“Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns” was not the first book I have ever read on BDSM.  When I first started getting interested in BDSM, the internet was my guide, some of it useful, some of it ridiculous, everyone had an opinion.  I then read “Different Loving” and “Sensuous Magic”, both excellent books relating to power exchange, the first being a series of “case studies” of real lifestylers by Brame, Brame and Jacobs, and the second a more subjective, yet open look into the BDSM lifestyle by sex radical, educator and writer Patrick Califia.

“Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism” by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon is very subjective, written by a male dominant and submissive female couple and first published in 1995.  It has been hailed as the go-to guide into power exchange relationships and even the BDSM bible.  Today, the book is fairly dated as both the images and the text will attest, yet there is still a lot of relevant information inside.  It is written in first person as both Phillip and Molly write various parts of each section, each relating it to their personal experience and power dynamic.  The tone is friendly and tries to use humor quite a bit which tends to be a bit kitschy at times. The book is also a bit sexist, as Phillip seems to have his own ideas of male and female roles, including sections entitled: “Phillip’s Treehouse—No Girls Allowed” and “Molly’s Quilting Bee,” in which only the males or females in each relationship are supposed to read each part.  No doubt these dynamics work well for this couple and many others, but I found the tone, the sexism and the sometimes tasteless humor to be sometimes off-putting and found myself rolling my eyes a lot while reading it.

Having said that, this is a good introductory book for those searching to learn the basics of BDSM relationships, but it is by no means the BDSM bible.  It does teach many different aspects of the power exchange relationship, but bear in mind that it is subjective so to get a full education, read many books on the subject, learn from your own personal experiences and get a mentor if you can and come to your own conclusions.

What you will learn in Screw the Roses

Page from Screw the Roses

Chapter One defines the BSDM terms and roles, which is fairly basic, yet sometimes confusing.  It states the difference between a Top/bottom and Dom/sub and the interchangeability of these roles.  Chapter Two talks about communication and trust as well as the psychological aspects of a relationship, all practical advice and Chapter Three gives resources on where to find play partners (the internet!). Chapter Four discusses negotiations, levels in the power exchange (including unrealistic situations), and limits and has a sample negotiation questionnaire which has now become the standard.  Chapter Five delves deeper in the male/female roles and how men and women should connect with alternate aspects of themselves, ie: their anima and animus.  Chapter Six introduces the reader into various types of sensation, pain and edge play, whereas Chapter Seven and Eight are all about bondage.   Chapters Nine and Ten focus on percussion play and discipline, while Chapter Eleven deals with endorphins, pain as pleasure and sub-space.  Chapter Twelve talks about the more psychological elements of BDSM play such as verbal abuse, humiliation, and degradation.  The final Chapter gives you ideas on how to furnish your play space and the end of the book features a Glossary and several Appendixes with resources, many of which will be now obsolete.

Most of the sections are fairly comprehensive and most people, even advanced players will no doubt find useful information in it.  I especially enjoyed the part that described the Doms and subs you should avoid with monikers like: Divina Nolo Mentis, Autoerotico Fabula, Neandrathal Vulgaris, and Femme Desparata.  While these caricatures are tongue-in-cheek, it is amazing how you can find their likeness in “real” scene players so easily.  Another myth the authors discount is the 24/7 lifestyle Master/slave relationship which they say is too much pressure, unrealistic and unhealthy, and for the most part I’d have to agree.  I have rarely seen people live these roles constantly in a relationship and last very long.  Not to mention that relationships evolve and dynamics change.

So, there are some great pointers in this book, lots of useful info and plenty to read, if you can get past the POV, kitschy humor, and sometimes egotistical sexism.  And, don’t forget there are a lot of varying perspectives, so read other books on the subject, join your local BDSM group when you feel ready, and find a good mentor to help you learn the ropes.

Screw the Roses | BDSM | Sex Toys

Who doesn’t love Sue Johanson?  I grew up listening to the grandmotherly sexpert talk about every sexual taboo imaginable on CBC Radio, and later tuned into late night TV to watch her Sunday Night Sex Show.  Mostly, I tuned in to laugh, because she is quite a character and very funny.  But, I always learned quite a bit from her shows and perhaps because of her, aspired to study sexology and teach people about the positive aspects of their sexuality as well.

I was hoping Sue’s book “Sex, Sex, and More Sex” was going to teach me something new, and leave off where her shows ended.  The book doesn’t do that however.  It is more of a digest of all her Q & A’s on the shows, written down and explained, with a few resources.  This would be a valuable resource for someone who has never watched Sue’s shows, or for young people who don’t have all the answers.  But, I mainly found it repetitive as didn’t offer me anything new or unique.

The book is easily navigated by topic, put in alphabetical order, with a listing as well in the index.  Each topic has a Q & A format, which Sue answers.  Being a registered nurse, many of the topics pertain to STDs, Aids, celibacy, condoms and safety, which is great.  Sue also demystifies many subjects, which, in her day were much more taboo than they are now such as anal sex, bondage and discipline, abortion, hairiness and vaginal farts. (Well, maybe vagina farts didn’t need to be demystified?)  Sue’s focus is always on safety and health, be it physical, or mental.  She also addresses issues that aren’t necessarily sexual like Anorexia, battering and abuse, Osteoporosis, and body image issues.

The information provided in this book is very useful, especially for teens who want the straight facts and I would recommend it for anyone’s daughter, son, niece, nephew, or grandchild who is becoming curious about their own sexuality and asking questions.  Much of what you will find in the book is the type of info that you’d get from places like Planned Parenthood.  Some of it is a bit dated, and I wonder if Sue has ever used some of the toys she recommends, but overall, useful and accurate information.

I guess I was disappointed in the book because I am no longer a teenager, so much of the information I already know.  And, also, the book cannot capture Sue’s witty, no-nonsense personality that she portrayed on her shows, which was one of the best things about watching them.

Obviously, the intended audience is not myself, or other savvy sexperts, but young people who want to know more about sex but are afraid to ask.  I do highly recommend this book for teens and for parents who don’t quite know all the answers either, or aren’t sure how to approach the subject with their kids.

Sex, Sex, and More Sex | Sex Toys | Anal Toys

“Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino is an enlightening and thought-provoking book that explores the diverse aspects of nonmonogamous relationships from solo polyamory, to partnered nonmonogamy, to triangles and groups.  The book features a wealth of information from stats to brief histories of polyamory in the U.S., as well as Taormino’s own research on the subject where she interviewed over 100 people living in open relationships over the past ten years.

The Guide begins by relating the history of polyamory, as well as breaking the myths of monogamy and traditional relationships, why you might want to choose a nonmonogamous lifestyle and what makes nonmonogamy work.  Section 2 looks at the many styles or models of nonmonogamous relationships and Section 3 talks about creating and sustaining relationships.  There is also a resource guide at the end which lists books, organizations and websites for further information.

Throughout the book Taormino uses checklists and practical advice for the reader which she says can be used like a roadmap to navigate your own way through the different styles and create your own model based on you and your partner(s) needs, desires, and unique situation(s).  Like any emotional or sexual relationship, polyamorous relationships have unique problems, potential issues and conflicts that arise that are common to open relationships.  Taormino deals with each of these giving practical advice and coping strategies including: jealousy, fear of abandonment, time management, negotiating boundaries, violating agreements, new desire, coping with change, safer sex as well as legal issues.

The highlight of the book is the real life experiences Taormino uses with quotes, stories and advice from a diverse group of people who share their desires, fears, challenges, solutions, successes and failures with the reader to provide meaningful context.  This book is really a thoughtful and comprehensive guide on open relationships of all kinds, leaving no stone unturned.  Enlightening, inspirational, and practical, this book is for anyone interested in or already living in responsible nonmonogamous relationships.

You can purchase “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino at Babeland.

Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: The Key to Enriching Your Sexual Life
by Mark A. Michaels (Author), Patricia Johnson (Author), Tristan Taormino (Foreword)

Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is an instructional book that focuses on the erotic possibilities of  Tantric Sex, written by life partners Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, a “devoted married couple who have been teaching Tantra and Kriya yoga together since 1999″ .  Unlike many other books I have read on the subject of Tantra, this book teaches the spiritual quest for enlightenment in its most ancient form, rather than the watered-down versions you normally see for Western culture.  This doesn’t mean that the book is overly esoteric or the concepts difficult to grasp, as Michaels and Johnson explain the aspects of Tantra in the most elementary terms.  It is however, a healthy tome, with a wealth of information on sexuality, sexual spirituality, pleasure, desire, meditation, energy, bliss, transformation and union: basically everything your need to begin your Tantric journey as a novice, or expand upon the teachings you have already learned as an experienced practitioner.  In other words, this is not a quick study guide.  In fact, it has taken me many weeks to read from cover to cover, a rewarding experience that was well worth every word.  The authors actually recommend using the book by reading one chapter per week and then practicing what you have learned, which is the best way to approach this book.

The text features a foreword by Tristan Taormino, fifty-two exercises to do yourself solo or with your partner, multiple illustrations and photographs of Michaels and Johnson showing the various positions, as well as a complete glossary to help you understand all the terminology.  It is also written to be inclusive to all genders and sexual persuasions.

What is best about this book is that the authors use many of their own experiences as a practical guide to inform the reader and guide you on your spiritual quest of sexual enlightenment and pleasure.  It covers all aspects of sexual spirituality and has information both valuable to novices and those already knowledgeable in the art of Tantra.

“Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is a book for those who want to get a taste of Tantric sexuality firsthand, for those who wish to understand their own sexuality more deeply, enhance the sexual component of their relationships, or explore some simple meditation techniques that embrace sexuality as a tool for spiritual growth…  At the same time, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is not solely for beginners, since it explores both the theoretical and practical aspects of Tantra in some depth and includes exercises that even readers who are familiar with contemporary Tantra and Neo-Tantra should find both challenging and original…  We focus on consciousness, an experimental attitude, and, above all, pleasure…” –From the Introduction of the book.

This is certainly one of the best and most thorough books I have read on  Tantra, which is sure to help anyone interested in these topics enhance their sexual pleasure and intimacy together, as well as guide them on the path to their own sexual and spiritual awakening.

You can purchase Tantra for Erotic Empowerment at Amazon.com.  Thank you to the authors for allowing me the pleasure to review their book and to Viviane for suggesting it to me.

“The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance” is an instruction handbook by Mistress Lorelei, published by Greenery Press. Its focus is on heterosexual female dominance, but much of the information can be adapted to other gender play scenarios. Written by Lorelei, an experienced lifestyle Dominatrix and feminist, it provides information to women “at all levels of the art”.

In Part One: Becoming a Mistress, Lorelei talks about how expressing one’s female dominance is liberating within the constraints of patriarchal culture, by transforming the power exchange and defying the prescribed gender roles. She also encourages women (and men) to embrace their “shadow selves”, the sides that are denied them in everyday life, but ones they can experience through fantasy. According to the author, the submissive is able to experience an emotional catharsis, by letting go and enjoying a sense of freedom.

Part Two: The Mistress in Action discusses practical ways to assert one’s dominance, the art of discipline and the skills one needs to become a successful Domme. Some of the tools the author examines includes using suspense (mystery and anticipation) and variation to create a compelling scene fantasy, creating a set, using costumes and props, choreographing a scene, punishment as a form of pleasure and release, as well as rewards and aftercare. She also provides plenty of information on various techniques including spanking and flagellation, bondage, humiliation and forms of control.

In Part Three: The Five Archetypal Fantasies, Lorelei introduces the main role playing models: Nursemaid, Governess, Queen, Amazon and Goddess and what part these play in fulfilling fantasies. The following chapters then go on to explain these roles in depth with examples and suggestions. The book also includes an afterword with “Ten Rules for a Successful Mistress” which is a visual summary of the lessons learned within.

The Mistress Manual has a wealth of information, much more than can be covered in a short review. It is well written, with an emphasis on the psychological as well as the physical aspects of D/s. It is an excellent read that has plenty to offer for both novices and seasoned pros.

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance

is available on Amazon.com

How to Be a Dominant Diva
by Georgia Payne and Julie Taylor

Ok, so who doesn’t want to be a Dominant Diva once in a while?  Even if you are submissive by nature, or like your partner to be the one in control, sometimes it is thrilling, fun, and empowering to switch the power exchange and bring a bit of unexpected excitement into a relationship.  This is what “How to Be a Dominant Diva” is all about.

This book is tremendously different than what I was expecting.  First, I thought by the title that it was a book that focused on D/s play.  And, while there is some spanking, bondage and blindfolding scenarios in the book, it is marketed towards vanilla heterosexual couples.  Second, I thought it might be one of those lame books that gives you stupid ideas and quotes on every page, like: “Tonight, try a blindfold!” or “Flavored lubes are a great way to spice up oral sex!”  But, this book is actually way deeper and more interesting than that.

First of all, the book is written by two fairly qualified Divas.  Julie Taylor is a writer for Cosmopolitan and Glamour and “has written over 100 sex and relationship features for major magazines”.  Georgia Payne is “one of America’s most prominent dominatrixes with a large clientele in both Los Angeles and New York.”  Both these women are long time friends and have put their ideas and experience together in creating this book, with 69 sexy scenarios you can use with your partner to add a bit of spontaneity and exhilaration into an otherwise “ordinary” love life.

I was actually impressed with the thought put into creating these erotic adventures, such as “Naughty Nurse,” “Treasure Hunt,” “Driving Miss Diva,” “Naked Sushi,” “Abduction Seduction,” and “Caught and Cuffed.”  Each scenario has a front page, then a pull out action plan to guide you through each encounter, detailing the props you will need to carry out your seductive quest.  The following is an excerpt from the book, courtesy of DominantDiva.com “Meet me at Halftime”.

There are a lot of inspiring ideas that will certainly give some fuel to your fire and get your partner’s motor running as well.  Each adventure uses the element of suspense and surprise to entice and seduce, which are techniques that many of us forget in our day-to-day lives.  Many are played out like games or scavengers hunts, in which your lover wins sex as the prize.  These sexual explorations are not just simple rolls in the hay but ideas that will turn each exploit into a sizzling “sexperience” and night to remember.

This book is a great activity book for those seeking ways to add more pleasure and excitement to their love life.  It’s a keeper and will give you lots of food for fodder to create your own unique sexcapades as well.

You can buy “How to Be a Dominant Diva” at Tabu Toys

and while there get some great sex toys to let the games begin!

The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
Photography by Craig Morey
Publisher Greenery Press (2001)
175 pages, Softcover.

A few years ago (2005) I was lucky enough to take a bondage workshop with Midori: “Intro to Japanese and other Creative Rope Bondage Essentials” in Halifax at Venus Envy, one of the local sex shops.  It was one of two workshops I took with her and was an amazing experience.  Midori-only a small woman in stature-has a powerful and dynamic charisma; cool and collected with an authoritative presence that demands people sit back and take notice.

A friend of mine Kate volunteered to be Midori’s guinea-pig.  Kate is quite a bit taller than Midori, very butch and buff.  Although quite submissive, Kate plays mostly as a dominant as she doesn’t find too many Dom/mes who can handle her.  I was interested in seeing what Midori would do with her.

First Midori stood before Kate and the audience dressed in a gorgeous sea foam and silver Asian-style dress, slowly unraveling a long piece of hemp rope and running it through her fingers as she stared Kate down.  The room was completely silent, except for a few uncomfortable giggles that were soon silenced by Midori’s schoolmarm stare, as Kate stood blushing profusely.  In “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage“,  Midori explains this technique in detail in her “Analysis of a Scene”: “While effectively setting the tone and head space for the dominant, the visual effect of the top methodically stroking the ropes may be quite profound on the bottom…  Many different moods and attitudes might be presented… powerful and slightly intimidating… playful, humiliating…”  Of course, running the ropes through the hands at the beginning of the scene has many other practical uses as well such as untangling the rope, finding debris, and ridding the rope of its “bad habits.”

Next, Midori began to rub the rope over Kate’s body and head.  She held the rope up to Kate’s nose to allow her to smell it like an aromatic aphrodisiac.  Midori explains in her book the strong connection that many bottoms will make with the scent of the rope, associating it “with the sensual, sexual and magical experience of wonderful rope bondage scenes.”  This technique was obviously effective on Kate as she nearly swooned and leaned against Midori who took her weight.

Midori then made a rope blindfold to remove Kate’s sight and place her more into the scene, effectively blocking the audience from her view.  While Kate knew she was still on display, she quickly fell into the grove of Midori’s quick, clever hands working magic on her body.  Midori spun Kate around as she skillfully tied knots, moving the larger woman to her will, sometimes holding her a little off-balance, and then capturing her again within her strong embrace.  In her book, Midori says that the top should make the bottom move to their whim using “firm decisive moves, sometimes punctuated by a quick change in pace… to emphasize the emotional dominance and control the top has over the scene…”  She also calls this to tie with “gusto” where her rhythmic handiwork would suddenly change to a quick yank as she synched the knots which would rouse a sharp intake of breath and sigh from Kate.

Reading “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” was almost like being at Midori’s workshop once again, where rather than teaching the technical aspects of knot-work (Midori only showed us three knots), she demonstrates the dynamics of the scene itself.  In the book Midori talks about her personal history with rope bondage, the visual aesthetics of shibari including symmetry, tension, and balance, as well as introduces the reader to a brief history of Japanese bondage.  She covers safety elements and aftercare as well as explains the various types of rope and what they are best suited for.

The final section of the book shows seven classic positions with photographs by Craig Morey and simple diagrams, focusing on the techniques and knot-work.  Most of the techniques are fairly easy to follow, although some of them can get confusing, especially when a few illustrative steps are missed.  I would have preferred the images to be more step-by-step and photographed rather than line drawings.  As mentioned before, Midori doesn’t focus on difficult knots, but only shows a few basic ties, as she did in her workshop.  Her focus is not on technical skills but rather showing how bondage can be accomplished by a novice.  Any boy scout can learn to tie intricate knots and there are many books on that, but very few people can show effectively the dynamics of a scene like Midori can, that left my friend Kate a pile of wet, hot, quivering mush afterward.

If you haven’t had a chance to see one of Midori’s excellent bondage workshops I highly recommend this book.  It is a great introduction for beginners and I know many so-called “experts” in my BDSM community who would benefit from learning the dynamics of a scene as well.  For someone like me who has had the advantage of seeing Midori live, this book is a great reminder of all the techniques that are taught in her workshop (many that I had forgotten) and may inspire you to take up your rope again and begin practicing.

With the book that I received from Tabu Toys, I also got a length of Japanese Silk Love Rope (5 meters) to play with and practice my knots.  This rope comes in brilliant colors, is soft, yet strong and fairly easy to work with.  Together, “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” and the Japanese Silk Love Rope makes a great beginner’s rope kit to start playing with, and is also an excellent gift for your lover if you want to give them a subtle, yet effective hint.  You can purchase both items from Tabu Toys.

“Sex is a potent method for directing and releasing magical energies.  The sexual act unites the polarities that exist within us to create a strong of energy which can be used to transform consciousness.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Sex, Magick and Spirit by Bonnie L. Johnson and Peter L. Schuerman (Llewellyn Publications 1998) is a practical guide for those who want to explore the ancient mysteries of Sacred Sexuality.  Although it is an older book (1998) on tantra, it is not dated and the information is just as useful now as when I first got the book.  Of course, Tantra itself is an ancient practice, and Johnson and Schuerman’s book makes it accessible to modern-day readers.

Combining their knowledge and experience of Eastern Tantra and Western sex magic, Johnson and Schuerman offer easy to follow methods and techniques designed to explore the esoteric aspects of sexuality.  The book is written in a clear, precise language, including illustrations that demonstrate the various positions and exercises that make it even easier to understand.  It was created both for novice and experienced practitioners alike, with its simplicity and the wealth of information it offers the reader.  Anyone interested in exploring the sacred nature of sexuality will find this book a useful and inspiring resource.

“Sacred sex is a celebration of many things, but it is not merely celebratory. It is also a means of practicing magic, of transforming your consciousness in positive ways.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Inside, the authors describe how to arouse the powers within in order to reach new levels of consciousness, how to heighten sensuality and intimacy between you and your partner “including hands-on techniques for experiencing union with one’s partner and with the Divine on all levels” and how to achieve personal transformation by harnessing the mystical powers of sex magick.

The book continues to delve deeper into the mysteries to describe the collective unconsciousness (Divine Consciousness) and the four main Palaeolithic and Neolithic Archetypes for Relationships, explaining how they relate directly with aspects of ourselves.  Many other topics include the seven energy centers (Chakras) and how to balance the energies and polarities within us, yoga exercises, massage, Kegel (or sex) exercises, breathing, meditation and visualization.   It candidly explains different aspects of sexuality and relationships like masturbation, prolonging arousal, breathing and orgasm, the energetics of sex, sexual ethics, oral and anal sex, tuning into your partner sexually, charging the energy centers, and the Sexuality Rituals such as Sacred Marriage and Sacred Prostitution.

“There were two primary types of sacred prostitution: one‑time prostitution, and long‑term devotion to the goddess. One‑time prostitution was an initiation rite for women, in which a girl, upon reaching puberty, would go to the temple of the goddess (Ishtar or one of her counterparts) and sit outside, waiting for a stranger to make an offering to the goddess and then to deflower her.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Sex, Magic and Spirit is not only for those who practice Wicca, Yoga, Tantra or other Sacred Sexualities.  It is designed for those interested in experiencing greater intimacy, unity, balance, and metaphysical enlightenment with your partner and within yourself.

I personally found Sex, Magic and Spirit informative, well-written, enlightening and fascinating to read.  My partner and I enjoyed experimenting with the various techniques described in the book.  We both found the experience heightened our sensitivity to each others’ needs and brought greater awareness of our own.  I highly recommend this book for couples, individuals or pansexual groups who wish to delve deeper into their own sexual mysteries and awaken the God(dess) within.

Sex, Magic, and Spirit: Enlightenment Through Ecstacy is available through Amazon.com

“Best Sex Writing 2008” by Cleis Press, is compilation of twenty-one provocative personal essays, sex journalism, and sex blogging that all focus on that one “dirty” word: sex.  In her introduction, Rachel writes: “Sex. One little word, so much drama. One little word, so many interpretations, definitions, permutations.”  Sex may be the only thing that links these essays, for they are all written from an eclectic range of voices with unique perspectives, exploring a diverse range of topics from sexual culture, sex work, sex toys and health, gender identity, race and crime.

While all of the essays were provocative, revealing information on numerous topics I had not considered, some really grabbed my attention including Ashlea Halpern’s graphic “Battle of the Sexless.”  This edgy essay examines-with razor-sharp detail-the agonizing journey through voluntary (sometimes self) castration and eunuch culture.  It reveals what motivates men to go to such extreme measures to become genderless and rid themselves of their testosterone-producing overactive libidos.  Castration, for reasons other than oncological, is considered “taboo surgery” in the medical community; so many men who want to get “cut” must resort to the “subculture of underground cutters willing to perform guerrilla surgeries in motel rooms, at medical fetish clubs, and just over the Mexican border.”  Although this article may make you cringe, it is not written for its shock value alone, but is treated with compassion.  A must read.

Another very intriguing article was Trixie Fontaine in “Menstruation: Porn’s Last Taboo.”  Oddly enough, I could identify with this piece very much as my study of film and feminist art has centered around the “abject” and the “monstrous feminine” which analyzes the role of women in the horror genre and the fascination with the bleeding female body as seen as the all-devouring vagina or vagina dentata.  Fontaine explores the veiled eroticism in menstruation porn, and the obscenity laws and double standards in the porn industry that accepts some body secretions (semen) as acceptable, while others (like menstrual blood) are seen as obscene and offensive.

Kelly Rouba’s “Tough Love,” is a first-person account of sexual ecstasy and disability, as she describes the challenges and frustrations as well as joys and accomplishments she and others who have physical disabilities experience while trying to achieve a fulfilling sex life.  This was a great article and a topic that isn’t written about enough.  When we think of sex, we often think in terms of able-bodied people.  Rouba notes that, “When we broaden our concept of sex, then it’s more inclusive.”

“Surface Tensions” by Jen Cross, stood out because of the personal style and nature of the piece.  It is an intimate journal narrative written in stream-of-consciousness style that explores the author’s struggle to cope with her conflicting gender identity and how she is perceived by other queers in the lesbian community based on her “surface” appearance.  This essay was emotionally and creatively articulated, and as a reader I could almost feel the tensions and emotional scars that lay buried just beneath the surface like violin strings ready to snap.

Another one of my favorite essays was Greta Christina’s “Buying Obedience: My Visit to a Pro Submissive.”  This piece is a spellbinding glimpse into the world of sex work, when a former stripper desires to experience sex work from the other side, as a consumer who pays for a professional submissive.  Written in four parts, it explores the liaison from first conceptualization, to her fears and expectations and the encounter itself, then finally her analysis of it afterward.  The writing is sexually charged and riveting, and one feels as though they are a fly on the wall in the house of lust-created within the reader’s mind.

Sex bloggers Lux Nightmare and Melissa Gira’s “The Pink Ghetto: A Four Part Series” looks into the complex world of writing for sex and the stigmatization of having to deal with their “fringe identities.” They explain mainstream’s view that only sluts write about sex which leads to them getting “blackballed (pinkballed?) from any kind of ‘legitimate’ work”.

Finally, other interesting reads include “Dangerous Dildos,” Tristan Taormino’s investigation into the phthalate sex toy debate; and “Sex in Iran” by Pari Esfandiari and Richard Buskin that uncovers the sex and drugs culture of Islamic youth whose ideals clash with the fundamentalist authority.

Best Sex Writing 2008 is a must read for those who want to be intellectually stimulated by provocative essays that explore the edges of sexuality, and as Rachel notes at the end of her introduction: “[like] good sex should do: leave[s] you wanting more.”  Rachel Kramer Bussel certainly has her finger on the pulse of the world of sex writing.

Get Your Copy of Best Sex Writing 2008 at Amazon.com

….As it happens so often, the books she had to offer weren’t worth a damn. But seeing as how she seemed so relieved that they would be going to a worthy cause I said I would take them, about 100 books in all. From what I could tell at the time without unpacking all the boxes, most of the books were book club editions, hardbacks without jackets at that. I knew exactly what they were good for, but, again, I said I’d take them. I gave her $15 for the bunch (actually for her open, generous spirit), loaded the boxes in my truck, and left.

I have just unpacked the first box to see if it contained anything remotely interesting. Toward the bottom, one of the books, when I picked it up, had an unusual, top-heavy heft to it which, when I tilted it toward me, slid downward with an audible click. I opened the cover. This is what I found inside:

Update: I’ve now gone through all the boxes and looked at all the books and a surprising number of them have been hollowed out with Polaroids stashed inside. The women depicted are varied (ethnically and size-wise) and the pictures range from softcore to extreme hardcore. Some of the images are very bizarre, at times grotesque.

At this point I’m at a loss as to what I should do with this stuff.

Link

What: McNally Robinson’s Indie Press Series
Where: McNally Robinson NYC, 52 Prince St., NYC
Date & Time: Wed., June 6th 7:00 PM

Helen Boyd, author of She’s Not The Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband
Audacia Ray, author of Naked on the Internet: Hookups, Downloads, and Cashing In on Internet Sexploration
Jessica Valenti, author of Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters

Seal Press, founded in 1976, publishes “groundbreaking books that represent the diverse voices and interests of women,” and its authors have garnered awards across genres and boundaries. McNally Robinson is proud to host three of these authors for an evening of radical women.

Helen Boyd’s memoir She’s Not the Man I Married is the follow-up to her earlier work My Husband Betty, and chronicles the emotional and political issues raised when her transgender husband decides to physically become a woman.

Audacia Ray, editor of the sex worker magazine $pread and the porn blog Fleshbot.com, continues her exploration of women’s sexuality in Naked on the Internet.

And 28-year-old feminist scholar and writer Jessica Valenti outlines why feminism matters for a younger generation of women in Full Frontal Feminism. Join us for an evening of powerful and provoking women from Seal Press.

Remember that short story I posted, The Great Passover Rebellion of 1963 about working mothers who weren’t going to take it anymore?

Candy Korman, the author, wrote me to thank me for linking to her story. She also let me know that she is a finalist in Gather.com‘s First Chapters Writing competition. It’s kind of like the “American Idol” of book publishing. One novelist will win a publishing contract with Touchstone/Simon & Schuster, a $5,000 cash prize and promotion by Borders!

I’m posting this to encourage you to read her work, and to vote for her in this competition.

Her novel, Wendy and Alice, is a mystery set in contemporary New York and featuring a soon-to-retire FBI agent contemplating the next chapter of her life. Alice is at loose ends until Wendy, a little girl she rescued from kidnappers decades ago, reappears as a controversial photographer. Wendy’s work is targeted by a conservative family values organization and when the leader of that group is murdered she is the obvious suspect. Freedom of expression, sexuality and the definition of art are explored as passionate characters on both sides of the red/blue divide people this murder mystery.

You can read Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. Please read and vote on Chapter 3. Here’s a taste from Chapter 3:

Alice was less concerned with a child accidentally seeing a sexual image — they certainly saw enough nudes and near nudes in fashion magazines and movie ads — than she was with the likelihood that pedophiles would find Wendy Liddell’s work alluring. That held a real possibility of danger, but Alice wasn’t sure if banning images was a valid option. Once one started banning art, it was a classic, slippery slope toward censorship of all kinds.

According to the New York Times art reviewer, the photos were ” . . . poetic expressions of burgeoning sexuality that rode the fine line between innocence and knowledge.” Were such poetic images dangerous to children? Alice would not have permitted her own daughter to pose nude, nor would she have displayed books of nude children in her home, but that did not mean she harbored naiveté about childhood. Children did not suddenly wake from innocent slumbers and transform into sexual beings. They were, although certainly not old enough to consent to sexual activity and not physically mature enough to experience a full range of sexual feelings, on some level, sexual beings all along.

Little girls and their kissing games, little boys and their curiosity about bodies, roughhousing, staring, pointing, accidental touching, sneaking peeks at magazines, stealing into the ladies room and so much more that is part of the normal development, and natural curiosity of children. Add the peculiar interventions of parents, and other adults, and the sexual evolution of children gets distorted and accelerated. Alice recoiled in disgust at the baby beauty queen industry, which dressed little girls in Miss America gowns and makeup. But the miniature, sexualized adults in these contests were not creatures out of context, they were simply an extreme example of the clothes, hairstyles and mannerisms of ordinary children, who rushed ahead toward adulthood.

You need to be a registered member of gather.com and be logged on to the site before you vote. The site has *truly horrible* navigation, so please click on the links I’ve provided.

Candy mentioned that this book has come close to being published…repeatedly. One publisher held onto it for a year before turning it down, another held it for 6 months.

Comments aren’t necessary but Borders is giving $100 gift certificates to the most insightful comments in round 3 of the competition. Remember that the voting is done by clicking on the appropriate star. Voting ends Wednesday, May 16th.

Enjoy reading!

You can pre-order it from Amazon.com.

Here are her upcoming appearances:

June 2: C*lick Me netporn conference & European debut of The Bi Apple, at Paradiso in Amsterdam

June 4: SMUT reading, Galapagos Art Space, 8 pm at 70 North 6th street, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

June 5: Bluestockings Bookstore, 7 pm at 172 Allen Street, NYC

June 6: McNally Robinson Booksellers Seal Authors Event with Jessica Valenti
and Helen Boyd, 7 pm at 53 Prince St, NYC

June 7: Brookline Booksmith, 7 pm at 279 Harvard Street, Brookline, MA

June 11: Museum of Sex panel discussion with Lux Nightmare, Ellen Friedrichs, Madeline Glass and Marie Lyn Bernard, 7 pm at 233 5th Avenue, NYC

June 12: KGB Bar $pread celebrates Naked on the Internet, time TBA at 85 East 4th, NYC

July 10: Center for Sex and Culture, 7 pm at location TBA, San Francisco

July 11: Modern Times Bookstore, time TBA at 888 Valencia Street, San Francisco

July 14: Writers with Drinks, The Make-Out Room, 7 pm at 3225 22nd Street, San Francisco

I’m going to try to make as many of the NYC appearances as I can.

Friends, fellow bloggers, countrymen: lend me your eyes.

For after writing over forty pages worth of material this week, I’ve renounced my junior year and am now free as a jaybird to blog away! I’m finished like Britney Spears’ career, Don Imus’ reputation, and Katie Holmes’ sanity. It’s good to be back to blogs.

But first, some unfinished business. You see, in the midst of paper writing and hand wringing, I had scheduled myself a stop on the fabulous Rachel Kramer Bussel‘s kinky book tour for her new releases, the erotica story compilations He’s On Top: Erotic Stories of Male Dominance and Female Submission. (This coincides with the release of She’s On Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission).

Um, oops.

April is far behind us, it’s true, but I think this He’s On Top review will serve as a deliciously erotic mea culpa.

“Dominant men get a bad rap in our society,” begins RKB in He’s On Top, and boy, is Kramer Bussel ever spot on! Although hot sex abounds between male tops and female bottoms, there is nary a good story out there that doesn’t equate male dominance with some antiquated spaghetti Western version of masculinity, or female submission with the Stepford-esque compliance of a brainless bimbo.

Thankfully, the artful stories in this compilation dispel any fears that He’s On Top will be some sort of misogyny fest before you can say “nipple clamps.” Consider this passage from “On The Twelfth Day,” a story in the compilation from Andrea Dale:

“For twelve days, I promised you gifts,” he said. “And for twelve days, you promised to accept them.”

She put her hand to her throat. “Have I not…?”

“No,” he said quickly, taking both her hands in his. “You’ve been amazing. Perfect.”

He took a deep breath. “Our agreement was twelve days. On this, the twelfth day, this is the gift I give you: me. Everything I’ve shown you, everywhere I’ve tried to take you. Understand this — I will always love you, always be with you, no matter what you decide, no matter if you decide that what we’ve explored isn’t how you want to be.” …

“Her answer was simple. A sweet dazzling smile, before she bowed her head and held out her collar to him.”

Awww. Isn’t that sweet? Nora Ephron herself probably couldn’t make it sweeter.

Yet lest you think that Bussel’s put together some kind of Harlequin cheese fest, the depictions of loving, tender sex between considerate male tops and their female submissive is deeply intertwined with good ol’ raw sadomasochistic fucking. I particularly reveled at this cocksucking scene, which throws PC and propriety out the window:

“Your chest swells with the possibility of it, because you can do anything together. You can push her over the edge and catch her at the bottom, soft and safe in your arms. You can watch her dance and be inside her all at the same time, because you are the music she’s dancing to now, faster, and faster.

She cries out a response, but you know it’s the answer to another question, the one that matters more than anything. Because it’s the sweetest sound a man can hear, a woman you love coming around your cock, moaning, sobbing, sighing, and whispering that one magic word.

Yes.”

In a societal landscape which fears making too much out of the male top, this literary foray into his mind is an all-too-sparse treat in the world of erotica. With her thoughtful selections and clear enthusiasm for the subject matter, Bussel’s paean to the man on the “D” side of the D/s divide delivers.