What’s not to love about penetrating someone or being penetrated by someone with needles? Join Mistress Trish as she shares her enthusiasm for temporary piercing. Whether you are new to piercing or an experienced piercing top or bottom this class is for you. Trish will cover the basics of needle play as well as some of the more advanced ways to safely incorporate needles into your scenes.

Where: LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave)
Cost: $5/LSM members, $10/Non members

About Mistress Trish

When not being extraordinarily sweet and/or/but extraordinarily sadistic for kicks, Mistress Trish is a pro-Domme, a maker of Femme Domme porn, and a kink, relationship, and sexuality educator.

About Lesbian Sex Mafia

Founded in 1981 by Dorothy Allison and Jo Arnone, the Lesbian Sex Mafia (LSM) is the oldest continuously running women’s BDSM support and education groups in the country. We are located in New York City, with a membership primarily in the tri-state area of New York, New Jersey and Connecticut. However, we also have members along the East Coast, across the country and even in Europe!

LSM is a support and information group for all women 18 years of age or older, including transexual and intersexed women who live their daily lives as women and all female-born transgender people who feel they have a connection with and respect for the women’s community. And, who are interested in fantasy and role playing, bondage, discipline, S/M, fetishes, costumes, alternate gender identities and uninhibited sexual expression in a safe, sane, consensual and confidential way.

• BDSM’s Dirty Secret – The Real Risk of Kinky Sex by Midori | Sexis – I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not watching two people sharing an experience, but rather two strangers having separate thrills over one activity. The top feels satisfaction in displaying competence in a set of measurable standards (The ropes go on. The person goes up. They come down and they’re still in one piece), while the bottom gets to have a self-contained experience delivered by a competent technician. The human factor of the other person seems irrelevant in either case.
• James Franco is Directing a Documentary About Porn Site Kink.com Because He’s James Franco – indieWIRE -
• ‘Sex On Six Legs’: When Insects Go Wild : NPR – Everything you wanted to know about bug sex (but didn’t bother to ask) is explained in a new book by insect expert Marlene Zuk. Sex on Six Legs: Lessons on Life, Love and Language from the Insect World, describes a world of small — but surprisingly sophisticated — insect behavior.
• The Art of Rope Bottoming: Delano by Midori – Getting tied up isn’t for wimps. To bottom gloriously takes mad skills.
• The Creepy Naked Guy In The Dungeon | Maggie Mayhem Speaks -Today’s lesson: You are not a hypocrite for confronting Creepy Naked Guy

Wyatt Cenac describes the exquisite (read: masochistic) dance between reporters and the White House as he’s handcuffed in the Nixon boiler room. Via Selina Fire.

To be published by Cleis Press in fall 2011

Editor Sinclair Sexsmith is looking for hot, sexy, well-written stories about kinky sex between queer women, from bondage scenarios to power play to role play to sadism and masochism to sensation play for a new anthology of lesbian BDSM erotica. Looking for characters with a range of age, race, sexual experience, gender identity and gender expression: butch, femme, genderqueer, gender-non-conforming, dapper, and others will all be considered. Cis women, trans women, and genderqueer characters who identify with the lesbian community are welcome. Stories should have strong literary voice, characters, tension, and rising action. All characters must be over 18. Prose only will be considered, no comics, graphic stories, or poetry. For examples of what I am looking for, see Tristan Taormino’s collection Best Lesbian Bondage Erotica.

Deadline: January 1, 2011

How to submit: Send your story in a Times New Roman 12 point black font Word document (.doc) with pages numbered of 1,500 to 5,000 words to lesbianbdsmerotica@gmail.com. Double space the document and indent the first line of each paragraph. US grammar required. If you are using a pseudonym, provide your real name and be clear under which you would like to be published. Include your mailing address and a 50 words or less bio in the third person. Publisher has final approval over the manuscript.

About the editor: Sinclair Sexsmith runs the award-winning personal online writing project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at www.sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies, including the Best Lesbian Erotica series, Sometimes She Lets Me: Butch/Femme Erotica, and Visible: A Femmethology volume 2, Mr. Sexsmith also writes columns for online publications and facilitates workshops on sex, gender, and relationships. Find her full portfolio and schedule at www.mrsexsmith.com.

Tired of searching for the ultimate guide to your D/s or SM relationship?

Do you want to make your BDSM relationship the best it can be for you and your partners?

Join Marketplace author Laura Antoniou and internationally acclaimed educator Midori for a special weekend intensive designed for real people who enjoy power dynamics and D/s, who want to consciously create quality relationships that suit their personal hungers and needs in the context of the real world.

Learn about the many styles of relationships we enjoy and discover the hidden and vital aspects of your own special way. You will be guided through a special curriculum designed to clearly identify your value system, behavior preferences and relationship goals.

Participants will develop insights to help them get what they want in current and future relationships. This unique curriculum will provide the tools for each individual or relationship unit to create their own customized manual of effective protocol, rules, etiquettes and codes of conducts. The instructors work closely with each student through out each step.

This weekend will include lectures, group discussions and exercises, with time for reflection and time for pure fun.

While experience or current D/s relationship is not necessary, students must be prepared for hard but fulfilling work. Sincerity, willingness to communicate and full participation is required.

Open to anyone with an orientation or a strong interest for a relationship which includes some variation and expression of power exchange or dominance and submission. Any experience level welcome. The weekend is excellent for those in current relationship or domestic units of 2 or more people. It is also highly effective for those who are not currently in relationship but wish have clear visions, goals and structure in place for future relationships.

Class size will be strictly limited to allow for a unique quality experience emphasizing individualized attention.

Through the unique curriculum and its innovative tools, each individual or relationship unit will create their own customized manual of effective protocol, rules, etiquettes and codes of conduct.

Sponsored by North Bound Leather.  More information and registration link here.

= = = = = = = = = =
A note about the weekend from Laura Antoniou, author of the Marketplace series:

For almost 20 years, I have put my passion into teaching workshops aimed at the D/S community. I travel around the leather/SM/DS conventions and conferences and spend, at the most, 90 minutes to share what I know about complicated issues! What we do isn’t simple or easy and it sure can’t be compressed into 90 minutes.

With Passionate Bonds, participants get to bring their full attention and focus into an intimate setting where everything is about THEM. From the minute you settle in until the final session, it’s your identity, your relationship, your style, your taste, your values – your PASSION – that Midori and I want to find, identify and support.

From there, we can help you build the best way to live YOUR life. Not someone else’s way, not a fantasy, not some idealized, impossible to achieve image – but your honest, realistic and yes, romantic style of dominance & submission. From the little details about what to call each other to the big picture items like time management and planning for the future. In three days, you find out what is really important to you and how to best bring it into your life, with your current partner(s) or the next one.

You can spend your money on a new pair of leather pants or your time at a weekend watching dungeon play or fetish fashion. Or, you can make an investment in your relationships and values. If you are passionate about why you do this and want to know how to make your fantasy into reality, then this weekend is yours.

Laura

= = = = = = = = = =

A note from Midori about the weekend:

Laura and I are are thrilled about the upcoming weekend we’re co-facilitating. After years of into-the-wee-hours talks on the joys and pitfalls of real world D/s relationships, disparity in practical information, causes of D/s burnout, the need to address how to deal with real life challenges, our own D/s thrills and spills, we created and launched this last year.

We’ve created an experience where you can crystallize your vision and goals, create protocol that serves your style and relationship objective and discuss changes in that relationship. It’s not an easy process but we believe it’ll save you much heartache later. It’s made for both those already in and those who want to be in D/s relationships. We don’t teach the “one true way” – instead we strive to guide you to finding your authentic and fulfilling way.

This will be our pleasure!

Midori

I am excited to announce an upcoming weekend workshop with the well-known, S&M educators, Cleo Dubois and Eve Minax! They have been conducting “Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensives” in San Francisco for the past 8 years with enormous success. At the close of this Summer 2010, they are offering their weekend workshop for Dominant Women and Women who Switch in New York City for the first time!

I invite you to spend an intimate, hands-on weekend immersed in the magic of erotic energy exchange with these experienced and experiential BDSM educators. This workshop delves beyond the mere actions of kink play and guides you to explore the inner connections of the art of S&M that you have within yourself and with your play partner. Fully embrace your Dominant Archetypes, subtle psychological turn ons and power, increase your skills, your confidence, and communication and understanding of your play. Read testimonials from past participants HERE.

The weekend starts Friday eve with a Meet & Greet of the other students and your instructors. Saturday and Sunday are structured with learning skills, putting them into hands on practice, with processing and sharing with each segment. These are full days, running fro, 11am-7pm with lunch breaks. (Food will be provided, vegetarian options available). You will be given a comprehensive work book for you to keep as reference.

The weekend concludes with a ritual and private play party.

Single participants and couples are both welcome. If you plan to take the class as a single, we will provide you with a demo-bottom for you to practice your hands-on play skills. The demo-bottom will be selected depending on your gender preference.

Single fee: $700
Couples fee: $1000

The workshop and play party are held at Glint Studio, Yin’s fully equipped S&M Dojo, located in the financial district of Manhattan,(easily accessible by all subway lines). Exact location will be provided upon confirmation and deposit.

Please email the application you will find on to CleoDubois@sm-arts.com and to Yin at MistressYin@gmail.com.

Please feel free to email either Cleo or Yin for more information.

For more details about Cleo and Minax ‘s Intensives go to http://www.sm-arts.com/intensives/women.html

Connect with heat, sex, and spirit!

Happy Spring,

Mistress Yin

Mollena Williams. Photo by Colm McCarthy

NYC is lucky this week, because my friend, West Coast based kinkster and educator Mollena Williams, is in town. These are workshops you’d otherwise have to travel to national conferences to see, so take advantage of her presence here, and go!

Here’s her schedule:

Tuesday, March 16
TES Presents: RACE: The Final Frontier”

The idea of playing into stereotypes and bigotry, of doing scenes that recall horrors from the darkest moments of history is, in many folk’s opinion, best left alone. But…for those who are drawn to explore deeper crevasses of our psyche, the desire to explore that taboo can be compelling. Even if you’re not desirous of acting on these fantasies, taking charge of them and letting go of guilt can be an amazing release. Should you decide to act on these fantasies, you’ll get tips on how to approach this edgeplay, what to do if things do not fall out as planned and the pros and cons of doing these scenes in public venues. Expect the unexpected and prepare to surprise yourself.
http://fetlife.com/events/14083

Thurs., Mar. 18
BDSM Night at In the Flesh

Get kinky with memoir writers, BDSM educators, erotica authors, a porn star, and more at In The Flesh. Featuring Melissa Febos (author of dominatrix memoir Whip Smart), blogger Selina Fire (Pleasure Salon), rope bondage expert Monk (Twistedmonk.com), Julie Powell (author of Cleaving and Julie and Julia), erotica writer Xan West (contributor, Best SM Erotica 3), Mollena Williams (author, “BDSM and Playing with Race” in Best Sex Writing 2010, BDSM educator Lolita Wolf (LeatherYenta.com) and feminist porn star Madison Young (MadisonBound.com). Note: Both floors of Happy Ending will be opened for this event.
http://fetlife.com/events/11598

Friday, Mar. 19
LSM presents: Taboo Play, and Working Through Extremes

If you have ever had a scene that lured you with the promise of edgy intensity, but wondered if you could handle the situation before, during or afterward, this discussion is for you! We will explore the reasons some people enjoy play that is VERY edgy psychologically, emotionally and physically, and how you can go about making that fantasy a reality. Inherent in this discussion is the level of responsibility of both / all partners, how to manage risk, and how you can support your partner in the aftermath. Edgy play can be hot, and we will look at ways to avoid some common pitfalls, as well as how to recover with grace and honor when things go off of the planned path.
http://bit.ly/91f2gk

Sunday, Mar. 21
Instigate NYC: Strong Slaves, Bodacious Bottoms & Ass-Kicking Submissives: Embracing Dichotomy

Self-identification is difficult for anyone in the alternative lifestyle. It can be even more challenging for people who see themselves as strong in their lives but desirous of submission. There is a great deal of pressure in the BDSM community to “seem submissive,” so what do you do when you see yourself as strong and fierce and yet crave mastery and domination? Believe me, you are not alone. There are many submissives and bottoms and slaves who are strong and independent and finding their way through the maze of the Kink Community! This class is an intense discussion of self-assessment personal identification, passion and power. From those who struggle with their desire to submit, to those who strive for greater strength of purpose, this class will be a wonderful opportunity to bond with the likeminded and suss out your strength in an open setting. And for tops, dominants and masters, this is an excellent opportunity to get into the mind of those who are strong and embrace the dichotomy of strength in submission and freedom in slavery!
http://fetlife.com/events/14295

This sexual roundelay about power and powerlessness, about the imagination butting up against so-called “reality,” is played out by two contemporary characters. As it begins, we sit facing Thomas (Wes Bentley), a playwright who has written an adaptation of “Venus in Furs.” He’s in a rehearsal studio—a grayish, minimal, anonymous space with fluorescent track lighting. He is talking on the phone to his fiancée, at the end of a long day of auditions for his play; he wants to get home. We can hear thunder and rain outside. But no sooner has Thomas put down the phone than Vanda (the phenomenal Nina Arianda) enters, dressed in a trenchcoat and carrying a broken umbrella. Vanda is like the weather: a force of nature that drenches whoever gets caught up in its sway. She wants to know if she can audition for Thomas. He tries to brush her off, but the brassy Vanda sets about to convince him that she’s the only woman who can play the part. Sometimes she throws him a compliment; sometimes she tries to appear helpless, which she is not at all. She’s simply testing Thomas’s “maleness”—that is, his desire to be counted on, to be admired, to be “Daddy.” Would he like her to wear a white dress for the audition? she asks. (Thomas is too shocked or timid to mention the bondage-like gear that Vanda has on under her coat when she arrives.) Donning the white dress, she asks is it “real 1870”? She wants to know what kind of accent she should use to play Wanda, the dominating woman whom Severin eventually meets at the spa. When Thomas still doesn’t know how to respond, Vanda just does her thing. And, as soon as she starts to read, she’s no longer Vanda but Wanda, a measured woman with impeccable Continental diction. The transformation is subtle and not so subtle—acting is Vanda’s bag, and it becomes ours, too, as we watch Thomas become more and more powerless in the presence of her unconquerable vitality, her seductive energy.

-Hilton Als, writing in the New Yorker

I ventured out in during the snow day to see it, and it was totally worth the messy trip.  CSC is a small theater and this play is performed in 90 minutes with no intermission. The chemistry and power exchange that develops between the actors, both in the play and the play-within-a play, are riveting.. I’ve been telling everyone to see it. I found out from my pal Thor that the run has been extended until March 28rd. If you hunt around the internet, you may be able to get discounted tickets. If you’ve never read the book, you can find it at the Gutenberg Project.

Where: The LGBT Center at 203 West 13th Street between 7th and 8th Avenues

Cost: FREE FOR MEMBERS of LSM, TES and NYbol, only $5 for non members (special price in honor of Leather Stimulus Package)

Beyond simply an excuse to get off, a BDSM scene is an intimate performance where the directors and actors are also the audience. Join accomplished artist Nayland Blake, as he introduces a five step method for coming up with, planning and executing scenes based on the ways by which artists construct their peices. Learn how to articulate goals and wants for a scene, and how to get more out of your play in ways that engage your creativity.

This special workshop is open to all genders.

Nayland Blake is an artist and educator, an investigator and instigator. He has presented on kink related topics at TES and Leather Retreat, ImsL and GMSMA, and has taught and lectured on art at numerous colleges around the United States, including Harvard, Yale, UC Berkely and the Art institute of Chicago. He is the director of a masters program in photography.In 2004 he was named International Pipebear at Briar Bash.

Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex (2009)
Studio: Vivid
Director: Tristan Taormino
Cast: Adrianna Nicole, Christian XXX, Daniel Wylde, Derrick Pierce, Francesca Le, Julius Ceazher, Marco Banderas, Marie Luv, Mark Davis, Sasha Grey, Satine Phoenix

Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex is brutally sexy!  It has a very cool and simple premise: five hot vixens dream up their best “rough sex” fantasies and get to live them out on camera with their most desired stud porn hunks.  The idea itself is a wet dream come true, and when these sassy (or submissive) sex kittens team up with guys who like to play rough, the sparks begin to fly.

If you are into naughty role playing and hardcore, rough sex, this film is for you. They don’t fool around and there is plenty of face slapping, humiliation, degradation, whacking and general “man”-handling action going down. The sex is pretty rough and the fantasies are fairly common role-play scenarios that many women have. There are three fem-submissive scenes about being forced or taken like Adrianna Nicole’s intruder alert, Marie Luv’s punishment and Satine Phoenix’s stranded damsel meets dominant stranger.  Then, there are the divas that turn the tables on their fuck obsessions such as Francesca Lee’s femdomme supremacy and Sasha Grey’s switch play.  Each scene features a prelude interview of the female cast member as she talks about what’s hot and what’s not, and why “rough sex” makes her wet.

Scene 1- Adrianna and Marco

Adrianna longs for fantasy rape by an intruder who breaks into her apartment. Just as she gets out of the shower, Marco steals up behind her, grabs her, and then clasps a hand over her mouth warning her not to scream.  Adrianna’s eyes go wide with fear and this scene looks like it is going to be really hot.  He slaps her around a bit, chokes her, and then drags her into the bedroom like a dog on a leash.  After that, the scene kind-of looses it raw edge and the intensity in those first few seconds is really never captured again.  Sure, it’s rough, but there is something lacking, like my connection with the performers.  While they both seem genuine, I never really get into it and I find myself critiquing it rather than enjoying the scene for what it is.

Scene 2- Satine and Derrick

Whoa!  This scene is perhaps the best in the film.  So fucking hot, it sizzles and the chemistry between Satine and Derrick is tangible. Not to mention that Derrick is to die for (bald, alt and tattooed, with a rock-hard body) and Satine is a sultry little minx. Satine’s fantasy is getting stranded on a lost desert road, where she meets a “kindly stranger” who offers to stay with her until someone comes for her vehicle.  The sun is hot, the sand is dusty, they are sweating and flirting, and then things turn a bit dangerous.  Derrick realizes no-one is coming for a while and he can have his way with her.  There is a lot of foreplay which becomes increasingly rougher as he realizes, hey, she likes it.  He starts pushing her around, groping her roughly, pulling her hair and smacking her face and tits and you can tell that Satine is getting so turned on and juicy before he ever starts fucking her.  I can’t tell you how many times I watched this scene and came.  Definitely jilling off material! Rough sex, lots of unique positions on the vintage jeep, and crowned by a choking messy forced blowjob.  These two rock the screen with a riveting performance.

Scene 3 – Francesca and Christian

Christian is a magnificent brute of a man (again bald and sexy) and Francesca is a hot busty milf.  She’s a bit fed up with her husband ignoring her all the time, being the perfect housewife and all, and thinks it’s time for a little pay-back. And, pay-back’s a BITCH in stilettos and corset, with a nasty attitude and the will to dominate her much larger opponent. I like my brutes dominant and my bitches submissive, so for me this scene didn’t hold a lot of sexual pizzazz.  Although, Christian is adorable and so submissive for such a big boy it was interesting seeing him dominated.  Still, all the while she was crushing her tits and ass in his face, slapping him around, and spitting cum in his mouth (yuk!), I was wishing he’d grab her and give her a few smacks of her own.  I guess for me there was a problem with the believability factor.  I just didn’t believe she could dominate him in real life, and didn’t like the way she shrieked orders at him and brutalized him, when he was being such a good boy.  Not that I don’t think that he can be dominated, as he seemed to like it.  She just came across as a bit shrill and lacked authenticity. Still, I’m sure this is a fantasy that would appeal to many women and men who would find it hot.

Scene 4 – Marie and Julius

Marie wants to be punished for fucking around and treated like the slut she is.  The fantasy sounded great and I was all for it.  But, then the action starts happening, and there’s not much cussin’ and a fightin’ goin’ on here, and I’m like “Whoa, wait a minute?”  Why isn’t he calling her nasty names and treating her like a little tramp, whore, slut, which she obviously wants and deserves? Man, give me ten minutes with her and I’ll have her crying and begging for more.  Again, like the first scene there was no build-up, no sizzle, and it didn’t seem very rough to me, but maybe my finger pressed the fast forward button by mistake and I missed all the good stuff.  Nope. Don’t think so.  Weak scene, but too bad as it had potential.

Scene 5 – Sasha and Daniel

Okay, did I say that scene 2 was the best scene?  Maybe I lied.  To tell the truth, this scene is so hot that it rivals scene 2, and they both win best scene in my book.  Smokin’ Sasha wants to play switch in a power play scenario and who does she pick?—my all-time favorite male porn star, Daniel.  Daniel is known for his rough play style in many alt porn films, as much as for his playfulness.  Sasha picked him because she thought he would let her slap him around, which he does and seems to like it too.  They talk about what they’d like to do and Sasha defines her only limit—No tit slapping.  So, the pair get it on and right from the beginning it’s a power struggle but Daniel takes over and does his nasty choking and slapping number on her.  The scene has a series of peaks as it continually builds momentum, switching back and forth, while they get lost in the passion of each moment.  And, then, Daniel forgets and slaps Sasha’s tits, immediately cringing like dog about to be punished.  Sasha pins him on the pool table and Daniel starts apologizing profusely, and then they are snickering and laughing and back into the hot rough sex play.  This scene was not only hot but so much fun.  You can tell they are both getting off on it and are enjoying the ambiguity of working together for the first time.

Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex is overall a great porn if you like rough sex and some serious role-playing power exchange fantasies.  It is worth it just for scene 2 and 5 alone.  I applaud Tristan for giving the women in the film the chance to design their own scenarios and define what is rough and sexy to them.  The production quality is pretty good in most places although the sound was off a bit sometimes and some of the camera work looked a bit shaky.  The extras includes a Choking and Safety snippet with Penny Flame who teaches the proper way to choke to avoid injury which I thought was a very good idea, as no doubt a bunch of novices will see this film and want to start practicing without a clue.

Check out Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex at Babeland, where you can find many other films by Tristan and other cool women porn directors.

Viviane also posted the trailer to Rough Sex here.

Location: The LGBT Community Center, 208 West 13th St (7th/8th)
Cost: Sliding scale $5 – 0
Presenter:  Seraphin

Presented by Instigate NYC

You’re a Bottom. What does that mean? The answer to that question isn’t simple. Who you are as a bottom and what you want can only be defined by you. The possibilities are limitless. What turns you on? What terrifies you? What turns you on because it terrifies you? What qualities are you overlooking in yourself that help to make you a great bottom? Exploring/Examining your desires will help you identify what you want, need & how to pursue the dynamics, play & scenes that fit you. Are you brand new? Or, do you feel like you’ve seen & done it all? Thinking about what really does it for you & what makes you unique can kick start & give direction to your explorations. It can also help you to remember what it is about bottoming that turns you on in the first place. Come ready to think, learn, question & share.We’ll touch on topics including identity, physical do’s & don’ts, processing pain, edge play & situations such as – ‘when you thought it’d be hot, but its not’. It’s all about getting where you want to go& what to do once you get there.

New York’s only Queer/Trans Led, Anti Racist, Anti Classist, Pro Pervert BDSM/Sex/Kink Infoshare! Third Sundays!

Seraphin is a NYC based queer switch masochist & occasional sadist experienced in numerous permutations of bottoming. She has served as Programming Co-Chair for LSM and has been a member of TES, MAST & NCSF. She has co-presented, assisted and demoed alongside some of the best and brightest at events such as South Plains Leatherfest, Pacific Friction, TES Fest, Floating World, Boston Fetish Flea & Dark Odyssey. After years of contributing her bottoming perspective to numerous presentations and pushing the limits of extreme play publicly, she’s now most often found behind the scenes. Seraphin has served as a consultant for various media pieces on alternative sexuality and is co-founder of the LGBTQ booking agency, PhinLi Bookings.

“Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns” was not the first book I have ever read on BDSM.  When I first started getting interested in BDSM, the internet was my guide, some of it useful, some of it ridiculous, everyone had an opinion.  I then read “Different Loving” and “Sensuous Magic”, both excellent books relating to power exchange, the first being a series of “case studies” of real lifestylers by Brame, Brame and Jacobs, and the second a more subjective, yet open look into the BDSM lifestyle by sex radical, educator and writer Patrick Califia.

“Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism” by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon is very subjective, written by a male dominant and submissive female couple and first published in 1995.  It has been hailed as the go-to guide into power exchange relationships and even the BDSM bible.  Today, the book is fairly dated as both the images and the text will attest, yet there is still a lot of relevant information inside.  It is written in first person as both Phillip and Molly write various parts of each section, each relating it to their personal experience and power dynamic.  The tone is friendly and tries to use humor quite a bit which tends to be a bit kitschy at times. The book is also a bit sexist, as Phillip seems to have his own ideas of male and female roles, including sections entitled: “Phillip’s Treehouse—No Girls Allowed” and “Molly’s Quilting Bee,” in which only the males or females in each relationship are supposed to read each part.  No doubt these dynamics work well for this couple and many others, but I found the tone, the sexism and the sometimes tasteless humor to be sometimes off-putting and found myself rolling my eyes a lot while reading it.

Having said that, this is a good introductory book for those searching to learn the basics of BDSM relationships, but it is by no means the BDSM bible.  It does teach many different aspects of the power exchange relationship, but bear in mind that it is subjective so to get a full education, read many books on the subject, learn from your own personal experiences and get a mentor if you can and come to your own conclusions.

What you will learn in Screw the Roses

Page from Screw the Roses

Chapter One defines the BSDM terms and roles, which is fairly basic, yet sometimes confusing.  It states the difference between a Top/bottom and Dom/sub and the interchangeability of these roles.  Chapter Two talks about communication and trust as well as the psychological aspects of a relationship, all practical advice and Chapter Three gives resources on where to find play partners (the internet!). Chapter Four discusses negotiations, levels in the power exchange (including unrealistic situations), and limits and has a sample negotiation questionnaire which has now become the standard.  Chapter Five delves deeper in the male/female roles and how men and women should connect with alternate aspects of themselves, ie: their anima and animus.  Chapter Six introduces the reader into various types of sensation, pain and edge play, whereas Chapter Seven and Eight are all about bondage.   Chapters Nine and Ten focus on percussion play and discipline, while Chapter Eleven deals with endorphins, pain as pleasure and sub-space.  Chapter Twelve talks about the more psychological elements of BDSM play such as verbal abuse, humiliation, and degradation.  The final Chapter gives you ideas on how to furnish your play space and the end of the book features a Glossary and several Appendixes with resources, many of which will be now obsolete.

Most of the sections are fairly comprehensive and most people, even advanced players will no doubt find useful information in it.  I especially enjoyed the part that described the Doms and subs you should avoid with monikers like: Divina Nolo Mentis, Autoerotico Fabula, Neandrathal Vulgaris, and Femme Desparata.  While these caricatures are tongue-in-cheek, it is amazing how you can find their likeness in “real” scene players so easily.  Another myth the authors discount is the 24/7 lifestyle Master/slave relationship which they say is too much pressure, unrealistic and unhealthy, and for the most part I’d have to agree.  I have rarely seen people live these roles constantly in a relationship and last very long.  Not to mention that relationships evolve and dynamics change.

So, there are some great pointers in this book, lots of useful info and plenty to read, if you can get past the POV, kitschy humor, and sometimes egotistical sexism.  And, don’t forget there are a lot of varying perspectives, so read other books on the subject, join your local BDSM group when you feel ready, and find a good mentor to help you learn the ropes.

Screw the Roses | BDSM | Sex Toys

The art of fire cupping began in many ancient cultures as a traditional therapy to treat various ailments by creating a vacuum next to the skin.  “The earliest use of cupping that is recorded is from the famous Taoist alchemist and herbalist, Ge Hong (281-341 A.D.).  The method was described in his book A Handbook of Prescriptions for Emergencies, in which the cups were actually animal horns, used for draining pustules.  As a result of using horns, cupping has been known as jiaofa, or the horn technique.”-Cupping by Subhuti Dharmananda, Ph.D.  In China, it was used as a type of acupressure to relieve respiratory diseases such as the common cold, pneumonia, and bronchitis. Cupping is also said to be good for treatment of back, neck and shoulder pain.

It does, however, have another purpose.  It is used in bdsm as a type fire / sensation play, and can be used for other sexual purposes as well by applying the heated cups to the genitals or breasts.  It also falls under the heading of Medical Fetish.  Unless overheated or left on too long, fire cupping is usually not painful.  The sensation the cups make when applied is like a soft vacuum sucking the skin, much like someone giving you a hickey that builds in intensity the longer the cups are left on.  In traditional fire cupping for treatment, the cups are left on for about one minute, but during bdsm, they can be left on much longer, until the sensation becomes too intense (max 30 minutes).  Often, the cups will leave circular red bruises or hickey marks when removed which slowly fade away.

I have wanted to experiment with cupping sets for a long time and have always been fascinated by them.  This 3 Piece Fire Cupping Set (3 pieces: small, medium and large) is compliments of Extreme Restraints who indulged my desire to learn and play.

Word of Caution:  Fire Cupping can be extremely dangerous because you are playing with fire (obviously).  I burned myself several times trying different methods, until I figured the safest way to do it.  The alcohol method is the most dangerous, but also the most effective.

Rubbing Alcohol Method

As mentioned, this method is the most dangerous, but does create an effective vacuum if you don’t burn yourself first or splash flaming alcohol on yourself or your play partner.  Not fun, and really scary.  So be very careful and play safe!

What You Will Need

• Glass Fire Cupping Set
• Bottle of Rubbing Alcohol
• Cotton Balls
• Forceps
• Barbecue Lighter
• Silicone Lubricant
• A Pail of Water for Safety

Massage lubricant into the area of the skin you will be cupping to get a better seal against your partner’s flesh.  This will also make the cups easier to remove and move around on the surface of the skin.

Hold a cotton ball with the forceps and soak it with alcohol.  Try not to soak it too much as you don’t want excess or dripping.  Next, use a barbecue lighter to light the cotton ball and hold it inside the cup to warm the inside air (not the cup itself) and then quickly place on the skin, open face down.  You will immediately see the skin pulling inside the cup.  The more the cup cools, the more the skin will be sucked up inside and the more intense the sensation.  Be careful not to get the alcohol on the cup itself, especially the top rim or the outside as this may cause the whole cup to catch on fire and burn you or your partner.

Candle Method

What You Will Need

• Everything Above except for the Rubbing Alcohol and Cotton Balls
• A Tall Candle

With this method you just light the candle and hold it under the open cups until the air inside heats up (10 seconds).  I didn’t find that this method created as much suction, but it was much less dangerous.  It also tended to blacken the tops of the cups, or heat the glass too much, rather than just the air.

Leave cups on the skin for the desired amount of time (until sensation becomes too intense), but no more than 30 minutes.  Once on, you can leave the cups in place or slowly move them around the skin if you have put on sufficient lubricant.  Silicone lubricant works best for this purpose because it stays very slippery.  Remove cups by pressing the skin near the rim to allow air to enter the cup and break the seal.  Gently remove.

I did this to my mother actually, as she volunteered to be my guinea pig.  She has fibromyalgia and often experiences muscle pain.  She loved the warmth and the sensation of the cupping on her back.  We left the cups on for about 15 minutes and she had slightly red circles on her back which didn’t hurt.  She also said it made her back muscles feel much better afterwards.  I also tried one on my breast over the nipple and really enjoyed the suction that was created, very erotic.  There seems to be many possibilities of how you could use these cups for various types of sensation and arousal, as much as your perverted mind can think up.

Thank you to Extreme Restraints for allowing me to review their 3 Piece Cupping Set.  It was definitely a learning experience and something I will enjoy doing again and again.  Practice makes perfect!

Dark Odyssey:  Leather Retreat
Northern Maryland
June 24-29, 2009

Psst- Readers of my blog get a $25.00 discount.

Don’t miss your chance to come play at Dark Odyssey: Leather Retreat, June 24-29, 2009. Each year we bring together up to 350 kinksters of all genders, sexual orientations, and perversions for a full immersion experience in human sexuality, spirituality and BDSM at a private, all-adult retreat facility in Northern Maryland.

Spend an extended weekend lounging by the pool, playing in the Dungeons or getting down in Sex-O-Rama. Try a “treatment” at the Pamporium, be kidnapped by our “fantasy realization committee” or participate in one of our daily special events like Lucky’s Champagne Club, Caligula’s Slave Auction, or the Extrematorium. Watch a session of Kink.com’s “Hogtied” being shot on location and possibly even be part of a Kink.com “Casting Couch” shoot!

This year’s hands-on workshop presenters include Fifth Angel, Lolita Wolf, Lee Harrington, Lochai, Janice Stine, International Ms. Bootblack Min’s Pony, Nayland Blake, Sarah Sloane, Jim & Jerith, Klawdya Rothchild, Marcus and many more teaching a wide variety of classes including: Bootblacking 101, Spiritualty & BDSM, Fear Play, Cigar Play, Bondage Basics & Beyond, Suspension with Rope, Press Here for More Options: G-Spot Play for Fun and Ejaculation and more…

Visit http://www.darkodyssey.com for full details and online registration.

And, now for something completely different!  I have been inspired by Red from the Red Sneaker Diaries to try out some electro-stimulation type sex toys.  She has been doing a series of reviews on erotic E-Stim toys and has become what I consider the Queen of E-stim toys.  Previously, I’ve been a bit wary of trying electrostimulation.  Okay, I’m a chicken actually.  Although I consider myself somewhat of a masochist in that I’m heavily tattooed, love piercings and play piercings as well as heavy breast torture (okay now you know my perverted pleasures), there are some types of sensations that I despise.

A couple of years ago I got a nasty shock from a Violet (violent) Wand.  It was my own fault because of the way I was holding it and I touched a part that I wasn’t supposed to and a jolt of electricity shot right up my arm.  I thought I was going to go into cardiac arrest.  Seriously though, no damage was done and I was more embarrassed than anything.  So, I guess I’ve been shying away from electricity ever since.

But, curiosity killed the cat, so here I am about to blast myself into orgasm or intense shock.  I just started reviewing products for the amazing folks at Extreme Restraints and they asked what I would like to try.  I told them I had never tried electrostimulation, so they recommended the Zeus Electrogasm, which is a beginner E-stim toy.  And, that’s just perfect because I am in no rush to take away Red’s E-stim crown!

So, what exactly is this strange little toy?  Well, as you can see it is shaped like a butterfly with two wings that are self-adhesive pads that have the electrodes on the back and the function box on the front that powers the unit.  Fairly simple, no wires or plug-ins, just put in the battery, attach the box to the butterfly and you are ready to play.  The toy is entirely self-contained.  It comes with two flat batteries and easy to read instructions.  Like most electrostimulation toys, this is not supposed to be used above the waist as a shock to the heart could result in cardiac arrest.

So, where did I put it first?  On my breast.  Actually, that’s not true.  First I tried it on my thigh and watched my muscles leap and contract from the jolts, and then I put it on my breast, or more accurately on my nipple (but my right one, I’m no fool!).

The power box has three buttons: “on”, “off” and “function mode”.  Once you have the butterfly stuck in place (for this demo I put the electrodes on either side of my nipple) you press the “on” button once to power it up.  Nothing happens at this point except the light comes on to let you know it is ready.  You can then begin cycling through the different functions with the “function mode” or keep pressing the “on” button to up the intensity.  The directions say it has 5 modes: A: Tapping, B: Rhythmic Kneading, C: Deep Kneading, D: Pressing and E: Continuous Press.  Combined with the 4 intensity levels, this gives you 9 different variations.

So what does it feel like?  Well the A mode feels like a tingling tapping on the lowest intensity and like sharp needles on the highest intensity.  B mode is a short burst of buzzing that becomes fairly intense and more needling on the high intensity.  C mode is a long undulating wave going from light to sharp.  D mode goes through the various settings, and E mode is a long continuous burst, followed by the other modes.  On the lowest intensity it feels like a tickling fluttery feeling, while on the high modes it is a fairly intense needling sensation that sends little shocking jolts through the area (in this case my nipple).  I found the lower levels pleasurable, but couldn’t stand the higher intensities for very long.  I did enjoy cycling through the intensity levels and giving myself a good jolt every once in a while though.  It is really rather freaky playing with this cool little toy, especially if you haven’t experienced it before.  It feels unlike anything I have experienced thus far, and I can see why it could become addictive, or more interesting than the normal sex toy vibration.

The thing I liked best about it is that you won’t experience a painful, shocking jolt, like I did with the Violet Wand.  It is very safe and if you follow the instructions, not painful unless you want it to be.  Next week, I may get the courage up to try it on my clitoris or labia, which is where this toy is recommended for use (or the anus), or in case of a guy, wrapped around the penis.  Because you can’t see the controls when it is down there, I wanted to wait until my partner returns from his business trip to help me out with it.  According to Red, E-stim can be a highly erotic, orgasmic experience, so I am anxious to try this out on my other pink parts.  If you are looking for a different type of erotic stimulation I highly recommend trying this out, especially if you are a beginner.  It is very reasonably priced and may lead you on to a whole sensual journey of electrostimulation.

Thank you to Extreme Restraints for “turning me on” to electro-stimulation play for the first time.  It was an exciting, scary, strange and electrifying experience!  And, once over the initial fear of this toy and you develop a familiarity with the sensation, you may want to go on to bigger and better zaps of pleasure/pain.  Stay tuned to the Sex Carnival each week as I review some unusual bdsm toys from Extreme Restraints as well as my other sex toy reviews.