Where: Collect Pond, 45 Berry Street, corner of N 11th St, Brooklyn  (Google Maps: http://bit.ly/derivtheat)
Cost: Pay what you can, suggested donation $15 includes snacks
Presented by Derivative Theater Company
RSVP: Seating is limited! Please, RSVP to booking AT sbearbergman DOT com with your name and and the number of people.

Multiple award-winning writer, performer, gender-jammer and instigator S Bear Bergman returns to The Big Apple after a two year hiatus with hir new book, The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You. Alternately unsettling and affirming, devastating and delicious, The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You is a new collection of essays on gender and identity that’s irrevocably honest and endlessly illuminating. With humour and grace, Bergman spins stories from women’s spaces to the old boys’ network, from gay male bathhouses to lesbian potlucks, from being a child to preparing to have one; and throughout shows just what kind of things you learn when you’re visibly queer to the naked eye. As usual, expect digressions, jokes, off-label stories, time for questions and reckless flirting.

Full book tour schedule: http://sbearbergman.com/tour/

I’m reading and really enjoying the second book by S. Bear Bergman,  The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You (Arsenal Pulp Press). It’s a collection of essays about gender and identity. I think we first met when ze taught at Dark Odyssey a few years ago. It’s also interesting to see how these writings have expanded since I first read them on ze’s Livejournal.

Here’s a little about the book from publisher:

Alternately unsettling and affirming, devastating and delicious, The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You is a new collection of essays on gender and identity by S. Bear Bergman that is irrevocably honest and endlessly illuminating. With humor and grace, these essays deal with issues from women’s spaces to the old boys’ network, from gay male bathhouses to lesbian potlucks, from being a child to preparing to have one. Throughout, S. Bear Bergman shows us there are things you learn when you’re visibly different from those around you—whether it’s being transgressively gendered or readably queer. As a transmasculine person, Bergman keeps readers breathless and rapt in the freakshow tent long after the midway has gone dark, when the good hooch gets passed around and the best stories get told. Ze offers unique perspectives on issues that challenge, complicate, and confound the “official stories” about how gender and sexuality work.

You can read a PDF excerpt from the book, The Velveteen Tranny, but you should just order it from your local independent (feminist, queer, radical) bookstore.

Bear is also doing a book tour, and will be traveling to Ohio, New York, San Francisco, Vancouver and other cities: http://sbearbergman.com/tour/. I’ll post about hir New York appearance shortly, and hope to see you there.

Who doesn’t love Sue Johanson?  I grew up listening to the grandmotherly sexpert talk about every sexual taboo imaginable on CBC Radio, and later tuned into late night TV to watch her Sunday Night Sex Show.  Mostly, I tuned in to laugh, because she is quite a character and very funny.  But, I always learned quite a bit from her shows and perhaps because of her, aspired to study sexology and teach people about the positive aspects of their sexuality as well.

I was hoping Sue’s book “Sex, Sex, and More Sex” was going to teach me something new, and leave off where her shows ended.  The book doesn’t do that however.  It is more of a digest of all her Q & A’s on the shows, written down and explained, with a few resources.  This would be a valuable resource for someone who has never watched Sue’s shows, or for young people who don’t have all the answers.  But, I mainly found it repetitive as didn’t offer me anything new or unique.

The book is easily navigated by topic, put in alphabetical order, with a listing as well in the index.  Each topic has a Q & A format, which Sue answers.  Being a registered nurse, many of the topics pertain to STDs, Aids, celibacy, condoms and safety, which is great.  Sue also demystifies many subjects, which, in her day were much more taboo than they are now such as anal sex, bondage and discipline, abortion, hairiness and vaginal farts. (Well, maybe vagina farts didn’t need to be demystified?)  Sue’s focus is always on safety and health, be it physical, or mental.  She also addresses issues that aren’t necessarily sexual like Anorexia, battering and abuse, Osteoporosis, and body image issues.

The information provided in this book is very useful, especially for teens who want the straight facts and I would recommend it for anyone’s daughter, son, niece, nephew, or grandchild who is becoming curious about their own sexuality and asking questions.  Much of what you will find in the book is the type of info that you’d get from places like Planned Parenthood.  Some of it is a bit dated, and I wonder if Sue has ever used some of the toys she recommends, but overall, useful and accurate information.

I guess I was disappointed in the book because I am no longer a teenager, so much of the information I already know.  And, also, the book cannot capture Sue’s witty, no-nonsense personality that she portrayed on her shows, which was one of the best things about watching them.

Obviously, the intended audience is not myself, or other savvy sexperts, but young people who want to know more about sex but are afraid to ask.  I do highly recommend this book for teens and for parents who don’t quite know all the answers either, or aren’t sure how to approach the subject with their kids.

Sex, Sex, and More Sex | Sex Toys | Anal Toys

“Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino is an enlightening and thought-provoking book that explores the diverse aspects of nonmonogamous relationships from solo polyamory, to partnered nonmonogamy, to triangles and groups.  The book features a wealth of information from stats to brief histories of polyamory in the U.S., as well as Taormino’s own research on the subject where she interviewed over 100 people living in open relationships over the past ten years.

The Guide begins by relating the history of polyamory, as well as breaking the myths of monogamy and traditional relationships, why you might want to choose a nonmonogamous lifestyle and what makes nonmonogamy work.  Section 2 looks at the many styles or models of nonmonogamous relationships and Section 3 talks about creating and sustaining relationships.  There is also a resource guide at the end which lists books, organizations and websites for further information.

Throughout the book Taormino uses checklists and practical advice for the reader which she says can be used like a roadmap to navigate your own way through the different styles and create your own model based on you and your partner(s) needs, desires, and unique situation(s).  Like any emotional or sexual relationship, polyamorous relationships have unique problems, potential issues and conflicts that arise that are common to open relationships.  Taormino deals with each of these giving practical advice and coping strategies including: jealousy, fear of abandonment, time management, negotiating boundaries, violating agreements, new desire, coping with change, safer sex as well as legal issues.

The highlight of the book is the real life experiences Taormino uses with quotes, stories and advice from a diverse group of people who share their desires, fears, challenges, solutions, successes and failures with the reader to provide meaningful context.  This book is really a thoughtful and comprehensive guide on open relationships of all kinds, leaving no stone unturned.  Enlightening, inspirational, and practical, this book is for anyone interested in or already living in responsible nonmonogamous relationships.

You can purchase “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino at Babeland.

Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: The Key to Enriching Your Sexual Life
by Mark A. Michaels (Author), Patricia Johnson (Author), Tristan Taormino (Foreword)

Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is an instructional book that focuses on the erotic possibilities of  Tantric Sex, written by life partners Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, a “devoted married couple who have been teaching Tantra and Kriya yoga together since 1999″ .  Unlike many other books I have read on the subject of Tantra, this book teaches the spiritual quest for enlightenment in its most ancient form, rather than the watered-down versions you normally see for Western culture.  This doesn’t mean that the book is overly esoteric or the concepts difficult to grasp, as Michaels and Johnson explain the aspects of Tantra in the most elementary terms.  It is however, a healthy tome, with a wealth of information on sexuality, sexual spirituality, pleasure, desire, meditation, energy, bliss, transformation and union: basically everything your need to begin your Tantric journey as a novice, or expand upon the teachings you have already learned as an experienced practitioner.  In other words, this is not a quick study guide.  In fact, it has taken me many weeks to read from cover to cover, a rewarding experience that was well worth every word.  The authors actually recommend using the book by reading one chapter per week and then practicing what you have learned, which is the best way to approach this book.

The text features a foreword by Tristan Taormino, fifty-two exercises to do yourself solo or with your partner, multiple illustrations and photographs of Michaels and Johnson showing the various positions, as well as a complete glossary to help you understand all the terminology.  It is also written to be inclusive to all genders and sexual persuasions.

What is best about this book is that the authors use many of their own experiences as a practical guide to inform the reader and guide you on your spiritual quest of sexual enlightenment and pleasure.  It covers all aspects of sexual spirituality and has information both valuable to novices and those already knowledgeable in the art of Tantra.

“Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is a book for those who want to get a taste of Tantric sexuality firsthand, for those who wish to understand their own sexuality more deeply, enhance the sexual component of their relationships, or explore some simple meditation techniques that embrace sexuality as a tool for spiritual growth…  At the same time, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is not solely for beginners, since it explores both the theoretical and practical aspects of Tantra in some depth and includes exercises that even readers who are familiar with contemporary Tantra and Neo-Tantra should find both challenging and original…  We focus on consciousness, an experimental attitude, and, above all, pleasure…” –From the Introduction of the book.

This is certainly one of the best and most thorough books I have read on  Tantra, which is sure to help anyone interested in these topics enhance their sexual pleasure and intimacy together, as well as guide them on the path to their own sexual and spiritual awakening.

You can purchase Tantra for Erotic Empowerment at Amazon.com.  Thank you to the authors for allowing me the pleasure to review their book and to Viviane for suggesting it to me.

“The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance” is an instruction handbook by Mistress Lorelei, published by Greenery Press. Its focus is on heterosexual female dominance, but much of the information can be adapted to other gender play scenarios. Written by Lorelei, an experienced lifestyle Dominatrix and feminist, it provides information to women “at all levels of the art”.

In Part One: Becoming a Mistress, Lorelei talks about how expressing one’s female dominance is liberating within the constraints of patriarchal culture, by transforming the power exchange and defying the prescribed gender roles. She also encourages women (and men) to embrace their “shadow selves”, the sides that are denied them in everyday life, but ones they can experience through fantasy. According to the author, the submissive is able to experience an emotional catharsis, by letting go and enjoying a sense of freedom.

Part Two: The Mistress in Action discusses practical ways to assert one’s dominance, the art of discipline and the skills one needs to become a successful Domme. Some of the tools the author examines includes using suspense (mystery and anticipation) and variation to create a compelling scene fantasy, creating a set, using costumes and props, choreographing a scene, punishment as a form of pleasure and release, as well as rewards and aftercare. She also provides plenty of information on various techniques including spanking and flagellation, bondage, humiliation and forms of control.

In Part Three: The Five Archetypal Fantasies, Lorelei introduces the main role playing models: Nursemaid, Governess, Queen, Amazon and Goddess and what part these play in fulfilling fantasies. The following chapters then go on to explain these roles in depth with examples and suggestions. The book also includes an afterword with “Ten Rules for a Successful Mistress” which is a visual summary of the lessons learned within.

The Mistress Manual has a wealth of information, much more than can be covered in a short review. It is well written, with an emphasis on the psychological as well as the physical aspects of D/s. It is an excellent read that has plenty to offer for both novices and seasoned pros.

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance

is available on Amazon.com

How to Be a Dominant Diva
by Georgia Payne and Julie Taylor

Ok, so who doesn’t want to be a Dominant Diva once in a while?  Even if you are submissive by nature, or like your partner to be the one in control, sometimes it is thrilling, fun, and empowering to switch the power exchange and bring a bit of unexpected excitement into a relationship.  This is what “How to Be a Dominant Diva” is all about.

This book is tremendously different than what I was expecting.  First, I thought by the title that it was a book that focused on D/s play.  And, while there is some spanking, bondage and blindfolding scenarios in the book, it is marketed towards vanilla heterosexual couples.  Second, I thought it might be one of those lame books that gives you stupid ideas and quotes on every page, like: “Tonight, try a blindfold!” or “Flavored lubes are a great way to spice up oral sex!”  But, this book is actually way deeper and more interesting than that.

First of all, the book is written by two fairly qualified Divas.  Julie Taylor is a writer for Cosmopolitan and Glamour and “has written over 100 sex and relationship features for major magazines”.  Georgia Payne is “one of America’s most prominent dominatrixes with a large clientele in both Los Angeles and New York.”  Both these women are long time friends and have put their ideas and experience together in creating this book, with 69 sexy scenarios you can use with your partner to add a bit of spontaneity and exhilaration into an otherwise “ordinary” love life.

I was actually impressed with the thought put into creating these erotic adventures, such as “Naughty Nurse,” “Treasure Hunt,” “Driving Miss Diva,” “Naked Sushi,” “Abduction Seduction,” and “Caught and Cuffed.”  Each scenario has a front page, then a pull out action plan to guide you through each encounter, detailing the props you will need to carry out your seductive quest.  The following is an excerpt from the book, courtesy of DominantDiva.com “Meet me at Halftime”.

There are a lot of inspiring ideas that will certainly give some fuel to your fire and get your partner’s motor running as well.  Each adventure uses the element of suspense and surprise to entice and seduce, which are techniques that many of us forget in our day-to-day lives.  Many are played out like games or scavengers hunts, in which your lover wins sex as the prize.  These sexual explorations are not just simple rolls in the hay but ideas that will turn each exploit into a sizzling “sexperience” and night to remember.

This book is a great activity book for those seeking ways to add more pleasure and excitement to their love life.  It’s a keeper and will give you lots of food for fodder to create your own unique sexcapades as well.

You can buy “How to Be a Dominant Diva” at Tabu Toys

and while there get some great sex toys to let the games begin!

“Sex is a potent method for directing and releasing magical energies.  The sexual act unites the polarities that exist within us to create a strong of energy which can be used to transform consciousness.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Sex, Magick and Spirit by Bonnie L. Johnson and Peter L. Schuerman (Llewellyn Publications 1998) is a practical guide for those who want to explore the ancient mysteries of Sacred Sexuality.  Although it is an older book (1998) on tantra, it is not dated and the information is just as useful now as when I first got the book.  Of course, Tantra itself is an ancient practice, and Johnson and Schuerman’s book makes it accessible to modern-day readers.

Combining their knowledge and experience of Eastern Tantra and Western sex magic, Johnson and Schuerman offer easy to follow methods and techniques designed to explore the esoteric aspects of sexuality.  The book is written in a clear, precise language, including illustrations that demonstrate the various positions and exercises that make it even easier to understand.  It was created both for novice and experienced practitioners alike, with its simplicity and the wealth of information it offers the reader.  Anyone interested in exploring the sacred nature of sexuality will find this book a useful and inspiring resource.

“Sacred sex is a celebration of many things, but it is not merely celebratory. It is also a means of practicing magic, of transforming your consciousness in positive ways.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Inside, the authors describe how to arouse the powers within in order to reach new levels of consciousness, how to heighten sensuality and intimacy between you and your partner “including hands-on techniques for experiencing union with one’s partner and with the Divine on all levels” and how to achieve personal transformation by harnessing the mystical powers of sex magick.

The book continues to delve deeper into the mysteries to describe the collective unconsciousness (Divine Consciousness) and the four main Palaeolithic and Neolithic Archetypes for Relationships, explaining how they relate directly with aspects of ourselves.  Many other topics include the seven energy centers (Chakras) and how to balance the energies and polarities within us, yoga exercises, massage, Kegel (or sex) exercises, breathing, meditation and visualization.   It candidly explains different aspects of sexuality and relationships like masturbation, prolonging arousal, breathing and orgasm, the energetics of sex, sexual ethics, oral and anal sex, tuning into your partner sexually, charging the energy centers, and the Sexuality Rituals such as Sacred Marriage and Sacred Prostitution.

“There were two primary types of sacred prostitution: one‑time prostitution, and long‑term devotion to the goddess. One‑time prostitution was an initiation rite for women, in which a girl, upon reaching puberty, would go to the temple of the goddess (Ishtar or one of her counterparts) and sit outside, waiting for a stranger to make an offering to the goddess and then to deflower her.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Sex, Magic and Spirit is not only for those who practice Wicca, Yoga, Tantra or other Sacred Sexualities.  It is designed for those interested in experiencing greater intimacy, unity, balance, and metaphysical enlightenment with your partner and within yourself.

I personally found Sex, Magic and Spirit informative, well-written, enlightening and fascinating to read.  My partner and I enjoyed experimenting with the various techniques described in the book.  We both found the experience heightened our sensitivity to each others’ needs and brought greater awareness of our own.  I highly recommend this book for couples, individuals or pansexual groups who wish to delve deeper into their own sexual mysteries and awaken the God(dess) within.

Sex, Magic, and Spirit: Enlightenment Through Ecstacy is available through Amazon.com

2006 Lammy Finalist Readers:

Ellis Avery, The Teahouse Fire (Riverhead)
Rachel Kramer Bussel, Glamour Girls (Haworth)
Marcia M. Gallo, Different Daughters (Carroll & Graf)
JD Glass, Punk Like Me (Bold Strokes)
Martin Hyatt, A Scarecrow’s Bible (Suspect Thoughts)
Sina Queryas, Lemon Hound (Coach House Press)
Brian Sloan, Tale of Two Summers (Simon & Schuster)
Ron Suresha, Bi Men and Bi Guys (Haworth)
Robert Westfield, Suspension (Harper Perennial)
Andy Zeffer, Going Down in La-La Land (Haworth)