and I masturbate my sorrows away. I masturbate after you leave for work in the morning, while you’re in the shower, and while you’re in the other room playing video games. My finger is developing a permanent cramp. I am so sex-starved that I fantasize about other men, from celebrities, to the coffee shop guy, to that shy coworker who always smiles at me, to my jackass boss who thinks he is God’s gift to women. I am so horny that I can’t get my work done during the day, I am so desperately trying to get the images of fucking you, the co-worker, the boss, the celebrity, and/or anybody else with a dick out of my head. I mean, this is ridiculous. I keep myself in nice shape, I get cat-called on the street and hit on at work and in bars, and I can’t even get laid?! What kind of fucked-up universe is this?”

Hot girls = bad bad bad bad
“Girls are like starving jackals when it comes to complements. Complement them on their shoes, and they’ll stave off complement starvation for a little bit….but they’ll need to feed again. Soon. Hot girls are the fat jackals that get food tossed to them. They go through their day being admired, stared at, and complemented for everything they do from buying a bagel to passing gas (“Dude, that hot girl farted.” “AWESOME!”) so they begin to define themselves by their hotness. Because they’re validated so regularly, hot girls get a self-esteem defined by others, and a sense of entitlement that could match your average NBA player.

Not-as-hot girls don’t have this problem. They learn to validate themselves through their own self confidence and self worth. A complement here and there is nice, but they are the fit, scavenging complement jackals that can make it through a harsh winter without any “Hey you’re hot”‘s. “

i bought condoms from my deliguy for NOTHING,ruining our relationship
“Thank YOU darling, for a memorable evening, and for a reminder that after a night like this, i won’t ever pick up the phone, when I can’t understand more than 3 words in a sentence, after midnight, from anyone, ever. Not even my mom.”

Some folks are really desperate to get to work. Others just want to lend a hand. Or a cock.

To the woman who danced in my pee and stepped on my heart. – m4w – 26
“You…uh…You danced around in my pee! Not only did you prance around in a stream of my urine but you cupped your hands in the puddle of pee I had just created and started splashing around in it.”

Men Online – Hall of Shame
“The No Sex Drive Guy
Good sex at first but then loses interest. Forgets to mention that he is now on anti depressants, which has killed his sex drive completely. Don’t take it personally – the Limp Noodle is not because of you. Good thing you stumbled upon them in the bathroom cabinet when you were looking for a Q-tip.

The Cel Phone/Blackberry Guy
So attached to his device he doesn’t even know how to turn it off. Face has odd green glow from peering over that little screen every time you aren’t looking, go to the washroom, etc. This shifty eyed techno addict has the attention span of a mosquito. Usually jumpy and hopped up on coffee too.

The Horny Webcam Guy
Very soon into your chat with horny guy, he’ll suggest that you chat on camera, show you his abs, and ask if you have a camera. Never seems to actually date, always online looking for fresh fantasy material.”

Small Penis
“Small Penis, it’s time for you to stop pretending to be what you are not. I cannot overemphasize this- if you have ever seen wildlife documentaries with baboons mating- this has begun to come to mind. The bored female with a faraway look (me) with the male gyrating away somewhere back there (him.)

Think of yourself as an artist’s tool- part of a set with your fingers and tongue (which also seems to be trying to compensate, btw- do you think I am lovng it when you jam your tongue in and out of my vadge? This move can be good at the right moment, but constantly?) A tool of precision is the most you can be. YOu will never be a big cock. Ever. And I am cool with that. But I am so so so frustrated.”

Increasingly attractive woman – m4w – 27
“Dear increasingly attractive woman:

I came very close to making a pass at you today. While I have not been attracted to you for the majority of time I’ve known you, I find myself desiring you more and more the longer I go without any sex or female companionship. Your annoying habits are easier to ignore, your odd features seem to blur, and your shitty attitude more closely matches my air of pathetic desparation.”

The W4M Code
“Ladies,
In the spirit of the Geek Code (don’t ask), effective immediately, please start preparing the following shorthand to your W4M posts. And put it in the title. It will save us all a lot of time.

If you are thick, zaftig, a BBW, “not a supermodel” or any of the other euphimisms for fat, you’re fat. Say so: F. If you want to include your weight, just say: F(weight in pounds).

If you’re a golddigger, come right out and say it. It will make it all easier. G$ means that you expect a dinner a week or so. G$$ means that you want us to buy you things, too. G$$$ means that you want us to give you regular cash (say how much you want per week in parantheses). And G$$$$ means that you want credit cards, high-end gifts, and the sky’s generally the limit.”

200 partners, same old song and dance
“I was catching up on the posts and read the 200 partners thread pretty much as a whole. What strikes me as the most interesting thing about this debate is the frequent and repeated threats from men that they will not love a girl who has been promiscuous.

I am a woman who has slept with probably 100 men. I am 34. I met at least 30 of them online. I’ve been having sex for 17 years and have had three LTRs (3 years, 4 years, and 5 years respectively. at least the numbers are going up. looking for #4 – planning on making it 6 years icon wink The Best of The Best of Craigslist anyway.) I have had every kind of sexual relationship from LT to ST to one-night to no-strings affairs that went on for months and so on. I enjoy sex. A lot. In fact, it is one of my favorite things to do. I’m a vital, still sort-of young woman and I like pleasuring and being pleasured. End of story. I have other interests and hobbies. I have a rewarding career. I do not claim to be particularly good at intimacy or, imagine this, all that interested in experiencing it with most of the men that I have known. So. the fuck. what?”

A Simple Lesson for Guys Posting Personals (From Another Guy)
“First off, let me just say, I’ve been reading through the M4W ads for several weeks now because I find them wildly amusing. Many of my female friends do this as well, and we get a big kick out of some of the things you goobers post!

Here’s the problem: I don’t think most of you are *intentionally* trying to be funny – and that’s just sad.

So, rather than sitting back in the privacy of my home, mocking you and passing judgment, I figure it’s time I put my money where my mouth is and dispense a little “tough love.” Take my advice, or don’t, it doesn’t matter to me either way. In fact, I almost hope you don’t, just because I’d hate for my hilarious leisure reading to evaporate!”

flagged for my for sale ad
“I moved to Portland after graduation, and the guitar-luck, of course, came with me. I’ve sprayed in all sorts of Portland girls thanks to this guitar: Indies, goths, trustafarians, hipsters, even a lesbian once from that time i lugged it up to the Egyptian Club on Division. This instrument has been vital in both my sexual development and approximately seven abortions. I won’t even tell you about the time when i brought the guitar to the Planned Parenthood up in Northeast by the Wild Oats. All I can say is that Planned Parenthoods are a ripe garden of fertile baby caves. Best. Blowjob. Ever.”

The girls I have dated

“Mrs. Horn – I don’t even know your first name. But I don’t feel badly because I don’t think you even knew you slept with me after that New Year’s Eve party, you were so drunk Although you did insist I cum inside you. You know something funny, I ran into you a few years ago. I saw you down by the waterfront with your husband. I started chatting with you but you didn’t recognize me. You just thought I was a kind stranger. You’re screwed up. There are laws out there you know. I regret the sex even if you don’t. Guess I’ve changed a lot since I was 17.”

You wonder why men cheat?

“So I’ve had about all I can stand. How is it marriage allows you to take someone sexually hostage? Where the fuck do women get off dictating what is an appropriate amount of sex? You say you just have too much going on and it’s not a priority but get your feelings hurt when you get cheated on, sorry not feeling the compassion like I should I guess.
Let me paint a picture. I mostly normal, professional, successful, kind, generous, blah blah blah. I am in my second marriage. The first was as much my fault as hers but one theme that held true was the drastic drop off in sex. What gives?

I have seen the scenario unfold many many times. You meet a guy and you fuck non stop for months. It tapers off but both are feeling pretty satisfied by the quality of sex and both agree that it will always be this way. In fact the guy is assuming this is a cornerstone of the relationship and takes this into consideration when he offers you a huge fucking ring you did nothing to deserve. Am I being to harsh? i don’t think so, about 1% of the population of the world has a diamond ring of 1 karat or larger. What makes you so special?”

I’ll be contributing a new monthly feature to Fleshbot.

The Best of Craigslist: Sex.

Viva Craiglist!

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………….the “ass fuck conspiracy?” You haven’t, eh? Well, I probably should not do this, but I will — I will share the secrets of the little-known ass fuck conspiracy. But only if you promise to use it only for the greater good (aka: pleasure). (Note: there are basics of this plan — lube, limits, pacing, etc. — that are well-known, oft-talked about, and are part of any successful sexual interlude which will not be specifically covered here, but DO keep them in mind.)

Overview: Lighten up, no matter how pressing your desire for ass fucking may be. Talking, pressuring or coercing your girl into anal isn’t effective. Tricking or forcing her into it is out of the question. Pleasuring her into it is a whole different story……..

THE BASIC RULE: You must be well-versed in pleasuring the “usual” parts. That’s right, you must be handy with a pussy. If you’re not already giving your girl heights of orgasmic pleasure like she’s never seen, you’re not ready for the ass fuck conspiracy. If you’re not skilled with her vagina and related parts (and genuinely enjoy being so), there’s no way she’s letting you near the “other” place. Period. And she has a sense of this, trust me. If this is an issue, go back and figure it out, then proceed only when you’ve practiced more.

Step #1: Orgasms, orgasms, and more orgasms (for her, duh). If you’re providing your girl with many lovely and varied types of O’s, she’s going to have an inherent trust in your knowledge of and ability in the area of pleasuring her, which is going to make the issue of ass fucking much more considerable. (see above.) Also, for most girls, its more desirable and more pleasurable to do anal if they’ve already had at least one or several orgasms. More on this below.

Step #2: Oral, oral and more oral. While you’re down there showing off your superior oral abilities and facilitating those O’s, mix-it up a bit — flick your tongue, swirl it, and perform oral on and around her asshole. This will not only introduce her to the fact that there are many lovely nerve-endings there, which she will most likely enjoy, but will exhibit the fact that you are adventurous and appreciative of and committed to the pleasure of her entire being. This creates a much different atmosphere then that of completely avoiding her asshole and then trying to stick something in it. You know?

Step #3: The T’aint. “It ain’t the pussy and it ain’t the asshole.” You may have heard of this little place between the pussy and the asshole. If you are enjoying or working up to Step #2, don’t forget this little place for licking, etc. (more…)

[via Erosblog]

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Lesson Plan: 10 GOLDEN RULES TO THE BEST ANAL PROBIN’ EVER!

Note to reader: The ‘rules youre about to read are not to be taken lightly/seriously. By proceeding, you agree to take full responsibility of any possible anal damage that may occur to you and/or your partner. In other words, If he/she rips your asshole, because you chose not to follow instructions. Leave me the fuck out of it!

Rule I: No matter how horny you are (or in my case how much you wanna please your man) NEVER let him go in w/o lube! Your asshole WILL rip…Trust me

Rule II: If in your case the anal probin is premeditated, make sure you poop. Not always, but many times, ‘shit happends’. Unless youre on of those nasty couples, who doesnt mind a little ‘sticky icky covered P-P at the end…

Rule III: GIRLS: F.Y.I: Never anal fuck on the 1st date. It isnt ‘lady-like’. (more…)

Best of Craigslist

by Viviane on 09/15/2005

in craigslist

from BoingBoing:

BB pal Bob Rossney sez,

Touching or creepy? It’s a little of both! Here’s a new way of being a carpetbagger that doesn’t require you to leave your house.

Men all over the country are suddenly interested in the women of New Orleans. “Fresh start in California” offers one. “Looking to help and start over as well” offers a man in Washington DC. A man in Las Vegas holds out hope of “A safe place to get on your feet.”

These all seem like nice guys (especially the last, whose ad is actually kind of heartwarming.) But still: what better foundation for a lasting relationship than finding someone who’s utterly helpless and giving them a chance to be dependent on you?

10) To the mechanic I took out to dinner who said his nickname was the “Lube Specialist” – next time tell me about your wife and son before you invite me over. Better yet, before I take you out to dinner at all. It was nice – albeit unexpected – to meet them, I’m sure. I’m not sure your wife shared the sentiment.

9) To the best friend of my last boyfriend who propositioned me during his house-warming party – you were my boyfriend’s best childhood friend. Remind me not to take friendship/loyalty lessons from you. You just moved in with your girlfriend two weeks prior – why? Opening a proposition with, “Hard nipples turn me on,” isn’t going to make me tear off my clothes. Finally, the aforementioned proposition happening directly in front of your girlfriend with almost no reaction from her was not only disgusting on your part, but kind of disturbing behavior on her part. Get me the hell OUT of this Bermuda Triangle for insanity.

(more…)

You were a bitch, hard to live with, a slob, looked awful in the mornings, had the worst breath ever, farted, burped, destroyed the kitchen (when you cooked), never cleaned, were selfish, self-centered, and unloving. You weren�t supportive, was a drain on my life and finances, and demoralizing. You robbed my confidence, my drive, and sucked the will to live out of me. You were a vampire on my emotions, draining the happiness and peace out of my soul. You had horrible acne, but knew how to cover it with makeup. You hated all other girls, yet surrounded yourself with girls just like you. Your greatest intellectual achievement was identifying with �Sex and the City.� Your mother is an emotional abomination, determined to live her sex-deprived and dissatisfied life through you, further wrecking your already blighted soul. You have a complete and utter lack of morality and respect for other human beings. Oh, you were also unladylike, and dressed like a complete whore.

Why do I miss you?

Because you sucked my dick like a pornstar. (more…)

I’ve got to hand it to the Original Poster. Using a blood pressure sleeve as a masturbatory device is a very creative technique. I feel that it is incumbent upon me to share my favorite alternative masturbation technique with the males of Craig’s List as well.

Using a very complex mathematical formula (Villanova grad- Physics and Statistics dual major), I was able to make the determination that heating an unskinned cantelope in the microwave for six minutes and thirty-two seconds will cause the interior of the cantelope to warm to the average basal body temperature of a woman’s vagina. After removing the cantelope from the microwave and skinning it, I carve out a small hole using a potato peeler and let my erect penis do the rest of the work! As you penetrate the warm, soft, fruity flesh of the cantelope, you will find that it feels EXACTLY like sinking into a real woman! And even better, YOU’RE in complete control of the cantelope!

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I scanned two years worth of ‘ the best of’…for you guys. This is bad. I think I started blogging so that I wouldn’t waste time mooning about the CE section!